Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/20/2011 11:04 PM

It doesn't rhyme.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
04/20/2011 11:13 PM

Big
Irish
Guy

The Mailman 176,467 56
04/20/2011 11:27 PM

First she was a hot girl named Filly
In her posts she teased everybody
Later outed as Warren
Leaving the guys disheartened
Yet she's really a girl, just a bit hairy.

Manhole 21,658 29
04/20/2011 11:35 PM

"Tick Tock" said the clock hiding in a tree.
"What time might it be?" said he.

"Don't know" said I.
"Try the bird that can't fly."

"Clink!" "Clank!" "Clunk!" sounded the clock as he fell to the ground.
"Dii... did she... did she mention why!!! barked the clock as he came round.

"Um, why what?" asked I.
"Why she couldn't fly! said the clock with a huffed sigh.

"No." said I with haste.
"Will you take me to her? Take me to her place?" asked the clock.

"Sure!" said I with a smile.
"She lives just beyond the bend, it will take a little while."

"I wouldn't know how long it might take" said the clock with a frown.
"I can no longer tell time, in case you haven't noticed by now."

A time later, we came upon a door between a rock and a tree.
"Is this where she lives?" asked the clock with glee.

"Yes." said I "This is the birds house."
And the clock began to knock, very very loud.

Not before the third but after the second knock.
The door swung open, revealing a bird, and a shout from the clock.

Manhole 21,658 29
04/20/2011 11:35 PM

"You're home!" yelled the clock with much joy.
"Can I help you?" ask the bird with a hint of coy.

"You're the bird that cannot fly?" asked the clock with a grin.
"Yes." said the bird. She bowed her head. "Please, come in."

The door closed with a slam, causing the clock and I to swing round swiftly.
"What brings you to my house" the bird asked stiffly.

"I...I can no longer tell time" said the clock with great fear.
"Clocks are supposed to tell time! And birds are supposed to fly! it yelled, its eyes now filled with tears.

The bird took three steps back, and then two to the side.
She reached under her wing and withdrew a letter, sat down, and began to cry.

The clock came round, and grabbed the letter from the bird.
Its black, beady eyes fixed upon the parchment, its mouth open, but he couldn't say a word.

"What is it"? asked I, with some hesitation
The clock held the letter up high, "It's the letter "X" sobbed the bird in frustration.

"The letter X!" said I with some surprise. "What does it mean, is it the reason you both suffer?"
The bird and clock both stood up, and said at the same time, "X is for X mother-Froster!"

So that's my pointless poem, with no meaning, purpose nor rhyme.
This is where I sign off, so you can get back to wasting time.

Dave's not here 52,827 16
04/20/2011 11:49 PM

Yeah, I'm lazy. Or, if you prefer, consider it recycling.

Manhole 21,658 29
04/21/2011 12:01 AM

Mine's recycled. Though I think SHP's poem was much better.

Pubah 56,851 18
04/21/2011 01:26 AM

Nerds to Players
Pimps to ladies
I'm hoping for an orb count of eighty
Joo gurrl..a dove
Lobstah tail and Nuttbutter...Heaven
O.J.'s glove
make Pubah sing
La di da

Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
04/21/2011 01:33 AM

Chinook salmon
He pulls from the sea.
It smells fishy and dead to him.
Trae, not the ichthyoid.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
04/21/2011 09:12 AM

Not gonna do it.

turtle10 42,578 26
04/21/2011 09:19 AM

look at me, look at me
I want another trophy
It's really quite easy you see
just post and click the tubes of pee
so I can be the life of the party
or the one that starts the fire
with every click my rank goes higher
Internet fan is all I desire
look at me, look at me.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
04/21/2011 09:29 AM

OK, I'll recycle one.

The biggest Gab/Live dream Evar!*

*this did not really happen. I just wanted to use that first line out of Undies post


Last night I dreamed about Chance, I did too
And you were there, getting a penguin tattoo

Your Haggis was there, Posting on his Apple Mac
And Thud sat there combing, his mustache of black

A gadget was being built, by Manhole and Straw
Phuc was there eating, something gross that was raw

Analog sat at a desk, writing code
Chickens was dead, got hit crossing the road

Whistler wore civil war clothes, playing his fife
T4 performing, while swallowing a knife

Shell was just Shell, While she looked for a Ghost
Blue Lep was looking, as usual to boast

Dogs was being, all fancy and schmancy
Lobster was pregnant, and getting real antsy

Diana and Frogpop, were petting a ferret
Test tube was feeding, a horse a big carrot

SR was standing alone, looking sullin
Ditdah asked why, her dogs penis is swollen

Velveturd was telling, a bad joke to Chit
Millie was baking, not taking no Shakespeare

Mung was relaxing and sporting a tan
And Filly was there, but she looked like a man

Trae was waiting, for a ring and a stork
Neep tried to stab me, with a silver spork

Pram was claymating, while holding a shoe
And PeoriaGrace, made a knife out of poo

There were lots more ladies, like Bean and Kchiki
they were talking to SCB and SHP, kinda sneaky

Pubah was laying out, his cardboard mats
Fratberry was standing there, covered in cats

Taco and Bonky and Daggy, had lunch
While Declan kept Trixxie, away from the punch

As my dream was ending, with My final look
I saw Sir John Hargrave, selling his book.

Cadbury Creme Midgets 96,156 48
04/21/2011 09:45 AM

Roses are red,
I have to poop.

fin.

turtle10 42,578 26
04/21/2011 09:47 AM

Zolton wears stripey shirts
Undies's back has started to hurt
Gorckat no longer posts
Dianadada is the one I like the most
Ollie has been in her panties
Turtle is jealous of the icon of SHP
Capcons are no longer funny
Office pranks aren't either
Maybe I just have Hay Fever.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
04/21/2011 01:33 PM

Half of these are not acrostics. You guys fail 6th grade Language Arts.

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
04/21/2011 01:45 PM

Undeniably honest,
Neato, and kind.
Does anyone wonder what's
Even on her mind?
Raptors and Frat,
What's looking in the bathroom window?
How am I going to fit this into a lesson plan?
Even the aliens want her, you know.
Read all her funny.
Everyone loves you, honey.

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
04/21/2011 01:53 PM

Shut up!
Quiet, you
Uneducated sloth,
Idiotic
Retard. You
Repugnant,
Extrinsic
Loser

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
04/21/2011 02:00 PM

Do I fail at life at 6th grade language arts?

Ravos, I haz one 63,472 21
04/21/2011 02:04 PM

Yes Yes

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
04/21/2011 02:25 PM

I was asking Undies, you pathetic waste.

UnderWear? 63,472 21
04/21/2011 02:27 PM

Yes Yes.

The High Priestess 58,986 29
04/21/2011 02:33 PM

Hindenburg tits
In your face
Great taste
HFrost this Shakespeare, my name is to long

P
R

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
04/21/2011 02:34 PM

Frost you, Ravos. Mouse-over works.

Cadbury Creme Midgets 96,156 48
04/21/2011 02:46 PM

Longing for acceptance,
On a board for the wise.
But shall never fit in,
Since we despise,
Trailer whores.
Email in profile,
Remember, bras are not tits.

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
04/21/2011 02:49 PM

M
I
D
G
E
T
S

Can go suck a dick.

BisectYouAll 5,200 15
04/21/2011 02:50 PM

Doesn't post as much as he did.
He's probably a 12 year old kid.
HandsomeRandall has made himself scarce.
That's okay,
His Shakespeare just wasn't that funny.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/21/2011 02:53 PM

Buys drinks
Inebriates women
Gets away with having sex with them because they didn't say no and can't describe me to a sketch artist.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/21/2011 02:54 PM

Hey Preview, Frost YOU, it all fit on one line in preview.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/21/2011 02:55 PM

CHARLIE SHEEN'D

SIV9939 13,642 16
04/21/2011 02:55 PM

When I read turtle's "Look at me" I read it to the tune of "Handlebars."

Cadbury Creme Midgets 96,156 48
04/21/2011 02:56 PM

Fifes are all the rage
According to
Grandpa.

BisectYouAll 5,200 15
04/21/2011 02:59 PM

His icon's a penis.
His name's about Easter.
I don't even know him,
But I wanna plow his keister.

Shellebelle 77,143 25
04/21/2011 03:50 PM

I used to know a guy named turtle
Now he is dead to me
Dead. To. Me
This poem sucks.

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
04/21/2011 04:10 PM

I have it on good authority that the poem wasn't about you, Shelle.

Fratberry 283,052 53
04/21/2011 04:12 PM

Are we only doing (shaddap) poems about people on Live or can we submit something here that has nothing to do with anyone here?

BisectYouAll 5,200 15
04/21/2011 04:28 PM

Poems with no meaning
Tend to lead to suicide.
So go ahead with the jibberish
And let us know when you've died.

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
04/21/2011 04:34 PM

Being
Radical
And
Debonaire

Partly
Organic
Yogurt
Never
Touches
Erectile
Region

Fratberry 283,052 53
04/21/2011 04:37 PM

Diamond Dave’s Lament

I’m driving home
I’m all alone
Driving someone else's car
And I don’t have far
To go
I know
Finally in the house
Crept in like a mouse
Flashed a sign of peace
As my roommates forehead creased
Time to unpack and unwind
Empty my pockets what should I find
Cuss words fill the air
Into my hand I do stare
The look of headlights on a deer
I’ve realized my worst fear
Don’t let it be, oh please
It’s my girlfriends dammed old car keys
I’m laughed at and kidded
So out the door I skidded
But what did I forget
My good friend Mr. Cigarette
I’m gone now like the wind
Five bucks of gas to spend
My girlfriend will be so happy
But me I’m feeling crappy
Even though I aim to please
I hate those dammed old car keys.

This took him about a half hour. I wrote it while he was gone. Written in 1994. If we ever have a bad poetry contest I am so winning it.

KChikita Rexasaurus 128,451 98
04/21/2011 04:37 PM

Some of you seem to have spelling issues.

turtle10 42,578 26
04/21/2011 04:40 PM

So
Happy
Enjoying
Licking
Lavender
Envelopes

Because
Everyone
Loves
Lady
Endorphins



Yeah, I got nothing because dead guys can't write.

Fratberry 283,052 53
04/21/2011 04:43 PM

Some of you seem to have spelling issues.

Unpossible.

Shellebelle 77,143 25
04/21/2011 04:53 PM

So
Happy
Enjoying
Licking
Lavender
Envelopes

Because
Everyone
Loves
Lady
Endorphins


You should have quit when you were ahead.

BisectYouAllPoet 5,200 15
04/21/2011 05:08 PM

Bend over
It's on it's way
So remember the times before you were gay
Excitement has new meaning
Cause my dick is coming in
To tickle your taint and swizzle your inards
You'll wiShakespeare'd never end
Ouch! you might say
Until you start to like it
And you start thinking of other ways
Lollipops can
Launch like rockets.

TWSS - with HOT FUDGE!! BWAHAHAHA! 27,416 24
04/22/2011 02:28 AM

Purple
Llama
Apple
Hockey Stick


This is easy!

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
04/22/2011 09:05 AM

You spelled Phla's name wrong. She is gonna tennisball choochoo train monkey stick all over you.

TWSS - with HOT FUDGE!! BWAHAHAHA! 27,416 24
04/22/2011 10:20 AM

I blame the sauce.

Phla 3.0 131,068 34
04/22/2011 08:55 PM

YOU DIDN'T SAY THERE WAS SAUCE! A+

I don't know what we're doing so I'll just leave this here.

Lordy lordy,
I'm so bored-y.
Candle
Koala
Mickey
Eeyore-dy

Drewcifer 46,366 58
04/22/2011 10:28 PM

I ran into an old ex-girlfriend
Then I backed up and ran into her again

Sometimes,

I miss her

XQZV 13,642 16
04/23/2011 01:13 AM

Why hasn't anyone written an acrostic for me?

Jeeni jelly beani 47,815 51
04/23/2011 10:23 AM

Xpecting
Quietly ~
Zug's
Verbile

Madness 4,366 10
04/23/2011 02:00 PM

Hickory dickory dock.
Frost you.

By: Madness

BillSalamie 67,060 13
04/25/2011 10:01 AM

Condescending
Annoying
Pedantic
Twat.

Somewhere, you're out there, doing you're schtick
Keeping up your tradition of being a dick.
If you happen to lurk here from time to time
Please take a moment to read my verse and the rhyme
Phuc always hated you, and so did we.
You're an Emerson then and you always will be.

Fratberry 283,052 53
04/25/2011 10:33 AM

Hahaha, oh man. I just read the part of the directions saying what kind of poem we were supposed to write, using ME as an example.

AlabasterJenkins 355 8
04/25/2011 07:29 PM

Always the last to laugh.
Loathing tele-tubbies.
Almost agnostic.
But only when it's convenient.
Actually, usually.
Starting to ramble.
Time to go.
Everyone knows.
Rush and roulette blows my mind.

AlabasterJenkins 355 8
04/25/2011 08:02 PM

Please give me the God damn orbs
Let me have just 2 or 3
Everyone already knows I'm not funny
At least one clickie?
Screw you then, Emerson
Except, of course you, tuituiman, BisectYouAllPoet, zerocool, TheCheechLopez, professor Nutbutter, KChikita Rexasaurus, Fratberry, Jesus' Affordable Lawn Care inc., Joo Grrrrl, It's Frogpop, Frogpop,Big Irish Guy, bbig438, Dave's not here, almonds, dinesh, cakes and ale, Unapologetic Panda, MungChamp, Brubert dianerdasaur, Dropkick Brody, UnderEgg!, SIV9939, Zolton Under Glass, Spicey mcHaggis, Zeke Mahogany, Spring Chix at Tractor Supply, Manhole, Mark Hill drewcifer, BC Bud, The Mailman, Barney Friday, Jeeni jelly beani, Disco Bob hydrant-monkey, Brad Poynter and Thud.

Barney Friday 2,612 19
04/25/2011 08:09 PM

I MADE A LIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
04/26/2011 10:23 PM

Shut up!
Quiet, you
Uneducated sloth,
Idiotic
Retard. You
Repugnant,
Extrinsic
Loser


Wow, how did I miss that?


Look, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Obviously you have a crush. Like Turd
Boy. But please, oh could you please
Stop, before I say mean things, then you'll
Trip out and post a long diatribe about
Everything you find wrong with Zug. You
Really don't want that do you?

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
04/26/2011 11:03 PM

That's really Frosted
up. Someone gives a
really nice 4 orb that I
deserve. Then a Frost-ing
Bitch, gives a one
orb dropping it to two
you know who you are!

Shellebelle 77,143 25
04/26/2011 11:10 PM

Then a Frost-ing
Bitch, gives a one
orb dropping it to two

Hey! It wasn't me.


Last week I watched an episode of Anthony Bourdain where he skinned a squirrel and made a potpie out of it. It looked pretty good.


I need to brush up on my poetry skills.

Shellebelle 77,143 25
04/26/2011 11:15 PM

potpie

That looks weird. Pot pie. Two words. Frostaroo.

PRAM 80,728 42
04/26/2011 11:25 PM

Once upon a post-night dreary,
while I pondered, weak and teary
at the many funny posts
made in a Liver war

While I farted from the laughing,
suddenly there came a crapping,
crapping at my pant's rear door

quoth the Maven, "it's on the floor!"

PRAM 80,728 42
04/26/2011 11:30 PM

Hmmm.... Well, that almost spelled Owen Wilson.