I need a cool story for my injury An idea challenge
by Spicey McHaggis 117,791 37 06/08/2011 11:42 AM 261 views
"I need a vacation from my vacation."
You've heard that sentence before. Most of the time it's complete hogwash. People say that to be ironic or clever or whatever the hipsters are calling it nowadays. Your vacation was great and you wish you didn't have to go work tomorrow, so shut the hell up. Your vacation didn't do this to you:
That's a massive bruise yes? Wanna hear the awesome story about how I got it?
So do I! The real story is lame so I won't bore you with it. Tell me wicked tale of this wicked bruise.
You were walking along minding your own business when suddenly the Sushi Brigade jumped out from behind a tree and shot you with a guppy out of a potato gun.
When you realized what was going on and started chasing them, they started yelling "Godzirra! Godzirra!" and scattered. However, the one with the potato gun stood his ground and frantically tried to reload it, this time with a large eel.
Slowed by your injury you made it just in time to knock the cannon away just as he fired it. The eel shot off over your shoulder and hit undies right square between the tits. After you ate the little sushi dude, you went over to see if she was alright and discovered that the eel had ripped her blouse and bra off.
As you helped her to her feet you stared at the welt on her boobs and said "Ahh! That's a Moray."
From the blinding whiteness of the surrounding area, it looks like an area that is usually covered, so why would a cool story required anyway?
Go to the nearest Whole Foods (or similar), get some Arnica Cream, and then apply it. Arnica helps bruises heal amazingly fast, and relieves discomfort.
"I'm still too shaken up to tell you the whole story, but suffice it to say that that you shouldn't wander off from the group when touring a Wisconsin dairy farm."
Declan, it's on his elbow and I don't want it to heal up too quickly. I like to poke at it when he's not paying attention. The little squeal he lets out is awesome.
When you got to Shelle's Undies said they had a surprise for you. You rang the doorbell while Undies disappeared around back. Shelle's husband opened the door.
"Hi, I'm friends with your wife online. Is she around?" you asked.
"You one of them Zug people?" he asked stroking his magnificent chest hair.
"Yes that'll be us."
"She's 'round back. I'll look after the young 'en for ya."
You thanked him and when around back. As you rounded the corner of the house your jaw hit the ground. There was Undies and Shelle wearing nothing but Optimus Prime and Megatron costumes. I'm talking full out Generation 1 Transformers here, with an arm mounted fusion cannon and everything. As you looked behind them you saw a pool filled with cubes of pink finger Jello.
"We found a stockpile of Energon cubes, but the evil Decepticons are trying to take it for themselves," said Undie-mus Prime.
"You'll never get the Energon. You are too weak!" replied Mega-Shelle as she pushed Undies into the pool, causing the Jello to shower the lawn.
"That was awesome!" you yelled after caching a piece of Jello in your mouth. Unfortunately, Undies took your cheer to mean you wanted Shelle to win. Undies tripped Shelle, quickly climbed on top of her and started beating the slag out of Shelle.
"No, stop it!" you yelled as you ran over to pull Undies off of Shelle. "That's not how Optimus would act at all!"
Shelle, relieved at being saved, blew you a kiss behind Undies' back. Unfortunately, Shelle's husband had just looked out the window to see what the yelling was about. Enraged, he came outside and hit you with a baseball bat.
Tell them that while vacationing in Tripoli, you had to elbow Col. Khadhafi out of the way to get to the burning busload of orphans and nuns before it went over a cliff into a huge pit lined with IEDs.
As someone who once broke her ankle answering a phone, I have some experience with this.
He Frost-ing fell off a ladder today. Luckily, our pool was there to break his fall. I'm not sure what it is with him and flinging himself from places. Clearly, he needs to stay the hell away from water or I'll never be able to collect on the insurance.
Sometimes, especially when considering the deductibles for emergency room visits, it can be cheaper to hire a professional, instead of "doing it yourself."
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