Macho Man Ravos Savage 63,472 21
06/23/2011 10:15 AM

Bulemia: Twice the flavour, no calories!

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
06/23/2011 10:24 AM

Delicious bulemia.

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
06/23/2011 10:31 AM

Also, Ravos, I hate you so hard I came.

Pram 80,728 42
06/23/2011 10:51 AM

I'm not fat, I just eat a lot and don't excercise.

Pram 80,728 42
06/23/2011 10:53 AM

The only love handles you need to lose are the ones hanging from your pelvis.

I'm kidding, of course. Have a great day!

Macho Man Ravos Savage 63,472 21
06/23/2011 11:10 AM

If you amputate a limb I'm sure you can drop some weight.

Macho Man Ravos Savage 63,472 21
06/23/2011 11:17 AM

Added bonus, if you lose your hand, it'll make it that much harder to post keep eating sandwich after sandwich.

Pram 80,728 42
06/23/2011 11:27 AM

Another great way to drop weight quickly besides excercising is getting in one of those silly accidents on 1,000 Ways To Die.

Macho Man Ravos Savage 63,472 21
06/23/2011 11:35 AM

I'm not fat, I'm big boned!

Shellebelle 77,143 25
06/23/2011 01:02 PM

Have a hysterectomy. I highly recommend it.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,048 22
06/23/2011 01:04 PM

Random person: "When is your baby due?"

BobJohnson's Wife: "Not until October."

Random person: "Oh... is it twins?"

That has happened a couple of times now, which — unless my wife is reading this — I think is hilarious.

Disco Bob 4,322 8
06/23/2011 01:15 PM

Try this little exercise

Macho Man Ravos Savage 63,472 21
06/23/2011 01:20 PM

Random person: "When is your baby due?"

BobJohnson's Wife: "Not until Flargtember."

Random person: "Oh... is it twins?"

BobJohnson's Wife: "No, it's a mini-BobJohnson"

Schizophrenic 337 8
06/23/2011 06:23 PM

Problem solved.

Whistler 186,138 44
06/23/2011 08:51 PM

I'm going to post my new standard Lobster thread entry:

Water is wet.

Shellebelle 77,143 25
06/23/2011 11:32 PM

Random person: "When is your baby due?"

She should start telling people "I'm not pregnant!", give them a dirty look, then enjoy the embarrassed looks on their faces as they try to pull their ass out of the fire. I always wanted to do that when I was pregnant.

Jeeni-bo-beenie 47,815 51
06/24/2011 10:39 AM

Unfortunately, I've been there before.

While picking out fruit in the grocery store, I was asked if I was excited to be having a baby. When I told him I was not pregnant, just fat, the guy's face got red and he immediately apologized. He said I had a certain "glow" about me. Maybe because he knew I was about to give him a shiner.

turtle - foe of the Foot 42,578 26
06/24/2011 11:42 AM

When my wife was pregnant I wanted to get her an abstinance shirt that said, "I gave my word to not go past third" but she never had that ready-to-pop look for either kid.

Crazytalk McLookatme 5,200 15
06/24/2011 01:03 PM

It wasn't an immaculate conception. It was the third batch of cheesecurds.

KatDawg 10,055 11
06/24/2011 01:26 PM

Quit posting pictures of the Palin kids.

turtle - foe of the Foot 42,578 26
06/24/2011 01:49 PM

That kid doesn't have Downs, she(he?) is just really fat and that is what gives him her it the orangutan look.

Redwing 3,887 30
06/25/2011 01:36 AM

Mufftaur is dead?

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
06/26/2011 11:08 AM

Fat Daughter jokes: Deader than dead babies.

Whistler 186,138 44
06/26/2011 02:56 PM

Lobster's opinion: slightly less valued than Johnny Keilbasa's.




Also, please note: the opinions of fat daughters on the subject of fat daughter are too metacognitive for ZuGLive.

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
06/27/2011 10:20 AM

You know you wanna do me.

Pants 14,252 17
07/06/2011 07:26 AM

You know you wanna do me.

Only with a tire iron.

Cruz. Limited Est. 1985 9,993 12
07/06/2011 07:34 AM

Lobster's opinion: slightly less valued than Johnny Keilbasa's.

God, I miss Johnny Kielbasa, like Lobster he made everyone else seem less repellent by comparison.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
07/07/2011 08:50 AM

1. Your school gives you a FREE gym membership? YOU ROTTEN SKANK. My school charges like $30 per month, and the fitness center sucks.
2. Do what I did. Struggle with your weight for years on a 1,300 calorie-a-day diet and work out five days a week, then get diagnosed with a weird medical condition, be put on medication, and lose 43 pounds with comparatively little effort. Okay, that might be kind of hard.
3. I was at Target buying a bunch of baby stuff for a baby shower I was going to, and some store manager said, "Good afternoon, miss! Did you find everything you need for yooour baby?" As soon as he saw my devastated expression, he hurriedly said, "I only asked because you were buying baby stuff! You don't look pregnant! I was confused!"

Cruz. Limited Est. 1985 9,993 12
07/07/2011 08:56 AM

"I only asked because you were buying baby stuff! You don't look pregnant! I was confused!"

In that case next time send Declan to buy your stuff for you, that'll really confuse her.

"Honestly, sir, I didn't think you were pregnant I just assumed because you like penis so much ..."

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
07/07/2011 09:17 PM

Yeah, I'm not fat. I'm pregnant. I'm having an elephant. Do you want to see the trunk?

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
07/08/2011 09:51 PM

Bill, your drunk is showing.