It's hard to find a fast food chain that inspires more cultlike devotion than White Castle. Famous for their tiny square burgers non-ironically called "Sliders," White Castle was actually the first fast food restaurant in America, dating back to 1921. Plus, Harold & Kumar love 'em, so they must be good.
Since I live in Texas, I had never tried White Castle before, so I recently decided to spend 24 hours in a White Castle, to get the complete experience. And I wouldn't just try a single burger; my goal was to eat one of everything on the menu.
My meal plan for the next 24 hours.
To pull off this epic feat of human endurance, I traveled to Louisville, Kentucky, home of the largest White Castle in the world. I tweeted my experiences in real time; here's what went down. (Besides the entire menu.)
My home for the next 24 hours. It begins. http://bit.ly/gx515w 11:01 PM Jan 14th via TweetDeck
Standing outside the White Castle, a few ticks before Saturday midnight, I couldn't imagine what was in store for me, in-store. I looked around, noting that the restaurant is located next to several projects, and a homeless shelter. And the street across from it is lined with bars. This promised to be interesting.
My first meal! http://bit.ly/ijyn7T 11:21 PM Jan 14th via TweetDeck
Never having had White Castle before, I started with a traditional meal -- a couple of White Castles and crinkle cut fries. The sliders did not disappoint: pure, oniony goodness. There are five holes in every burger to ensure even cooking, and they are apparently filled with awesomeness.
Apparently this place gets really rowdy around 2am. They have a cop in here now till 5am. I'm scared/excited/scared/sleepy. 11:28 PM Jan 14th via TweetDeck
The employees and managers told me that in the late hours, the restaurant sometimes gets packed with homeless, drunk, and generally crazy people. And that wasn't even counting me. I think.
Met some really cool, really drunk people. Making friends is fun, even sober. http://bit.ly/fSpI9a Sat Jan 15 00:57:43 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
As soon as they walked in, I knew they were completely wasted. That of course was my cue to introduce myself. Before long, I was eating their food. Another three items down!
A girl needed her car jumped so Stephon and I helped. Sue me for leaving the store, but she was cute. http://bit.ly/fIU6GF Sat Jan 15 01:54:30 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
This girl ran into White Castle and started screaming that her car battery died, and she needed a jump. I told her that I was technically not allowed to leave, but I would make an exception, as long as I stayed on the premises, and as long as she stayed foxy.
Outside, I met this guy named Stephon who claimed he knew how to jump a car. He hooked up my rental to her car, then actually killed her battery. We had to wheel her car into an empty spot until she could buy a new battery in the morning. Her mom came and picked her up. I didn't ask for her number.
Chicken: Accomplished http://bit.ly/hzHHLc Sat Jan 15 02:00:15 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
I continued making my way through the menu, eating another of God's creatures, deep fried and presented on an adorable little bun.
Poor man's Pauly D (from Jersey Shore) http://bit.ly/ex7Zpc Sat Jan 15 02:45:35 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
I told this guy he looked like Pauly D, and asked if I could take a picture. He told me to get away from him. I obliged, and took a picture of him from afar. (Paulyparazzi.)
Drunk woman walks in, screams, "F*** WHY CASEL! Gimme burgers nowww!" at some employees then plops herself down. http://bit.ly/gQq96P Sat Jan 15 03:07:00 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
Naturally, I had to make friends with her. http://bit.ly/igMAgV Sat Jan 15 03:13:05 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
This woman was screaming at the top of her lungs, until her husband walked in and sat down across from her. After taking her picture, she motioned for me to come hither, so I did. After she stroked my leg for a few seconds, I looked into the eyes of her husband, who didn't seem to mind what her hand was doing. He just nodded at me, as if to say, Enjoy the slider.
Dear McDonald's, THIS is how you make eggs for breakfast sandwiches. http://bit.ly/f6UyCE Sat Jan 15 06:10:29 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
I began working through the breakfast menu, and asked to see how they prepared the food. I was pleased to see the Castle uses not a tube of processed eggs, nor an eggy patty, but actual eggs.. HEN PRIDE!
In the restroom just now. Was told by a homeless man that if I don't hurry up in the stall, I'm going to have to start paying rent. :/ Sat Jan 15 06:55:37 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
Here I was in a White Castle, and this guy was trying to usurp my throne. I thought about calling a special session of Parliament, but he forced a coup on me. Dethroned!
White Castle hooked me up w/ a "survival kit" full of swag. Pretty legit. Will be auctioning off items on eBay when I get home (jk, maybe). Sat Jan 15 07:44:26 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
The employees were kind enough to present me with this "survival kit," explaining I might find it useful. Upon hearing the word "survival," I looked out at the projects and the police officer, and thought it might be filled with weapons to be used for defense. Instead, it was a great assortment of clean clothes, coffee mugs, and White Castle recipes. Now I was feeling like royalty!
In an attempt to pioneer a new slider, I have created the "Snow Slider": http://bit.ly/dXiYFa http://bit.ly/e5HysX It's absolutely gross. Sat Jan 15 08:56:57 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
Seriously, it's only the snow that's gross. Once you get past that, the Snow Slider is quite enjoyable.
Another creation (this time edible AND it's delicious in an unexpected way) the Surf 'n Turf Slider: http://bit.ly/exU6rt Sat Jan 15 09:45:52 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
I had worked my way through at least half the menu, so I was looking for new combinations to eat. Here's the Surf 'n' Turf Slider, a happy marriage of fish and beef, as if a cow drowned in the sea. Moo-splash-licious.
Fish Nibblers dipped in Applesauce: mediocre, yet satisfying. Someone please physically stop me. http://bit.ly/fbZb4X Sat Jan 15 12:00:11 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
I was getting down to the obscure menu items now, like applesauce. I couldn't bring myself to eat it straight -- that didn't seem in the spirit of White Castle -- so I used it as a dipping sauce. Fish + fruit = a new flavor we'll call "froosh."
Either I'm hallucinating or this guy has time travelled from the past. Regardless, my mind is blown. http://bit.ly/f14EX3 Sat Jan 15 12:10:04 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
At this point, I had been awake for 30 hours. You know you're starting to get delirious when you imagine the entire White Castle restaurant might be a time machine leading to 1979. It didn't help my mental state when I went up to the guy to ask about his cassette deck (is that even what they're called?), and he appeared to look right through me, then carried on about his way. Much respect.
I had passed the halfway mark of my 24 hour stay. But my most epic eating experiment was still to come.
Please continue to Part 2: Slider Smoothies!
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