Storming the Castle: 24 Hours in a White Castle, Part 2
A comedy article
by Bayan Rabbani  2,826  14
01/20/2011 10:25 PM 5482 views
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In an effort to find out what all the fuss was about, I was spending 24 Hours in White Castle, and while I was at it, I was eating one of everything on the menu. [Read Part 1 here.]
The king of White Castle deserves a crown, does he not? I say, henceforth shall hither his Highness doth deserve one! http://bit.ly/fcXBFo Sat Jan 15 13:34:51 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
This is the most oniony-smelling hat I will ever wear in my life.
Tried to make a castle out of fries and onion rings. Nailed it. http://bit.ly/gmJBRL Sat Jan 15 14:20:13 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
I have a minor in Structural Engineering.
Just did a taste test between fresh and frozen. They look the same but fresh tastes better. http://bit.ly/fdpVlj http://bit.ly/h63ogq Sat Jan 15 15:14:29 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
I bought a box of frozen White Castle burgers and left them in the car for, I don't know, about twenty hours. The staff obliged me by heating up one in their microwave. If you don't have a White Castle near you, they're the next best thing. But nothing beats 'em hot off the grill.
You can also try a White Castle copycat recipe, but then you miss the whole Castle experience.
wtf... INCEPTION. http://twitpic.com/3qdafn Sat Jan 15 16:57:25 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
I was now 18 hours in, and beginning to hallucinate. When I finally noticed the security camera, only one thought crept into my mind: I'll bet I could beat myself in a staring contest.
A 57 year old man just told me his girlfriend is 93 years old and he keeps her around because the sex is incredible. I don't even... okay. Sat Jan 15 17: 11:03 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
After my staring contest ended in a tie, I turned to leave and ran into a man who smelled like booze and had no teeth. I watched as he placed his order, then told the cashier that his "hot mama" -- who he mentioned is 93 years old -- has a craving for White Castle.
I struck up a conversation, and he proceeded to describe to me what it's like to date an older woman. "It's the s---," he informed me. "The sex is incredible."
Awwww yeaaaahhh... your boy is engaged! She said yes w/ a buffalo chicken ring! http://bit.ly/hgw9CL Sat Jan 15 18:27:07 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
What other fast food chain serves chicken in the shape of a ring? And what other fast food chain would let you propose marriage using chicken?
A supper fit for a King of White Castle. http://bit.ly/fJqclB Such a gorgeous table. http://bit.ly/folZsZ Sat Jan 15 19:19:59 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
To celebrate the last of the soft drinks from the menu, I broke out the fancy crystal goblets and the silverware I only use for company.
I had now finished 20 hours in the restaurant, and the employees were calling me "King." 10% because of the crown, 90% because they couldn't pronounce my name.
This guy has some insane tattoos. Some of them are NSFW and I don't think I should upload the horror I witnessed. http://bit.ly/hB6OUQ Sat Jan 15 21:02:56 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
I started talking to this dude about his tattoos, which were hardcore (in both senses of the word). He took me outside, removed his shirt, and showed me a tattoo of Leela from Futurama doing unspeakable things to Kermit the Frog.
Maybe it is easy being green.
Introducing the "Wild Kingdom Slider" (beef, chicken, cheese, pulled pork, bologna, pickles, fish, 2 buns) http://bit.ly/gB5cn1 Sat Jan 15 21:55:21 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
Best food at White Castle. Please put this on your menu. http://bit.ly/eBD9zR Sat Jan 15 21:57:00 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
By this point, a crowd had turned out to cheer me on. In a desperate attempt to finish everything on the menu in my last hour, I put everything together in an incredible fusion of meat and sauces. This is the most delicious item ever invented.
Some of my best friends. Hanging out with them after I'm finished in 35 minutes. http://bit.ly/dEaFPY Sat Jan 15 22:23:47 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
One word: chasers.
Blender + ingredients = Slider smoothie http://bit.ly/eBAQiU Sat Jan 15 22:25:13 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
For my final menu item -- the milk that comes with a kids' meal -- I had to try the boldest culinary experiment of my stay, a White Castle Slider Smoothie.
Overpowered by onion, the only thing worse than drinking this frightful combination of White Castle burgers, fries, milk, and ice, was the incredible, overwhelming sense of regret.
This check to Habitat For Humanity for $2400 from White Castle because of my 24 hour stay made every second worth it. http://bit.ly/eGn8gD Sat Jan 15 22:48:32 (Central Standard Time) via TweetDeck
I got one last surprise -- White Castle actually donated $100 to Habitat for Humanity for every hour of my experiment. I was sincerely impressed -- not only did they provide a roof over my head for 24 hours, but they'll be providing many more roofs for other families.
The burgers may be small, but the check is huge. I mean, look at that thing! Do you know how hard it was to get that on the plane?
And thus, my 24 hours in White Castle was complete. I came, I ate, I conquered. As I drove away, still wearing my greasy crown, I thought, It's good to be the king.
I'd like to thank everyone from ZUG who submitted ideas (especially Midgets and TopHatSnake), those who followed my tweets, the many people who showed up at the restaurant to support me, and White Castle.
Be sure to follow my daily tweets on my regular twitter and check me out on facebook!
And if you enjoyed 24 Hours in White Castle, be sure to check out one of Mr. Rabbani's previous endurance challenges, The Starbucks Experiment: 24 Hours Trapped Inside Starbucks.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
17 votes
4.7
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Also Recommended on ZUG:
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Funny
3 votes
3.3
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3-wish Jeeni 47,815  51
01/20/2011 10:57 PM
Wow - I'm impressed by both you, Bayan and White Castle. Feel-good story of the evening.
So... did you try and cash the huge check?
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Midgets 96,151 48
01/20/2011 11:47 PM
I MADE A LIST!!
So, are you off the toilet yet?
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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TopHatSnake 3,479 10
01/21/2011 01:37 AM
I MADE A LIST TOO!!! MY FIRST!!! Kickass.
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Funny
5 votes
3.4
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Bayan Rabbani 2,826 14
01/21/2011 05:10 PM
3-wish -- Obviously. It bounced though and I have currently left the country as this was not my first offense in this manner and I am wanted by various authorities.
Midgets -- It took a few days, but yes.
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Funny
5 votes
3.4
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Johnny Plankton 4,102 27
01/21/2011 11:25 PM
Tried to make a castle out of fries and onion rings. Nailed it.
At this point, I believe your capacity to judge whether or not you "nailed it" was quite similar to that of a mental patient who had constructed a replica of the Eiffel Tower out of his poo, and had the exact same thought. Great story.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
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turtlepower 77 5
01/22/2011 12:08 AM
Now I can't stop picturing a person staring triumphantly at a tower of poo nodding sagely, "Nailed it."
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
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Xodiac 202 5
01/22/2011 02:07 AM
Maybe by "nailed it" he means that somewhere in there is a nail.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Gmakerc 2 5
02/04/2011 02:55 AM
I am impressed that throughout this whole ordeal you weren't puking everywhere. The slider smoothie looks like my first, uninformed attempt at making a smoothie. Needless to say, if you just put random fruit into a blender without ice cream, it doesn't end well.
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