At first I greeted this latest contest with some degree of skepticism. Cubicle pranks have sunk, in the eyes of regular GABbers Livers, to level 5 status. Participating in this contest seemed like a sure fire way to relegate myself to Pram status. Or worse, WhyNee status.
Then I was performing a particularly heinous household chore, and an idea hit me. An idea so wrong, it had to be right for Zug. And that idea was...
THE POOCUBICLE!
First, you must get a dog. Or two. Or more, if you'd like. Then, wait for winter. Be patient. Patience is one of the marks of a great prankster.
Once winter arrives, stop walking your dog. It's cold out there. Who wants to drag a mutt around the block on a leash when you could be inside by a warm radiator anyway? Instead, put a stake out in the yard and attach a lead to it. Make the lead just long enough to reach just inside your door. This way you can clip the dog to the lead and let him out without dampening your slippers. Repeat this 3-8 times per day for at least 8 weeks.
Here's the most important part: under no circumstances should you go outside and step within the circle the lead creates for your dog. To be on the safe side, remain at least 6 feet away from the perimeter of that circle. Is circumference an appropriate word to use here, Froggie?
Don't worry about snow, sleet, hail, high winds, drifts, blizzards or anything like that. Make a nice cup of cocoa and look out the windows, thinking of spring.
Upon thaw, you will be looking out at a field of dreams. If you dream of poop, that is. What a mess you'll have. An archeologist would have a great time figuring out in which era each layer of poop had been laid down by the varying degree of decay and degradation.
Speaking of degradation, now it's time to clean up. I recommend a nice, tall pair of rubber boots (Wellies for those of you in Commonwealth nations), your worst pair of pants, and a pair of gloves that you won't mind throwing away when you're finished. A Hefty brand contractor's clean up bag is your best bet, but if you only have lawn and leaf bags, I'd double up. Now get out there, and I don't want to see anything but asses and elbows until you've got that area spotless.
When you've finished, you should have something that looks like this:
Your results may vary, but with one small/medium dog and one medium/large, I collected about 40 pounds of fragrant decaying excrement.
At this point, you've got several options. Those who value subtlety in their pranks will want to hide the bag in an unused file drawer in their victim's cubicle and giggle with delight as they search for the source of their new office perfume. Those who go for a more visual effect will leave the bag, open, of course, right on the desk. The real silly pranksters among you might try putting it in the chair, on the chance that your victim is the type who plops down without looking. (Plops! LOL!) and the really sick among you will divide it into little piles and put them in various areas, so that it looks like an Iditarod team visited during the night. A "Sarah Palin for President" button or sticker would be a hilarious addition to that last one! ROFLMAO!!
Happy pranking!
|
|
Store
186,138 
44 
63,472 
21
