Besides being a place to buy a cheap couch, Craigslist has also become an excellent resource for posting jobs, looking for roommates, and -- for the criminally minded -- finding your next murder victim.
My favorite part of Craigslist, though, has to be the Missed Connections section, where people post messages to the potential lovers they were too nervous to approach in public, in the off-chance their soulmate might see it. These romantic foibles are a true testament to unrequited and improbable love, aired out in public.
Recently, it got me thinking: How many missed connections walk amongst us on a daily basis? What if we just vocalized our feelings to potential missed connections at the very moment we saw them? And what better place to find out than right in front of the office headquarters of Craigslist (222 Sutter Street) in downtown San Francisco!
My plan was set: I would confront random strangers in front of the Craigslist building with a "Missed Connection" ad, so I wouldn't later need to post a Craigslist "Missed Connection" ad. And just to make it more authentic, I decided to dress up like Craigslist founder Craig Newmark (I happen to have an extra beret).
TO THE OFFICES
With my newly acquired Craigslist look, I march into the office building at 222 Sutter Street. When I'm stopped by the security guard, I pull out a piece of paper.
"Can you give this to Craig 'Craigslist' Newmark, please?" I ask.
"What is it?" the security guard asks.
"I don't have a computer, and I want him to run a Missed Connection posting for me."
There's an uncomfortable silence.
"Can you give this to him?" I repeat.
The security guard explains that it's not policy for the company to run handwritten Missed Connection notes, and I should post it by using a computer.
"This is all part of the Illuminati's plan!" I huff, then take my missed connections to the streets.
MISSED CONNECTION 1: Elderly Asian Men on Sutter Street
I approach these two men and say, "Our lockers were close to each other, you stripped down getting ready to take a shower. I was packing up my gear and putting my stuff in my gym bag." They look at me quizzically, so I continue: "You're a nice-looking slender guy, trimmed pubes, way hot. Maybe you can offer me advice or show me how to trim?"
It turns out neither of them speak EngliShakespearery miming my words: putting great physical emphasis on the "stripping down and showering" part. Pointing to my beret, I add, "Don't be alarmed, I'm Craigslist founder Craig Newmark, and these are my offices!" I gesture theatrically at the towering building. The pair of elderly Asian men quickly walk away.
Result: After the men depart, I pull out my smartphone, and quickly post a "Missed Connection" on Craigslist summing up the encounter:
Elderly Asian Man In Blue Jacket
I approached you outside of the Craigslist offices and said: "Our lockers were close to each other, you stripped down getting ready to take a shower. I was packing up my gear and putting my stuff in my gym bag." You responded by not speaking English and walking away really fast.
Let's have coffee sometime!
MISSED CONNECTION 2: Woman on Cellphone With Scarf Around Neck
Maybe I need one of those more subtle Craigslist missed connection approaches. Straightening my Newmark beret, I approach a woman on a cellphone and spout:
"You: sexy woman on cell phone with a great smile and great attitude walking by Craigslist offices.
Me: scruffy-looking, flustered, and complaining about my insane day/week/month -- while standing outside of Craigslist offices.
I approached you while you were on your cell phone and you didn't give me the time of day. I should have gotten your phone number."
Result: Not only doesn't she give me the time of day, but she also looks at me like I'm the newest Craigslist killer.
MISSED CONNECTION 3: Man Shopping For Comical Knit Hats
"Are you shopping for comical knit hats?" I ask the man shopping for comical knit hats.
He smiles. "Yeah, they're funny."
The man continues looking at the comical knit hats. After an awkward pause, I throw out: "I asked about your comical knit hats and you had a beautiful smile. I wouldn't have posted a Missed Connection, but you took the time to say the hats were funny and I don't know if I'll ever run into you again. Please reply!"
The man looks at me. Then he looks at the comical knit hats. He looks at me again. Then back at the hats.
I clarify: "See the irony served here: I'm verbalizing a Craigslist Missed Connection post while standing outside the actual offices of Craigslist."
He nods, and walks away, keeping a wary eye on me.
"In case you're wondering," I call after him, "I'm not a Craigslist killer!"
Result: Another missed connection for my Craig Newmark doppelganger.
MISSED CONNECTION 4: Tall Street Musician Outside Craigslist Offices
A street musician who needs way too much attention bedazzles a crowd of tourists. Not only does this spiky-haired guy play guitar, but also the drums with his feet, while sporting some sort of steampunk contraption on his back. At the conclusion of his screaming rant of a song, I give him a double take -- as tourists put spare change into his cap. (Aren't buskers just beggars with guitars?)
Pulling out some spare change, I drop a few coins into his cap and add: "I was walking outside of Craigslist offices. You were standing on the sidewalk wearing a guitar, microphone, and some contraption on your back out of an H.G. Wells novel. We both did double takes."
The tall street musician looks at me for a beat, then breaks into another tourist crowd-pleasing number. When he finishes his next song, I add, "You think with a reaction like that, I'd be a Craigslist killer."
Result: Dressing like Craigslist founder Craig Newmark outside of the Craigslist offices does no good when trying to connect with missed connections. `
MISSED CONNECTION 5: Craig Newmark Alter Ego Misses Craig Newmark Alter-Alter Ego
Hey-hey! It's another Craig Newmark doppelganger walking in front of the goddamn offices of Craigslist! Or maybe it's the real Craig of Craigslist sporting a trendy new makeover? I get in stride with my compadre.
"You: Craigslist doppelganger outside of Craigslist office. Me: Craigslist doppelganger outside of Craigslist office. Let's get together and discuss how we're both not the Craigslist killer."
Result: One Craigslist doppelganger wanted to knock the block off another Craigslist doppelganger.
I guess some connections should stay missed.
|
|
Store
2,232 
7 
