My 1986 New Orleans Road Trip Story (as inspired by Dave's Not Here)
A comedy article
by Fratberry  283,052  53
05/23/2011 01:30 PM 333 views
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Years ago a couple of my friends decided that we would road trip New Orleans from our college in Milledgeville, GA and found ourselves stuck somewhere in Louisiana, unsure of whether or not we were headed toward New Orleans (I know, how hard could it be, right??). We pulled off the interstate, found a gas station (a real gas station... it was years ago) and we elected one of us to go and ask one of the mechanics about how to get to Slidell. So our friend Gary (who ended up working for the investigative arm of the IRS... the IRS dudes who carry GUNS) gets out and approaches the guy. We watched for a couple of minutes as both of them waved their arms about and pointed a lot. Finally Gary gets back to the car and he's completely quiet.
Well, what did he say??
"He said, You see that bridge? Don't go under it, don't go OVER it... turn right."
There was obviously no way to go over the bridge what with there being no road going over it and the fact that a Pontiac Sunbird is not a plane. So, as the driver, I made the decision.
"Welp, left it is then!"
We ended up in a motel in Slidell that was right next to a SLEAZY strip club that was damn near under the overpass. We figured it would be cheaper than trying to stay in New Orleans. It was also somewhat emotionally scarring so that was just a bonus. Strippers who work at strip clubs that are under an interstate overpass look about like you would expect them to look.
Like a scene out of the movie Fandango (which we loved and which nobody else had ever heard of)...
Doug: "Let's go there."
Gary: "We could see the donkey lady!" (surprisingly enough there was no donkey lady)
Me: "We could get diseases."
To tell you how dank and stanky the place was, the next morning we moved to the hotel across the street figuring the crabs couldn't make it across the road.
New Orleans was okay. If you like a really nasty, trashy, funky smelling town where you can pass out in a diner and nobody will lift your wallet (if at least one of you isn't passed out and the diner is well-lit).
There are photos of the trip (I never got a copy of Gary's photos which show the strip club and other stuff that probably shouldn't see the light of day anyway).
So, yeah, as a native of Alabama who once lived in Kentucky and has called Georgia home since 1976, I can proudly tell you that people in Louisiana are Frost-ing morons.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
10 votes
4.4
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Funny
6 votes
3.8
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Dave's not here 52,827  16
05/23/2011 02:22 PM
One question. Was the strip club called Scuttlebut?
Every time I pass that sign on the highway I get this image of crab-walking strippers scuttling sideways and leaving little snail trails across the stage.
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.3
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Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
05/23/2011 02:29 PM
I'm gonna be in NOLA in two weeks (NOLA, not Cleveland. The Frost would anyone want to go to Ohio for?) and I'm expecting to come back with an equally horrifying story.
If I'm lucky.
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Fratberry 283,052 53
05/23/2011 03:31 PM
I have no idea what the name of it was. I looked at it on a map just now and it doesn't match what I remember as far as location goes.
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Hilarious
9 votes
4.4
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Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
05/23/2011 03:34 PM
Given that you mentioned crabs, perhaps the place was named after some sort of shellfish? A clam or a shrimp or, I dunno, some other kind of bottom dwelling animal with claws and an exoskeleton.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.6
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Fratberry 283,052 53
05/23/2011 04:02 PM
"That's not bisque."
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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UnderWhere? 101,398 77
05/24/2011 05:56 AM
The Frost would anyone want to go to Ohio for?
1. Shelle & Ditdah
2. Relatives who just had adorable baby twin girls
3. ...
4. Have to go through it to get to the cheese festival in Wisconsin.
I'd rather go see New Orleans, but not so much during the summer. Say hi to Trixxie for me, Nutters!
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
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Fratberry 283,052 53
05/25/2011 02:53 PM
Ohio may be cleaner than New Orleans. In any way you could possibly imagine. Which is either good or bad, depending on what's yo pleasure.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.3
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The Mailman 176,467 56
05/25/2011 03:26 PM
The Frost would anyone want to go to Ohio for?
There was a time when I was a kid, when I wanted to go to every single US state, especially those with the funny 4-letter names: Utah, Iowa and Ohio.
This time has now passed, but I figure one of the possible answers to the question above would be:
- "To get the hell out of Utah or Iowa."
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