God Hates Emersons
A comedy conversation
by Phuc  237,919  21
03/03/2011 12:14 PM 236 views
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The Supreme Court just upheld the rights of God's spokespeople to continue to exercise their civil rights by traumatizing godless families who openly flaunt their contempt for the Lord by attending the blasphemous funereal rites of their heathen dead.
There will come a day when the almighty recalls the true members of his flock. As painful as it is for all of us to contemplate a world without the guidance of Pastor Phelps or the enlightened servitude of his congregation, even such cherished creations such as they must succumb to His laws and eventually shuffle off this accursed mortal coil.
When this dreaded day arrives, those of us who have thus far steadfastly refused to honor and proclaim the Lord's word will hopefully have the scales torn from our eyes in grief. Perhaps then (Too late? We pray not.) will we finally see fit to do the duty of our creator.
What will your sign say? What words will you employ to shine a beacon of righteousness to this uncaring and undeserving world?
Dear God, please let the Westboro Baptists live 4ever
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
6 votes
3.8
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Also Recommended on ZUG:
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Funny
8 votes
3.9
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Brad Poynter 36,184  48
03/03/2011 12:32 PM
My other sign is a pitchfork.
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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Closet Friend 7,665 11
03/03/2011 12:47 PM
"Praise be, I've got His stick up my ass!"
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Funny
6 votes
3.2
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Drewcifer aka Dicko 46,366 58
03/03/2011 04:16 PM
Isn't Westboro Baptist Church overdue to go all Heaven's Gate/Branch Dividian/Jonestown? Because when they do, I can't wait for the funerals.
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Funny
9 votes
3.5
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Whistler 186,138 44
03/03/2011 04:21 PM
After Fred Phelps dies, I'm going to celebrate by blowing a dude on his grave.
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.2
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Drewcifer aka Dicko 46,366 58
03/03/2011 04:23 PM
Is that what's known as "playing the skin fife"?
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Funny
6 votes
3.7
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Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
03/03/2011 04:27 PM
I had assumed the WBC was some huge movement, like the KKK or the 4H or something. I heard on the radio that there were only about 200 members and most of them were part of the Pheps family.
Why does anyone even recognize these idiots? Why can't we all just ignore them and maybe they'll go away? I'm sure if I were at a funeral grieving for my child it would be troubling to see someone protesting, but other than that I think people would do well to just ignore them. The same is true for 9/11 / moon landing "hoax" conspiracy theorists, claims of UFO visits, and, well, pretty much any small group of non-violent nutjobs.
Yes, spreading hatred is harmful, but giving them a voice makes things much worse.
So, in conclusion, my sign will read "Who?"
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.1
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Zolton Under Glass 88,214 34
03/03/2011 04:29 PM
The same is true for 9/11 / moon landing "hoax" conspiracy theorists, claims of UFO visits, and, well, pretty much any small group of non-violent nutjobs.
So no 'ZuG 20' is what you're saying, then?
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Hilarious
8 votes
4.0
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Brad Poynter 36,184 48
03/03/2011 04:53 PM
Wait, if god hates Emersons why did he make so many of them?
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
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Chickens won Black History Month 286,647 61
03/03/2011 04:58 PM
He didn't. But you get two of them together and they breed like rabbits.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
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Chickens won Black History Month 286,647 61
03/03/2011 04:59 PM
I totally read that as God hates fags, not Emersons. Nevermind.
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Funny
4 votes
3.5
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Whistler 186,138 44
03/03/2011 05:20 PM
Undies is gonna scratch out Nutbutter's eyes. But not until after she shows him her scar, so it will be worth it.
Flight 93 was shot down.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
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Shellebelle 77,143 25
03/03/2011 10:43 PM
The same is true for 9/11 / moon landing "hoax" conspiracy theorists, claims of UFO visits, and, well, pretty much any small group of non-violent nutjobs.
What about people who believe in the paranormal? I think I know what your answer will be, which is why Kchiki and I will be there shortly to kick your ass.
I disagree that keeping tabs or wanting more information on the nutjobs out there adds fuel to the fire. To me, knowledge is power. If I saw some crazy looking mother-Froster trying to break into my house, I wouldn't just ignore him and hope he would go away.
It's okay if we disagree. We can still think about what the other looks like naked.
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Funny
5 votes
3.6
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Manhole 21,658 29
03/03/2011 10:44 PM
My sign will read 1+1=3. Why? Because it doesn't make any sense. But people will believe it. They'll all be like -
"Ahhhh Frost! What are we gonna do! There's some douchebag on main street screaming that 1+1 is equal to 3. Put it on the front page! Sound the alarm! Wake the governor! Tweet it! Facebook it!"
The very fact that this waste of natural resources made it to the Supreme Court is proof that Americans will pay attention to my sign. I mean, I could go to one of these things with a sign that says "Obama is a reincarnated duck billed platypus that worships four leaf clovers" and people would Frost-ing believe it.
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