Taco > You 61,976 36
03/08/2011 02:48 PM

I've developed really bad carpal tunnel as a result of four repetitive stresses: constant internet/computer-ing, crafting, gaming, and masturbation. If I gave up any one of these four activities, my wrist would probably be just fine.

Sexual Harassment Pterodactyl 181,795 70
03/08/2011 03:03 PM

I would really like to have used my "stop using the internet" joke on Lobster instead, but you'll do.

Drewcifer aka Dicko 46,366 58
03/08/2011 03:04 PM

How do British people pronounce "tortilla"? Do they say it like we do, "tor-TEE-ya" or is it "TOR-till-ah"? It's been driving me crazy.

PacificPhi - Back In Action 1,860 6
03/08/2011 03:21 PM

And now for the real mind-Frost:

Quesadilla.

Enjoy that you limey bastards.

Conan under the shamrock tree 98,023 37
03/08/2011 03:36 PM

I got a new employee badge made today. It has a picture of a chick flashing her tit while standing on some dude and holding two, count'em TWO phallic symbols. Giggity.

Chickens won Black History Month 286,647 61
03/08/2011 03:37 PM

If I gave up any one of these four activities, my wrist would probably be just fine.

I will be happy to take over the masturbation quarter for you. Just trying to help.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
03/08/2011 03:39 PM

Why can't all judges be sports fans and not have anything in the afternoons during March?

PacificPhi - Back In Action 1,860 6
03/08/2011 03:47 PM

Now for my real one...

I had a dream about pheasants last night. Don't know why, not entirely sure they live here with me in CA... I went pheasant hunting, once, about 15 years ago and never actually saw one. Frosting, lazy dogs...

OF COURSE I go to the well of knowledge (i.e. the interwebs) and find this:

Meanings of Dreams: Pheasants

* Dreaming of pheasants, omens good fellowship among your friends. (Great!)

* To eat one, signifies that the jealousy of your wife will cause you to forego friendly intercourse with your friends. (I'm comfortably sure there would be NOTHING friendly should the significant other catch wind of this scenario playing out.)

* To shoot them, denotes that you will fail to sacrifice one selfish pleasure for the comfort of friends. (It's always me, me, me...)

Marma-Mia 12,955 12
03/08/2011 03:55 PM

Kay-sa-dee-ah

Tor-tee-ya

Ha-la-pee-no or Ha-la-pee-nyo

We're not Frost-ing spastics you know.




















We make them give us blow jobs instead.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
03/08/2011 04:15 PM

What would a blow job from an epileptic with no teeth feel like?

KChikita Rex 128,451 98
03/08/2011 04:20 PM

Marmite, I had to sit here and phonetically sound out what you typed and I still didn't know what the hell you were going on about until I got to the third line.

Well played.

PacificPhi - Back In Action 1,860 6
03/08/2011 04:24 PM

What would a blow job from an epileptic with no teeth feel like?

I don't necessarily want to be presumptuous but I'd imagine pretty frosting amazing!

Drewcifer aka Dicko 46,366 58
03/08/2011 04:26 PM

If I ever lose all my teeth, I'll blow Panda. Then you can ask her.

PacificPhi - Back In Action 1,860 6
03/08/2011 04:29 PM

Talk/make fun of enough toothless epileptics and we'll probably find out sooner than later!
















That is if they don't start flopping around and all...

Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
03/08/2011 04:42 PM

Does this mean that both McManus brothers can't post in this thread?

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
03/08/2011 04:43 PM

No they can't cause they're both gay.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,048 22
03/08/2011 05:39 PM

Interesting fact: Benjamin Franklin was the only U.S. president who was never U.S. president.

PacificPhi - Back In Action 1,860 6
03/08/2011 06:08 PM

Interesting fact: Benjamin Franklin was the only U.S. president who was never U.S. president.

Who cares? Everyone knows being Post Master General pulls the most strange.

UnderSpicey: 5 years 101,398 77
03/08/2011 07:58 PM

I taught my oldest two children that 'jalapeno' is pronounced "ja-lop-en-o" and 'queso' is "coo-way-zo." They didn't realize they were saying it wrong until they were 19 or so. My daughter sometimes has anxiety attacks about saying things incorrectly now. I laugh and laugh whenever she brings up how that makes me a terrible mother.

Phla < 5'4" 131,068 34
03/08/2011 08:39 PM

Today I was thinking "time crunch" and "deadline" and said "crunchy deadline." Doesn't have the same effect.

Helena Handbasket 1,889 13
03/09/2011 06:07 AM

How do British people pronounce "tortilla"? Do they say it like we do, "tor-TEE-ya" or is it "TOR-till-ah"? It's been driving me crazy.

I pronounce it 'tor-TEE-ya', you know, like 'god-ZEE-ya'.

Us Brits have got the know-how.

Ravosdactyl 63,472 21
03/09/2011 08:43 AM

Quesadilla.

My mother adds extra letters in it for some reason, and I correct her every time. She pronounces "Kay-sa-dee-lee-ah"

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
03/09/2011 09:08 AM

When I grow up I wanna be a fireman!

Ravosdactyl 63,472 21
03/09/2011 09:17 AM

When I grow up, I wanna be a caterpillar.

BisectYouBAlls 5,200 15
03/09/2011 09:29 AM

When I was eight, three guys broke in to our house and stole all of our grape jelly. Ever since that day, I have called it jam.

Phla < 5'4" 131,068 34
03/09/2011 09:34 AM

A-ee our je-ee-y.

Ravosdactyl 63,472 21
03/09/2011 09:58 AM

I don't think you're ready, for this jelly.

Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
03/09/2011 09:58 AM

Phla and I have no ancestors in common.

Phla < 5'4" 131,068 34
03/09/2011 10:04 AM

An-keysters.

turtle10 42,578 26
03/09/2011 10:05 AM

And coffee doesn't get mad if you want to try a different flavor coffee once in awhile...or maybe even some tea

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
03/09/2011 10:06 AM

Old Macdonald had a farm

Eee I Eee I Ooooo.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
03/09/2011 10:59 AM

Sometimes I wonder if Phla is really from the future and if her appliances really are trying to kill her.

KChikita Rex 128,451 98
03/09/2011 12:42 PM

I'm off work today and am currently waiting to get my tattoo worked on.

The last time I ate lunch at Sonic, there was a crack whore eating lunch with two men.

There is no crack whore at Sonic today.

I'm not sure whether to feel relieved or disappointed.

turtle10 42,578 26
03/09/2011 12:45 PM

I'm stealing a joke that may or may not be funny.


How much coke did Charlie Sheen really do?





Enough to kill two and a half men




Ba-dump

9 out of 10 Gynos recommend Midgets 96,151 48
03/09/2011 01:06 PM

If we were to rate every woman on the planet based on looks somebody has to come in last.


I wonder how many of us, with enough alcohol, would still sleep with her.

Then I wonder how many already have.

turtle10 42,578 26 pretends this is the mean thread
03/09/2011 01:16 PM

Your mom you, so at least one guy (your dad)

Chickens won Black History Month 286,647 61
03/09/2011 01:30 PM

also pretends this is the mean thread

The last time I ate lunch at Sonic, there was a crack whore eating lunch with two men. There is no crack whore at Sonic today.

Are the two guys there? Cause you might have a chance...

KChikita Rex 128,451 98
03/09/2011 02:12 PM

I stick strictly to coke.

Conan under the shamrock tree 98,023 37
03/09/2011 02:25 PM

Dang, Kchiki, you shock me to the core.

The only acceptable addictive substance at Sonic is the cherry limeade.

Sexual Harassment Pterodactyl 181,795 70
03/09/2011 04:15 PM

Sometimes when I go to poo in the office restroom, I take my phone with me to read the news or play a game. My office slacks often come without pockets, so I have to put my phone in my bra (this probably comes as absolutely zero surprise.) The other day I had it in there and was coming out of the restroom when my bra began to ring.

Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
03/09/2011 04:20 PM

Want me to get that for you?

Drewcifer aka Dicko 46,366 58
03/09/2011 04:21 PM

I have a Peter Pan complex.

Like Peter Pan Peanut Butter, I like having grape jelly smeared all over me.

KChikita Rex 128,451 98
03/09/2011 04:29 PM

Oh no, Straw! I meant cocaine, not Coke. I'm a strawberry limeade girl myself. Heh

KChikita Rex 128,451 98
03/09/2011 04:40 PM

(I don't really do cocaine.)

Also, I'm totally dripping blood down my back.

♣ Dianasaur ♣ 57,835 109
03/09/2011 04:49 PM

Sorry. I'll be more gentle next time.

Shellebelle 77,143 25
03/09/2011 07:11 PM

The old lady cashier at the grocery store was not amused by my answer to her question, "How many cans of cat food do you have?"

My reply was, "A buttload."


She then grumbled under her breath about having to count them herself. I wanted to say, "Frost you. Isn't that your job?" Instead I ignored her and secretly wished that a broken hip was in her near future.

Thud 68,525 19
03/09/2011 07:17 PM

Broken hip for some old twunt? That could be arranged.

Jeeni 1040 ≠ EZ 47,815 51
03/09/2011 09:51 PM

I was wondering who was going to post that Lionel Richie picture here. It's been floating around Facebook like a disease. A funny, funny disease.

This Charming Bikini 62,262 18
03/10/2011 10:04 AM

I had a very 'wtf??' conversation today at work:

Me: Ooh, it smells like strawberries over here.

Other girl: Can you smell that too? I thought it was just me! Like, maybe it was some pregnant thing.

Me: What? You're pregnant?!

Other girl: No, I just heard pregnant women have a good sense of smell.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,048 22
03/10/2011 11:32 AM

Yesterday, when I was getting changed after my squash game, a midget came out of the shower. It was hard not to peak. I'll always wonder.

Brubert 771 11
03/10/2011 11:34 AM

If you had peaked, you would have known it.

Sexual Harassment Pterodactyl 181,795 70
03/10/2011 12:30 PM

I keep smelling beer as I sit at my desk.

At first I thought maybe BIG was stalking me but I didn't hear any heavy breathing and my skull is still firmly attached and to the best of my knowledge, has not been Frosted.

It just occurred to me that the cute jacket I am wearing today might be the jacket I wore last time I went out and drank multiple beers and might have possibly spilled it. To support my theory, there's the smell. To discredit the theory, I found the jacket hanging in my closet this morning. I can barely be bothered to hang things up when I'm stone sober so...I dunnno.

Anyway, hey BIG? If you're nearby and you're reading this, HI! And also, please be gentle.

Whistler 186,138 44
03/10/2011 12:38 PM

I've given up crafting.

Shellebelle 77,143 25
03/10/2011 05:28 PM

My husband recently took out a large life insurance policy on me. I don't know the exact amount, but it was large enough for them to send a portamedic to my house to give me a physical exam today. I will now be sleeping with a knife under my pillow and one eye open.


Better yet, can I borrow one of your guns, Brad?

Fratberry 283,052 53
03/10/2011 06:13 PM

I can write my name in my own cum but it takes about 28 hours.

Fratberry 283,052 53
03/10/2011 06:29 PM

No wonder my shoulders hurt all the time.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
03/11/2011 11:51 AM

It doesn't help that you keep spelling it wrong and have to scribble it out.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
03/13/2011 07:47 AM

If you travel back in time and give your younger self a hand job, is that homosexual or is it just masturbation?

Phla < 5'4" 131,068 34
03/13/2011 05:34 PM

Don't try to make it something it wasn't. That really was just an eighty year old homeless guy also named Bill.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
03/13/2011 10:39 PM

He wasn't homeless.

Phla < 5'4" 131,068 34
03/13/2011 10:51 PM

Truckstop bathroom stalls don't count.

Jeeni 1040 ≠ EZ 47,815 51
03/14/2011 12:28 AM

This is a good thread to post in.

My husband was going through his old VCR tape collection destroying the evidence throwing out stuff he no longer wanted and found a secret coded message I created and placed on the inside of one of the Simpson's cartoon cases, all hidden-like. We figured out that I created this about 18 years ago.



It looks like it starts every other letter with "Why own"... but then I just lose it. I can't figure out what younger-me was trying to say. I also see the word "Frost-ing" and "business" in there. Younger-me was much smarter than current-me. First, in that I created it & knew there was a code to break it - and second in that younger-me probably said something really private and lewd, and current-me is too stupid not to post it on the internet for strangers to figure out and laugh at me.

Hmm... What could be worse? All that - and sharing it with my mom. (Hi Mom!)