Everybody gets sick. But in today's world of escalating doctor's bills, who can afford to? We've all toughed out the odd cold, flu, or pulsating growth because we couldn't squeeze the medical costs into our budget, but is it really a good idea to risk our health like that? There's got to be a better way!
One alternative is homeopathic medicine, a time-honored method of healing that can supposedly cure your ails with nothing more than the power of nature. I was cynical at first, but then I learned that homeopathy was created by a German scientist. They've never been wrong about anything.
I was ailing something fierce and I needed help fast, so I decided to master the science of homeopathy in just a single day. Read on to see if homeopathy saved my life, or if eating a bunch of flowers somehow proved to be a waste of time!
The Basics
Homeopathy is one of many branches of alternative medicine. What sets it apart from the others, aside from its juvenilely hilarious name, is its popularity: it's a multibillion dollar industry, and you can even find homeopathic remedies right next to the Tylenol at your local drugstore.
Something that popular has to be effective, right? Hell, some of its proponents claim that homeopathic remedies are more effective than mainstream medication, and the only reason homeopaths aren't running around curing cancer is that the profiteering douchebags behind big pharmaceutical companies are keeping them down.
It may sound like a conspiracy theory, but I wouldn't put it past some pharmaceutical companies.
And all homeopaths agree that their remedies are useful, because they're natural, safe and "work in harmony with your immune system." Words like "natural" and "harmony" come up a lot when researching homeopathy, although you don't see "clinically proven" very often. But who needs science when you have hundreds of customer testimonials?
If homeopathy can change the life of Ryan from Kentucky's father by eliminating his anal itching, it can do anything.
There's a catch: a typical remedy costs around 40 dollars, plus shipping. If homeopathy is going to set me back as much as modern drugs, then why don't I just consult an actual doctor? Absurd, right?
"It looks like you've got a serious case of being a sucker."
You can buy cheaper remedies, but do you think I'm going to risk my health on some sketchy crap that was made in some unqualified Emerson's basement? Why would I do that, when I could make my own sketchy crap in my own basement? Think of the money I'd save!
But at this point, I knew less about homeopathy than Chris Brown knows about respecting women. If I wanted to make my own remedies, I had to do some research.
Modern Homeopathy
Homeopathy has existed since 1796, when a physician, Samuel Hahnemann, laid down the rules of the practice based on the classic scientific principle of "Eh, sounds good to me, I guess."
"You want me to run tests? What am I, a doctor? Wait, Shakespeare."
The rules of homeopathy haven't changed much since Hahnemann wrote down whatever came to his sausage and beer-addled mind, but modern homeopathy is nonetheless a huge field of study with many devoted followers. A simple Google search brings up dozens of homeopathy schools, many of them with actual campuses, multiyear programs and admission requirements beyond "give us money."
Then again, how good can a school be if you can't rely on your rich alumni father to get you in?
Put simply, homeopathic remedies are made with highly diluted ingredients that cause symptoms similar to what you're trying to cure -- this is known as the "law of similars," and practiced by college freshmen who fight hangovers with more booze. As one website explained it, "If the symptoms of your cold are similar to poisoning by mercury, then mercury would be your homeopathic remedy." Hopefully that was just an example, and this wouldn't end with me dying from mercury poisoning.
No matter how many symptoms you're suffering from, you're supposed to use a single remedy to combat all of them at once. So if you're a cancer patient looking to use homeopathy to fight off a head cold, well, you're pretty much Frosted.
This remedy will cure your bronchitis, but only if you give yourself herpes first.
The basic principles of homeopathy seemed simple enough, but I was concerned. If people spent years mastering the practice, how could I create remedies in just a single day?
Pretty damn easily, as it turned out. The majority of homeopaths encourage the use of home remedies. Even if you don't know what you're doing, it's safe because homeopathy is all-natural.
Between the blessing of the professionals and the full hour of Internet research I had under my belt, I figured it was time to prepare my cures.
Please continue to Part 2: Twizzlers and Aphrodisiacs!
|
|
Store
2,105 
7 
11,193 
112
