How I met Scary Gary by a bus bench somewhere near Sandusky A comedy article
by AlabasterJenkins 355 8 04/26/2011 01:58 AM 254 views
So the other day I'm sitting on a bus bench, off the 101 just south of Sandusky when here comes this onion truck, pulling up on the curb right in front me. This in and of itself wouldn't have been much to be alarmed at but ya see, the bench I was sitting on was on the east side of the road, and this truck was headed south. So as it were, this fella had to cross an entire highway to end up pointing the wrong direction on a road which, granted, is not the busiest, but one in which it still seems that this sort of thing would usually be a pretty bad idea. At any rate, no sooner did the truck come to a stop than I see the driver's door fling open and I see the driver turn and reach behind himself to grab this other guy and in one swift motion throw him and a tattered duffle bag across his lap and out the door! The dust hadn't even settled before the trucking was roaring, trying to make it's getaway.
Of course my first reaction is, 'Oh this is gonna be good'. I get up to go over to see if this guy is alright. As soon as I get to my feet he's already brushing himself off and walking toward me with a big, crooked grin. "Hey there Bud!", he shouts from about 6 feet away, "The name's Gary and I can tell you everything you want to know about making moonshine and sneaking pharmecuticals over the Canadian border for BIG peso's!"
"Gary", I said, "You alright?"
"Fine as could be, you?", he replied, as if nothing unusual had just taken place.
"Well what the hell just happend?"
"Oh, what? My arrival? Not grand enough? Pardon moi! Enough about me. You haven't even introduced yourself. Let me guess. Marvin? Harold? No, wait... Alabaster. It's Alabaster! Pleased to meet you!", Gary says.
I never should have had my name sewn on my fanny pack...
So that's how I met this crazy bastard I now refer to as 'Scary' Gary. I'm sorry to say I may have inadvertantly turned him on to ZugLive and we will probably all get to know him a little too well in short order.
I may not have been the first one to call you scary but I guarantee you didn't come up with it by yourself, as it is such an aptly qualified remark and you're Frost-ing stupid.
Well excuse me, I mis-spoke. There is no copyright infringement you just deficated on my character; which kind of makes sense, as I spent the majority of our time together behind you...
I don't know why we have to resort to the "F" word... especially from the catcher. As far as the eunich piece is concerned, Molly bit hard, but only got one... I'm not quite Eun-ified poon.
I refuse to dignify that with a reasonable or mature response.
I will tear your eyeballs out and stuff your sockets with old bacon grease and set your face on fire with a burning marshmellow you low-life pervert scum bag Emerson
I should explain to the uninitiated that Sandusky is a town in northwest Ohio, and that in certain parts of Ohio, the name Gary is pronounced in such a way that it rhymes with the word scary.
Group suicide is definitely an option, if he does it first. Dogs, as sad as it is to say... This is not an act of profile multiplicity. Gary is his own person, about 500 miles away currently, I hope.
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