I was attempting to master the art of homeopathy in just a single day (read Part One here).
The Results
After seeing the homeopathic process firsthand, I wasn't optimistic about the usefulness of my remedies. But I drank them anyway, because I wouldn't be much of an experimenter if I quit halfway. And I was thirsty.
My optimism returned when I tried the cough remedy, because it tasted as terrible as real cough syrup (bark doesn't dilute well). But all it did was make my cough worse, because in addition to my regular coughing I was also hacking up pieces of tree. Damn, no wonder my remedy didn't work -- that lingering bark must have brought it down a mere 6X.
How could something all-natural taste so terrible?
All that coughing left me exhausted, and that's where my second remedy came in. It tasted normal, but that was the only improvement -- I didn't feel more energetic at all.
I had planned ahead for this backfire by preparing a second all-natural fatigue remedy. The backup gave me a ton of energy.
I could probably just live off coffee and chocolate, because they're all-natural.
Despite two failures I was really excited about trying the aphrodisiac, because the recipe made the bold promise of providing "healthy and pleasurable orgasms." Usually when I ejaculate I experience nothing but overwhelming pain followed by two weeks of migraine headaches, so something different would be nice.
I was getting homeoerotic.
Unfortunately, nothing happened. I don't want to get too graphic, so I'll just say that I didn't notice any change in my... prowess. I even made sure to spend several hours watching pornography both before and after consuming the remedy (for science), but there was no difference in my reaction. I guess I'm doomed to suffer a lifetime of systemic imbalance in my junk.
Conclusion
To my great surprise, it turned out to be a waste of time to consult pseudoscientific, New Age hippies for medical advice. Could it possibly be that highly educated medical professionals with decades of experience are the better option? Nah, that must be the tree bark talking.
I haven't been this disappointed in German science since I first learned about the Holocaust. But there is one positive I took away from this experiment: homeopathy is the easiest thing in the world to do, and people will pay big bucks for the results. I therefore invite you to try...
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