Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
06/22/2011 11:33 PM

Post links to smart people's websites. They hate that Shakespeare.

The Mailman 176,467 56
06/22/2011 11:48 PM

You have several friends from ZUG on Facebook. Perhaps we could all pretend to be Jewish and congratulate you on your recent conversion.

Shalom!

Rabbi Dogs Akimbo 211,626 32
06/23/2011 12:07 AM

And with the tip, what should be done?

Manhole 21,658 29
06/23/2011 12:12 AM

Ok..Ok..Ok.. Somebody post on my FB page that they just saw me wearing a yarmulke at an Alan Greenspan book signing.

Pole Walking Panda 181,795 70
06/23/2011 01:57 AM

One time I posted on a comedy website that it was a comedy website and I got unfriended. You might try that.

Chix 286,647 61
06/23/2011 07:11 AM

Why not create Eve twice? The boobie population of the world just doubled.


And you're complaining?


Fag.

Macho Man Ravos Savage 63,472 21
06/23/2011 08:31 AM

But it did confirmed a suspicion that had been growing in me for a while. The suspicion was that adults, could be wrong.

Which is when you decided you weren't going to grow up, and remained looking 13 for the rest of your natural life.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/23/2011 09:06 AM

You could start posting some of the racier or harder-to-defend bible verses. If you look around in that silly little book, there's stuff about turning chicks into prostitutes, jacking off donkeys, stoning Cub Scouts for masturbating, and even one defending the actions of Tracy Morgan.

It's quite a complex book.

The Tax Man Plays With Your Money 5,582 10
06/23/2011 09:08 AM

Wait, there are two Eves? WTF? I thought there were multiple Sybils?

Jesus this life thing is confusing.

turtle - king of boot knocking 42,578 26
06/23/2011 09:10 AM

You can block them. That way they don't see what you write, and you don't see what you write. /unfunny



Put a status stating your faith has been restored and you were invited to a Baptism party and you have to bring lemons. Tell them to check out the party page link.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/23/2011 09:11 AM

"And God said "Verily, I command thee to make another Eve, but with the last name of Plumb. And she shall go forth and play Jan Brady, and she shall be the source of much scorn, and she shall whine about her older sister thrice."

Straw as Farmer Ted 98,023 37
06/23/2011 09:14 AM

I have about 5 or so facebook friends that are Christians and will post Praise Jesus stuff all the time. But I don't see it every time I open up my facebook page because I have also "liked" so many random things like the local news stations, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Shakespeare My Kids Ruined, etc. Those tend to have lots of status updates and they clutter up my page so much that I barely see what is going on with real people.

If you want them to unfriend you on facebook without actually pissing them off, the best option is Too Much Information. Link to articles about the top 10 sex toys. Have a whole album dedicated to pics of you without a shirt. Ask for suggestions in your status update on the best remedy for jock itch. Post random pictures of gaping wounds, pretending that they're yours - "I was grilling a steak and look what happened!" Link to pictures of celebrities in bikinis and comment on what you would like to do to them. Post status updates bragging about your most recent belch, fart or bowel movement.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/23/2011 09:28 AM

Somehow I've managed to not acquire too many nutjob religious Facebook friends. I have a rule that I don't friend anyone from my mom's generation. One of her friends tried and I quickly rejected it.

I have enough Christian friends to know better than to post anything too offensive, though I do occasionally speak my mind about certain aspects of religion and whatnot, but I think that's ok.

What I hate are the overly-political posts from both my left-wing and right-wing friends. "Anyone who disagrees with Obama is a racist" vs. "Obama/Osama, JUST SAYIN'!!!!" I wish they would all get into a steel cage and fight to the death. Then I can put a bullet in the head of the last man standing.

But at least they're not posting overly-long descriptions of their dreams on a comedy message board. I'd just as soon be stuck in a room with a fundie offering me proof that dinosaur bones were put there by Jesus.

Pram 80,728 42
06/23/2011 09:36 AM

Jesus was the product of incest.

KChikita is an Aborigineea 128,451 98
06/23/2011 09:39 AM

I wondered what that yarmulke thing was about when I woke up and checked Facebook on my phone this morning. I had to read it twice to make sure I got it right and it still made no sense.

Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
06/23/2011 09:39 AM

I am facebook friends with my Mormon relatives on facebook. It started innocently enough friending my Mormon cousin. I forgot about her 7 siblings. And her 5 kids. And her siblings kids. Now 60% of my facebook friends are Mormons.

This is how the world will end!

Jeeni-bo-beenie 47,815 51
06/23/2011 10:01 AM

I don't know which is worse, the overly religious, or the overly suspicious.

I have a friend who posts an enormous amount of conspiracy theories. Did you know that fluoride is in the drinking supply to control the masses and make us consumer-sheep and our cellphone data can be instantly downloaded by police to repressively control our lives and chem trails are poisoning our air with small bits of aluminum & causing cancer?

It's a master-plan, I tell you.

Macho Man Ravos Savage 63,472 21
06/23/2011 10:13 AM

I have one or 2 of the same Jeeni. Its actually hilarious. I know the guy from work, and saw him at a friend's party. He was telling people on the bus on his way home about it. They asked him "So, what conspiracy theories do you believe" and he said "All of them"

He believe the earth is hollow, and that our theory of gravity is wrong, and the center of gravity is in the earth's crust, not the earth's core. He also believes that there is a hole in the north pole that leads into the center of the earth and you can just walk on in. And that there is a society that lives in there, and have created their own artificial sun down there.

He also thinks that World War 2 as a whole was a conspiracy by the Jews to take over Israel and gain more control of the world through getting sympathy from other nations.

turtle - king of boot knocking 42,578 26
06/23/2011 10:21 AM

He also thinks that World War 2 as a whole was a conspiracy by the Jews to take over Israel Hollywood and gain more control of the world through getting sympathy from other nations movies.


Fixed.

Pram 80,728 42
06/23/2011 10:37 AM

Joesph invented the rimjob as alternate payment for services, er, cervixes, rendered (female clients only).

Millie 116,989 28
06/23/2011 01:32 PM

I have some super religious ones, mostly people I went to high school with (who were slutty and drug users then). One always writes in all caps about how "BLESSED" everything is.

I have only unfriended one guy, some guy I went to high school with who was always posting stupid anti-Obama Shakespeare, like calling him Comrade Obama. You know, I know there are those who have legitimate reasons not to like him--for instance, the super rich and greedy--but I don't need to read stupid Shakespeare that has no basis in reality.

Another guy unfriended me and everyone (or he just quit Facebook) when he went to prison for pandering. He worked with my sister. It was kind of funny.

All my Facebook friends are people I really know--either in person or online, and I do have a lot of relatives. If they don't like my religious belief (which I have posted as athiest) or my left-wing Shakespeare, that's their problem.

Although, mainly, I post pictures and videos of my baby now. Who could object to that?

Millie 116,989 28
06/23/2011 01:35 PM

I mean, come on!

Shellebelle 77,143 25
06/23/2011 01:49 PM

One time I posted on a comedy website that it was a comedy website and I got unfriended. You might try that.

That actually does work, but the person has to be either crazy, hormonal, and/or on drugs.

Since they're religious zealots, they are at least the first of those.

turtle - king of boot knocking 42,578 26
06/23/2011 01:52 PM

Sometimes after a Zug gathering I feel like the geek (Anthony Michael Hall character) in the Breakfast Club when he asks Claire what happens on Monday in school. She basically tells him he will still be ignored.

Chix 286,647 61
06/23/2011 01:57 PM

Little Elphaba is coming along nicely. When is the green skin supposed to kick in?

BenjaminPlata-Garcia 51 5
06/23/2011 02:02 PM

God is angry.

Marmite's Belly Button Fluff 12,955 12
06/23/2011 02:12 PM

See I never worry about that Shakespeare because I've got my tinfoil hat on.

I find it makes the voices go away.

la la la I've got my tinfoil hat on la la la la!

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/23/2011 02:18 PM

Sometimes after a Zug gathering I feel like the geek (Anthony Michael Hall character) in the Breakfast Club when he asks Claire what happens on Monday in school. She basically tells him he will still be ignored.

That reminds me, I'm sorry I didn't talk to you when you showed up at my heavy metal vomit party, but, well, you know. I was with my friends.

Jeeni-bo-beenie 47,815 51
06/23/2011 02:22 PM

Damn you, Marmite. The tin-foil hat doesn't protect from earworms! I'll be singing that all damned day.

Pole Walking Panda 181,795 70
06/23/2011 02:52 PM

Sometimes after a Zug gathering I feel like the geek (Anthony Michael Hall character) in the Breakfast Club when he asks Claire what happens on Monday in school. She basically tells him he will still be ignored.

But you know he got sick head from Ally Sheedy so you pretty much just have to figure out who here is the one who dumps her purse out on the couch and invites everyone into their problems and decide if you feel better or worse.

turtle - king of boot knocking 42,578 26
06/23/2011 02:54 PM

But you know he got sick head from Ally Sheedy so you pretty much just have to figure out who here is the one who dumps her purse out on the couch and invites everyone into their problems and decide if you feel better or worse.


True, but I'm not going anywhere near Pram or his "purse"

Pole Walking Panda 181,795 70
06/23/2011 02:55 PM

Why does Pram have tampons in his purse.

Is it from all the butthurting?

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/23/2011 03:02 PM

But you know he got sick head from Ally Sheedy

Nope. Sheedy scored with the jock, after he decided she was worthy once she put some lipstick on. The princess went with the burnout, leaving Hall's character the only one to have to go home and masturbate.

In conclusion: I'm pretty sure every single male on Zug identifies with the Hall character.

Pole Walking Panda 181,795 70
06/23/2011 03:05 PM

Well your "facts" really made it harder for me to make my joke so Frost you.

Did I just get schooled by a 40 year old man about a Molly Ringwald film?

I'm going to go kill myself now.

turtle - king of boot knocking 42,578 26
06/23/2011 03:08 PM

At least it was by a girly man

I think it was just because he related to the Hall character more than all the rest and it was then that he realized the geeks will never get laid (unless they create a woman in a different movie) but someday the jocks will work for them and the burnouts will pump gas for them.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/23/2011 03:09 PM

41. And yes.

But to be fair, we watched that movie in psychology class in high school, and had long discussions about it, including drawing venn diagrams about who gave head to whom.

Pole Walking Panda 181,795 70
06/23/2011 03:16 PM

*ahem*

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/23/2011 03:24 PM

Wow. A member of an internet forum used an XKCD comic to make a point. That's a first.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/23/2011 03:25 PM

Unless you were just hinting that you want me to come to bed, which is probably the case.

Come to Nutbutter.

Pole Walking Panda 181,795 70
06/23/2011 03:53 PM

The rest: here

Thud 68,525 19
06/23/2011 06:32 PM

Wait, Nutbutter is only 41? I figured he was a few years older than me, not younger.



Sorry, dude.

Will the Squirrel 53,270 54
06/23/2011 08:41 PM

I'm drunk most of the time I look at facebook so I say whatever is on my mind. Yeah, my mom and people from Zug are the only ones left.



Duh. Winning!

Drewcifer The Braindead 46,366 58
06/23/2011 08:44 PM

I've been trying to thin the herd over on the Facebooks recently. I'm being a passive/agressive puss about it too. I just posted this video (NSFW) in the hopes that a couple more knuckledraggers will drop me.

Shellebelle 77,143 25
06/23/2011 11:24 PM

Unfortunately, nobody on my friend list is safe. I even deleted my own husband. If only I could delete him from our bed when he snores.

Whistler 186,138 44
06/24/2011 01:46 AM

I find that a little gentle ribbing usually makes my Christian friends stop posting their proselytizing messages where I might see them. Here's a good one:

Q: Why did the Christian preacher cross the road?
A: There was a boy over there whose ass he hadn't raped yet.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
06/24/2011 09:39 AM

But at least they're not posting overly-long descriptions of their dreams on a comedy message board. I'd just as soon be stuck in a room with a fundie offering me proof that dinosaur bones were put there by Jesus.

Let me think on it Nutters, and tonight I'll try to give you both when I fall asleep. Do you prefer Brontosaurus or T-rex remains? I'd add in raptors, but you're no Frat. At some point, you gotta put limits on crazy.