The Homepage experiment part 2: How to be a post whore.
A comedy article
by Bill the Squirrel  53,270  54
12/14/2010 02:35 PM 446 views
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This is the second article in a series. In my previous article I took the best ideas from all the articles on the homepage and crammed them together. I was trying with every ounce of funny I had to get on the homepage. It didn't work.
So Frost it!
Now I will teach you all the best and most practical ways to be a post whore. Being a post whore isn't quite as easy as it sounds. It takes dedication, determination, finger calluses, and a lot of booze. There are several categories:
1.) The Maven:
The Maven is the easiest and by far the least popular of the techniques. It involves posting a bunch of inane Shakespeare at odd intervals until you hook your unsuspecting prey. The prey being anyone who posts anything at any time. After(or before) the prey posts, type a whole lot of Shakespeare that makes little or no sense. If the prey responds to you in a derogatory (or non-derogatory way) post a mile long diatribe about how no one understands your pain (this particular part of the Maven has also been referred to as The Lobster Gambit). If no one posts start over from the beginning.
2.) The Rodent
The Rodent is also pretty easy. It is also slightly more popular than the maven (but not much). All that is required for The Rodent is booze and a computer. Drink the booze and type whatever comes into your head. One great thing about the Rodent is that sometimes funny Shakespeare gets typed. Another is that you get to be all Frosted up. A drawback to this particular technique is that you don't always remember the post the next day and have to say, "Shakespeare, did I post that?".
3.) The Diana-Damn
The Diana-Damn is by far the most popular of the techniques. The only drawback is that you must be female to properly pull this one off. To do the Diana-Damn (pun intended) take pictures of yourself almost naked and post them here. No really post them right here. An online pole shows that you can be the biggest post whore in the world if you can properly pull off this technique and no one will get mad at all.
Thank you all for coming to my article. The series will continue with a live action experiment that I cannot tell you about or I would have to kill you.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
16 votes
4.3
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.1
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Shell Belle 77,143  25
12/14/2010 03:27 PM
I love you, you crazy bald mother-Froster.
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Funny
5 votes
3.6
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
12/14/2010 03:40 PM
And yes that picture is saved on my computer.
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Funny
10 votes
3.7
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
12/14/2010 04:10 PM
It would be my luck that she'd cut me, write an article about it and get on the homepage.
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Funny
7 votes
3.5
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Dianerda 57,835 109
12/14/2010 06:30 PM
Haters gonna hate.
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Funny
5 votes
3.4
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Dianerda 57,835 109
12/14/2010 06:33 PM
Also, I haven't posted a single picture of myself this month and I'm STILL funniest of the month.
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Funny
8 votes
3.9
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Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/14/2010 07:20 PM
Bill found a loophole in the Diana-Damn. He gets clickies by reposting panty pictures. What a Frost-ing hypocrite.
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Chuckleworthy
5 votes
2.4
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Drewcifer aka Dr. Ew 46,366 58
12/14/2010 07:25 PM
Yay I'm a rodent. Can I be a chinchilla?
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.2
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Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/14/2010 07:40 PM
Haters gonna hate.
Uh oh. If Dianada stops posting pictures because of this, the men (and a lot of women) of Zug are going to form an angry mob and show up at your door with torches and pitchforks.
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Funny
5 votes
3.8
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
12/14/2010 08:52 PM
I would sit here and try to explain myself and make everyone feel better, but I'm drunk. So, Frost it.
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Funny
3 votes
3.3
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Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/14/2010 09:26 PM
I would sit here and try to explain myself and make everyone feel better
I feel fine. I understand the meaning of your article completely. I just like to give you a hard time. Asswipe.
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Funny
7 votes
3.4
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
12/14/2010 09:29 PM
I feel fine.
I don't believe you. Let me feel you and I'll tell you how you feel.
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Funny
5 votes
3.8
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
12/16/2010 09:55 PM
I know I'm being a whore, but isn't that what this thread is about anyway?
JOHN! PUT ME ON THE FRONT PAGE!
p.s. I am so doing number 2 right now.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.0
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Popanator 1,144 4
12/16/2010 10:12 PM
Mmmm.. Sometimes I wonder if I can be a post whore if I would get people to eat my poopies and poop all over me like the whore I am!
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.0
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
12/16/2010 10:15 PM
My thread has been popanatored. Frost!
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Funny
7 votes
3.7
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10 Midgets a-leaping. 96,151 48
12/16/2010 10:18 PM
Who the Frost keeps orbing this?
Why can't we check IPs anymore?
Who put the ram in the ram a lama ding dong?
Why the Frost are you letting me post drunk?
5 orbs who ever answers all of those.
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Funny
4 votes
3.8
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Drewcifer aka Dr. Ew 46,366 58
12/16/2010 10:20 PM
Fantastic! Congratulations, Bill. A thread just isn't a thread unless it's corn-laden. I should be so lucky...
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Side-splitting
2 votes
5.0
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10 Midgets a-leaping. 96,151 48
12/16/2010 10:28 PM
I was talking about the Shakespeareeater, not Bills article.
The article is great.
It makes me think of green beans, not corn.
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
12/16/2010 11:02 PM
The article is great.
You do realize that your comment is going to make me NOT stop right?
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Funny
5 votes
3.4
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
12/16/2010 11:05 PM
5 orbs who ever answers all of those.
The answer is 6!
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Side-splitting
3 votes
5.0
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10 Midgets a-leaping. 96,151 48
12/16/2010 11:51 PM
I find that answer unsatisfactory.
But I gave you five because that's what your ex wife gave me under the same curcumstance.
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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Mr. Mike knows who's been naughty! 11,439 21 Scoffs
12/17/2010 05:22 AM
Midgets gets head from lady squirrels, BIG WOW!
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.2
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Frogpop 173,153 25
12/17/2010 06:06 AM
Also, I haven't posted a single picture of myself this month and I'm STILL funniest of the month.
I think getting hepped up on cold and flu medicine falls under "The Rodent".
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.3
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
12/17/2010 04:32 PM
I think getting hepped up on cold and flu medicine falls under "The Rodent".
Dianada got hepped up and fell under me? Why don't I remember this?
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Chuckleworthy
5 votes
2.8
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Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
12/19/2010 03:41 PM
Has anyone pointed out to that Popinator chick that poop has two o's? Or am I missing something?
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