Brad Poynter 36,184 48
02/09/2011 10:00 AM

Machetes. Check
Nunchucks. Check
Pirate sword. Check
Baseball Bat. Check
Pile of various guns and ammo. Check
Blach Sabbath/Metallica playlist on my mp3 player. Check

Yeah, I'm a goner.

Zelkun 639 12
02/09/2011 10:08 AM

Step 1: Get a fat friend
Step 2: Run faster than him
Step 3: Profit Survival

Under a flaming meteor 101,398 77
02/09/2011 10:21 AM

Step 1: Get a fat friend
Step 2: Run faster than him
Step 3: Profit Survival


Reason #206 I married Spicey.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
02/09/2011 10:23 AM

Well that and the fact that he's already meat.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
02/09/2011 10:24 AM

That sounded better in my head.

Disco Bob 4,322 8
02/09/2011 10:24 AM

Last weekend I spent $40 on this tool.



I have no idea what its intended purpose is, I bought it soley for the impending zombie apocalypse.

KChikita Rex 128,451 98
02/09/2011 10:49 AM

That would be a bone tree saw, I believe.

Up with the Chickens 286,647 61
02/09/2011 10:56 AM

Brush axe.


Sheesh.

How are you gonna gain the Zombies' respect if you start calling tools by wrong names?

Would you attack a vampire with a wooden stool?

Up with the Chickens 286,647 61
02/09/2011 10:56 AM

Double tap.


Working on the cardio.

Zelkun 639 12
02/09/2011 10:59 AM

Would you attack a vampire with a wooden stool?

I think From Dusk Till Dawn proved that any long wooden object (such as a table leg or stool) is sufficient to stake a vampire.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/09/2011 11:04 AM

I'm going to use a two pronged defense. First, I will use the Taco defense and get restraining orders against the mindless zombies with no sense of how to act in society. Second, I will use the Bill the Squirrel defense. This requires spending years drinking too much so that my brain is just a pickled mess and not appetizing to zombies.


Most of all, I will be a survivor because let's face it, I'm that annoying guy that does whatever the Frost he wants and things always seem to work out for him.

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
02/09/2011 11:06 AM

This seems like a good place to mention that I am offering shelter and rescue services to a limited number of applicants in the event of global zombification.

Shelter only:
This package includes all the peanut butter and crackers you can eat, water, and I won't shoot you when you show up at my house.
$50,000

Rescue and Retrieval:
My team of expert hillbillys will meet you at a predetermined location anywhere in the continental US within 10 days of the first confirmed zombie and wisk you away to fabulous Arkansas. Includes Shelter plan
$5,000,000 (10,000,000 if in a big city)

Cash in advance.

Email in profile.

Zelkun 639 12
02/09/2011 11:17 AM

My team of expert hillbillys

syncope 49,019 14
02/09/2011 12:54 PM

Are we talking Romero zombies? Because then it's a simple matter of move quickly and don't stay in one place too long.

If we're talking 28 Days Later zombies, we're all Frosted and there's nothing we can do about it.

BisectYouAll2K 5,200 15
02/09/2011 01:09 PM

I like the Bill Murray approach in Zombieland.
Live in a house with a big wall and security fence around it.
Dress like a zombie on the days I decide to go shopping.
Watch home movies, drink beer, eat food and try not to let anyone in my house who could kill me.

It's not fool proof, but neither are twist-off caps.

Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
02/09/2011 01:16 PM

First, I will use the Taco defense and get restraining orders against the mindless zombies

Should I be worried that upon seeing the thread title, my thought pattern here was the same as BIG's (how to make a Sage reference), or should I just shut up and keep drinking?

Ravosdactyl 63,472 21
02/09/2011 04:08 PM

Are we talking Romero zombies? Because then it's a simple matter of move quickly and don't stay in one place too long.

If this is the case, I am pretty confident I will make it out alive.

If we're talking 28 Days Later zombies, we're all Frosted and there's nothing we can do about it.

If this is the case, then this is the case.

WhyMi? 3,549 12
02/09/2011 05:10 PM

The Zombie Apocalypse will not be televised. It WILL however be catered.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
02/09/2011 08:27 PM

Second, I will use the Bill the Squirrel defense. This requires spending years drinking too much so that my brain is just a pickled mess and not appetizing to zombies.



In that case, I'll probably live Mr Pot.



Sincerely,

Bill the Kettle

SIV9939 13,642 16
02/09/2011 11:39 PM

I've read the Zombie Survival Guide, live in a two story house and own a machete and a baseball bat, not to mention I have friends that live close by with swords. In reality however, I'd be screwed. I have a small lung capacity, a wife with fibromyalgia, a baby, and if the step kids weren't with us at the time of outbreak, we'd have to venture to their dad's so save them as well.

Whistler 186,138 44
02/10/2011 12:23 AM

No one could rock the Mom jean/rope belt look quite like Elly Mae Clampett.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
02/10/2011 08:44 AM

HOLY Shakespeare!!!!! ELLY MAE'S ALREADY A ZOMBIE!

Whistler 186,138 44
02/10/2011 10:32 AM

It never occurred to me to think about this while I was masturbating to reruns back in the '70's, but I just looked it up, and Elly Mae is 2 years older than my mother.




Heebie. Jeebies.