Whistler 186,138 44
05/01/2011 10:59 PM

Obama is going to parade through the streets of Washington with Bin Laden's head on a pike! It's true!

Well, they are saying that U.S. agents have the body.

The High Priestess 58,986 29
05/01/2011 11:10 PM

Guess what today is? The 8th anniversary of this travesty:



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The Mailman 176,467 56
05/01/2011 11:12 PM

Way to steal Kate and William's thunder, you terrorist dick.

Thud 68,525 19
05/01/2011 11:13 PM

Frost-ing nice.

Jepperoni 58,758 13
05/01/2011 11:15 PM

Hi everybody! I haven't been here in months, but you know, when any breaking newShakespeares, ZUG is the place to be!

So, where's the creeple?

May Day! Pubah 56,851 18
05/01/2011 11:19 PM

Can't help but wonder how many people wouldn't have to have died if Bush hadn't diverted troops, resources and attention to Iraq in 2002. Thank you troops...you are my heros.

Did they find him on the stool?

The High Priestess 58,986 29
05/01/2011 11:19 PM

He was killed in a cave in Pakistan.










































Oh you ment Osama!

The Mailman 176,467 56
05/01/2011 11:22 PM

In other news, I heard that Phla ate cheesecake today.

Jepperoni 58,758 13
05/01/2011 11:23 PM

Focus people!!! Focus!!! What up with the creeple?!?!

Whistler 186,138 44
05/01/2011 11:23 PM

First, I want to say that I really, really, really hope that the news leaks out that they shot him while he was sitting on the john, taking a Shakespeare.

Second, I predict that Chickens will bump the 9/11/2001 thread first thing Monday morning.

Closet Friend 7,665 11
05/01/2011 11:24 PM

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead Osama Bin Laden? When you jump on the trampoline, you take your boots off...

Jepperoni 58,758 13
05/01/2011 11:28 PM

He had an itsy bitsy teenie weenie,
Camel Shakespeare encrusted weenie....

Dianerdasaur 57,835 109
05/01/2011 11:33 PM

Look, I'm just saying I think we should see the long form death certificate.







(/stolen)

SIV9939 13,642 16
05/01/2011 11:36 PM

All right, we finally got him! And since al-Qaeda doesn't know how to pick a new leader we're in the clear!

Pubah 56,851 18
05/01/2011 11:42 PM

Shot
By the Butler
In the bathroom

Fixed!

Phla 3.0 131,068 34
05/01/2011 11:44 PM

Pretty much hoping the guy who killed him is gay.

The High Priestess 58,986 29
05/01/2011 11:45 PM

And a Jew

Pubah 56,851 18
05/01/2011 11:49 PM

Or the guy is female...ran over him while driving a car...wearing a tank top and shorts...drinking a beer...eating porkchops...whistling some Jewish folk song

Chit 178,781 15
05/01/2011 11:49 PM

Here we were busy turning over rocks in caves in Afghanistan...

I heard they tracked him down cause he had a huge "OSAMA BIN LADEN" written on the mailbox of his mansion in the capitol of Pakistan.

The High Priestess 58,986 29
05/01/2011 11:52 PM

Or the guy is female...ran over him while driving a car...wearing a tank top and shorts...drinking a beer...eating porkchops...whistling some Jewish folk song

And french kissing her wife.

iBong 432 6
05/02/2011 12:06 AM

Whats the difference between dog Shakespeare and Osama Bin Laden?




The dog Shakespeare eventully turns white and loses its smell.

Phla 3.0 131,068 34
05/02/2011 12:09 AM

YOU. OUT.

Filly: Willing Conspirator 39,193 20
05/02/2011 12:12 AM

Especially since bone also turns....wait for it....white and doesn't smell.

Trust me. I know.

dinesh 24,862 16
05/02/2011 12:15 AM

you need to date a normal dude.

iBong 432 6
05/02/2011 12:16 AM

noNO!

PRAM 80,728 42
05/02/2011 12:23 AM

My special effects technician alerted me to Bin Ladin's passing. He said my film killed him. I believe it. I'm going to slather my naked body with molten marshmallow fluff to celebrate.

PRAM 80,728 42
05/02/2011 12:40 AM

Ok fine, I won't.

Declan as Dexter Fisher 131,891 36
05/02/2011 12:43 AM

In a cave in Pakistan



With the candlestick.

Chit 178,781 15
05/02/2011 01:44 AM

Sweet...Now I finally know how to make a blank submission.

Post an animated GIF like it's a standard image.

Anyone wanna tell me how it's done?

TWSS - with HOT FUDGE!! BWAHAHAHA! 27,416 24
05/02/2011 01:49 AM

The news reporter said they have "some of his body" in custody. I find that statement hee-lar-ee-us.

iBong 432 6
05/02/2011 01:50 AM

Nope

Chit 178,781 15
05/02/2011 01:54 AM

Bingo-Bitch!

Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
05/02/2011 08:30 AM

Are we sure he's dead? He might just smell that way because he's been in a cave for 5 years.

KChikita Rexasaurus 128,451 98
05/02/2011 08:44 AM

The President said Bin Laden, 54, was found in a walled compound 35 miles from Islamabad, Pakistan, in an affluent retirement town called Abbottabad.

Nice cave, bro.

(Source)

Fratberry 283,052 53
05/02/2011 08:48 AM

First, I want to say that I really, really, really hope that the news leaks out that they shot him while he was sitting on the john, taking a Shakespeare.

Oh I'm pretty sure there are TWO exit wounds on that one.

MungChamp 35,891 35
05/02/2011 08:51 AM

Now that Bin Laden is dead, can I bring full-sized shampoo bottles on a plane now?

The High Priestess 58,986 29
05/02/2011 08:53 AM

I want to know if still have to take my shoes off when going through security.

BisectYouAllPoet 5,200 15
05/02/2011 09:20 AM

Thanks for the update on the Emerson in the desert. Now who got fired on The Apprentice?

The High Priestess 58,986 29
05/02/2011 09:21 AM

Trump.

MungChamp 35,891 35
05/02/2011 09:24 AM

Osama Bin Laden shouldn't have used his real address on PlayStation Network.

Quoth the Ravos, 'Nevermore' 63,472 21
05/02/2011 09:35 AM

I want to know if still have to take my shoes off when going through security.

He's been living in a cave, I don't think he had shoes to take off anyway.

Jeeni jelly beani 47,815 51
05/02/2011 09:51 AM

I gave you 5 orbs even though the last pic looked like tusks.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
05/02/2011 10:50 AM

I crawled out from under my study-rock to celebrate this joyous occasion with those who matter most to me!* AMERICA! Frost YEAH!

*LOL JK

BisectYouAllPoet 5,200 15
05/02/2011 11:01 AM

Isn't it great how being an American gives you the right to storm in to another country and kill people because "you think" they are evil? I heard Bin Laden dropped to his knees and asked for a trial. But the slimey Americans shot him in the head and peed on his corpse.

Classy country you guys have.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
05/02/2011 11:05 AM

Also, my facebook news feed is filled with variations of the same three posts:

Renewed interest in patriotic fervor: AMERICA RULES!!! I LOVE THE STARS AND STRIPES MORE THAN THE GENTLE CARESS OF A WOMAN!

Self-satisfied hipster of the patriots: I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT, AMERICA! I LOVED AMERICA BEFORE IT WAS COOL TO LOVE AMERICA! GO AMERICA!

Holier-than-thou: Ugh, why are we celebrating the death of a human being? My attention span is short enough that I have forgotten the fact that he is responsible for the atrocities on September 11th, 2001. Either that or I am too young to clearly remember the event. Either way, I will put up my nose at the natural inclination to celebrate this victory and I will make myself feel so important by saying I hope he rests in peace. WWJD?

Yeah, that last one is real. No joke.

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
05/02/2011 11:15 AM

As much as I hate to admit it, it wasn't me.

Manhole 21,658 29
05/02/2011 11:38 AM

Isn't it great how being an American gives you the right to storm in to another country and kill people

WE DO WHAT WE WANT!

BisectYouAllPoet 5,200 15
05/02/2011 12:14 PM

It's too bad the rest of us can only move half way around the globe from America. It's not far enough.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/02/2011 12:38 PM

Awww, Bisect is upset he wasn't invited to NOLA either.

Spring Chix at Tractor Supply 286,647 61
05/02/2011 01:28 PM

Heh. My local paper's headline:

OBAMA SAYS OSAMA DEAD



Clearly, not fans of the prez.

The Tax Man Plays With Your Money 5,582 10
05/02/2011 01:54 PM

As a mostly-embarrassed-at-how-Frost-ing-stupid-we-are-collectively American, I also ask: How come Osama/Usama/Wesama is never refered to as the alleged mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks? I know I spent a lot of time on Shelle's boudoir pics, but holy Shakespeare, did I miss the trial?

Whatever, I guess. I'm about as mean as the average dipShakespeare, but I can't get behind celebrating killing a guy. The fools jumping for joy outside the White House last night just needed a burning effigy to look exactly like every radical islamic group that's ever formed to burn our president in effigy. So I guess we're all equal now. Yay?

Declan as Dexter Fisher 131,891 36
05/02/2011 01:55 PM

Well, neither are you, pullet.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/02/2011 02:01 PM

I also ask: How come Osama/Usama/Wesama is never refered to as the alleged mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks? I know I spent a lot of time on Shelle's boudoir pics, but holy Shakespeare, did I miss the trial?


I guess you missed 2004 when he admitted it.

Hay Fever 98,023 37
05/02/2011 02:05 PM

I am so relieved to see folks speaking up about the distastefulness of the celebrations. I had the same reaction when I saw Return of the Jedi, and everyone was cheering and singing at the end after the Emperor was killed. I mean, the guy never got a trial or anything! Who says he was responsible for all those deaths? The only time we saw him use his lightning bolt fingers was in self defense.

The Tax Man Plays With Your Money 5,582 10
05/02/2011 02:10 PM

Gosh yeah, he admitted it. That must make it true. No one ever lies for any reason, do they?

And of course, he'd see no value in taking credit for it, (a term I think is more appropriate to his statements than "admiting it"), would he?

C'mon, it's simply pathetic & distasteful to dance in celebration at someone else's death. Or do you support the Westboro Church members as well?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/02/2011 02:16 PM

I never commented on the people celebrating in the streets. I was just responding to why the media were not saying he was allegedly responsible. While he may or may not have lied about being the mastermind is debatable, media outlets can call him the mastermind because he claimed to have been responsible.

The Tax Man Plays With Your Money 5,582 10
05/02/2011 02:23 PM

True, sorry about that. Got caught up in hatin on my fellow Ameridumbs for looking so stupid as they celebrated.

I'll return to other, equally unfunny, topics now. Or later.


P.S. To Jeeni - Loved that post. Only skimmed the first part in my rush to respond, so when I re-read it fully I was cracking up. Nicely played, ma'am.

Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
05/02/2011 02:27 PM

I'm about as Progressive as they come (I LIKE that people are on welfare!), but I'm thinking about taking up a collection to bribe John to release the real names of BisectYouAllIdiot and the TaxingMan so we can turn them over to some right-wing crackpot militia. With guns.

BisectYouAllPoet 5,200 15
05/02/2011 02:37 PM

I think the Star Wars similarities died with Reagan. It's obvious the Emperor was a terrorist. He was building a giant weapon, designed to destroy an entire planet.
If you really want to look at a film that mirrors the things the US is doing now, look at The Lost Boys. The bad guys live in a cave and pretty much keep to themselves, except if they need to eat. The good guys come from out of town, with their own set of rules. Find a couple of people in town who agree with their "comicbook-style" law and coordinate an attack against the cave dwellers. They even invite the "bad guys" to come over to their house and have a party (Sept 11)...where they serve them garlic; something they are obviously not fond of. Ultimately, the "good guys" kills the bad guys by attacking them and stabbing them in the chest.
I know there are a few hole here, but there are just as many, if not more with the Star Wars example. I mean wookies and jawas aren't even real.

Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
05/02/2011 03:12 PM

I'm with Dogs on this one. If I leaned any further left I'd fall over, but Bin Laden orchestrated (blah freaking "allegedly") attacks that killed 343 of my brother firefighters and I am happy to see him go out a coward in hiding. I'm not overly patriotic, but Frost yeah to the soldiers who carried out this mission.

Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32 checks his pockets
05/02/2011 03:17 PM

Okay, I got...seven, seven dollars and thirty two cents. John has to be still paying off that Superbowl prank, right?

BisectYouAllPoet 5,200 15
05/02/2011 03:17 PM

It's one thing to be relieved that he has paid for what he did. For this, I am relieved.

It's an entirely different thing if you dance and celebrate his murder. Yes, murder. No trial took place.

Hay Fever 98,023 37
05/02/2011 03:18 PM

I understand this is difficult for you, BisectYouAll, and I want to help.

Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
05/02/2011 03:23 PM

It's an entirely different thing if you dance and celebrate his murder. Yes, murder. No trial took place.

What murder? A wanted criminal was told to surrender, decided to resist and was fatally injured as a result. Happens all the time in America!

PRAM 80,728 42
05/02/2011 03:37 PM

I gave you 5 orbs even though the last pic looked like tusks.

I gave him 5 orbs even though the first pic looked like me.

Drewcifer the Laughing Lizard 46,366 58
05/02/2011 03:43 PM

I used to live in the DC area (Alexandria VA), and I can assure you that the majority of the people outside the White House singing and cheering were drunk people from local bars. I've occasionally been in crowds like that at Lafayettte Park.

BisectYouAllPoet 5,200 15
05/02/2011 03:59 PM

Thanks, Hay Fever. It's so nice to get a positive tip from itchy eyes and a runny nose.

Hay Fever 98,023 37
05/02/2011 04:00 PM

All this patriotism and patting the president on the back is pretty damn hilarious when it is obvious that the Americans had nothing to do with Osama's death.


Do you really think it's a coincidence that Prince William and Katepostponed their honeymoon and wanted to keep their location over the weekend private?

And speaking of postponement, why wasn't the space shuttle launched???

Duh! William and Kate stole the shuttle so they could fly to Afghanistan and take down Osama. They knew he would be so preoccupied with blogging about their wedding that he would never see it coming.

Spring Chix at Tractor Supply 286,647 61
05/02/2011 04:01 PM

Well done Fox.

BisectYouAllPoet 5,200 15
05/02/2011 04:02 PM

Damn auto-type!

Filly: Willing Conspirator 39,193 20
05/02/2011 04:10 PM

You know what's really cool?

You guys can bitch and moan over whether he should have been tried or whatever, but he's still dead. Hahahaa.

Spring Chix at Tractor Supply 286,647 61
05/02/2011 04:15 PM

We can only hope.

Manhole 21,658 29
05/02/2011 04:24 PM

I still can't get over how he was staying in a million dollar compound with 18 foot high walls about 30 miles from the capital of Pakistan and they didn't know he was there.

I mean, it's obvious that they need even more money and technology so they can help us find the other terrorists!

KChikita Rexasaurus 128,451 98
05/02/2011 04:40 PM

Mere days after receiving his new iPhone4, Osama bin Laden gravely regrets being taught how to use Facebook's 'check-in' feature.

SIV9939 13,642 16
05/02/2011 06:26 PM

If you really want to look at a film that mirrors the things the US is doing now, look at The Lost Boys

Admitting you know the plot of The Lost Boys immediately invalidates any points you're trying to make.

Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
05/02/2011 07:37 PM

I had the same reaction when I saw Return of the Jedi

My love of Straw right now is so deep that I would kill a terrorist right now! Without a trial! With my bare hands! (Well, maybe my bare hands holding a big Frost-ing rock.)

Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
05/02/2011 07:42 PM

Also:

Pubah 56,851 18
05/03/2011 01:16 AM

I like the line Letterman said about the 'warning shot' through his forehead.

Mission Freakin Accomplished!

Quoth the Ravos, 'Nevermore' 63,472 21
05/03/2011 08:37 AM

I still can't get over how he was staying in a million dollar compound with 18 foot high walls about 30 miles from the capital of Pakistan and they didn't know he was there.

They could have just used google maps satellite feature.

KChikita Rexasaurus 128,451 98
05/03/2011 09:02 AM

I remember when Google Maps' satellite view was KEYHOLE. And I LIKED IT!

You're all soft.

Chix 286,647 61
05/04/2011 04:51 PM

Why do they do this Shakespeare?

1. Release news that they have killed OBL.
2. Immediately dispose of body.
3. Refuse to release pictures of body.

It just makes them (and by reflection we the American people) look like idiots.

We will have to listen to conspiracy theorists out the wazoo forever on this one.

Filly: Willing Conspirator 39,193 20
05/04/2011 04:54 PM

Maybe it's because, oh, I dunno...they don't want the sicker fringe of the American populace making T-shirts out of the picture?

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
05/04/2011 04:56 PM

The real reason the pictures were not released is because they can't find one without SEAL TEAM 6 teabagging the corpse in it.

Internet Winrar Snork 45,655 12
05/04/2011 05:05 PM

Bad idea: sticking your penis into a mouse trap.
Good idea: releasing the pictures now.
Better idea: releasing the pictures right before the election.

Filly: Willing Conspirator 39,193 20
05/04/2011 05:06 PM

My guess is that the pictures will be "leaked" in October.

Internet Winrar Snork 45,655 12
05/04/2011 05:06 PM

And by "mouse trap" I meant a post-op tranny mouse.

Duh.

The High Priestess 58,986 29
05/04/2011 10:07 PM

Filly, it's already happening. I have mixed feelings of this.

A: I am a capatalist loving pig who is ROFLCOPTER-ing at the irony that people are making money off his death with a economical system he tried to bring down.
B: Some of these are really tasteless. Some are patriotic and ok and then some are just horrible.

Phla 3.0 131,068 34
05/04/2011 10:50 PM

And some are still butthurt because their Major Breaking News thread was up fifteen minutes before this one. (Can I have your trophy?)

The High Priestess 58,986 29
05/04/2011 10:54 PM

I am sorry. You can have the trophy. What can I do to make this better? Monkies, a frying pan, a black hole, one of Frat's stones?

Phla 3.0 131,068 34
05/04/2011 11:33 PM

Only if "one of Frat's stones" is code for Bankey. But thanks, I was looking for a good frying pan.

Manhole 21,658 29
05/04/2011 11:50 PM

What can I do to make this better

Straw and I first found out about the death of OBL via Yahoo on Sunday night. Approximately 11.2 microseconds later, we both asked eachother it GAb knew about it, and promptly logged in. But instead of just blindly starting a thread, we took a few seconds to see if anyone else had started one before us.

And that's when we saw Phla's thread.

The.End.

Shellebelle 77,143 25
05/05/2011 12:24 AM

I am amazed at how many facebook users have fallen for the "Osama Kill: Leaked Military video" scam. Any link on there that asks you to answer security questions before viewing is obviously a fake. Duh.

And then when people answer the questions, everyone on their friend list gets a link to it on their wall. Just. Stop. It.

Shellebelle 77,143 25
05/05/2011 12:32 AM

I know I spent a lot of time on Shelle's boudoir pics, but holy Shakespeare, did I miss the trial?


I've got a few extra 5 x7s left if you're interested. My husband won't let me frame them and put them up in the house. He says it makes people uncomfortable. And by people, he means my mother-in-law.