The Cat Extracting Pucker Factor
A comedy article
by Fratberry  283,052  53
06/27/2011 09:29 AM 301 views
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The bookstore here at the University has moved into a new building. There are a few cats that the staff always took care of and they were in need of being relocated. Two of the cats were spayed females and one was a male in need of a serious de-nutting.
If you're only reading this to find out what happened to the cats, first off, you're an idiot. Secondly, we trapped the male and one of the females. Move along, now, nothing to see here.
The old bookstore is on a pretty crappy street. Tiny houses that were built back in the 50's and apparently have not once been remodeled. Or cleaned. The yards/driveways are very small. A combination of college students, Latinos and other ne'er-do-wells inhabit these abodes. I've seen yurts that were nicer than these places. Cardboard boxes are safer.
So here we were in the middle of the night. We had checked the traps at the old bookstore several times during the day and evening. We also noticed a car pulling up to one of the houses and when the two female cats saw the car they ran off after it. So we knew that someone else was taking care of them and that they may have simply adopted them. As it turned out, these two students are moving out of that house at the end of the semester but they are the only people who feed and look after these cats. They were thrilled that we had a plan to relocate them to a farm up in northwest Georgia.
Oh yeah, middle of the night... Mrs. Fratberry and I were prepared as usual and had our headlights on. Yes, our nipples were hard as luck would have it but that's not what I'm referring to. They are those things that you wear on your head that have a light on them. Also, gloves, a net, two traps, two carriers, three kinds of cat food, a halogen lantern and barely a lick of sense between the two of us.
Did I mention that this was in the middle of the night? Did I mention the Shakespearety neighborhood? I did, didn't I? I bet I did.
I am in the process of trying to steer one of the cats back across the street to the house where the two students lived. Which means that I was in the yard of the people who live across the street. Wearing my headlight and carrying the net. Which also means I was trespassing. And I have this sudden realization that I could probably get shot.
Right about the same time someone way down at the other end of the street shoots off a giant, LOUD firecracker. Kinda like those M-80's. THAT sound.
I am Fratberry. I'm lurkin' in ur yard stealing ur stray cats. And puckering like there's no tomorrow.
Seriously, though, who the Frost trespasses into strange yards trying to catch stray cats in the middle of the night?? shoots off ONE firecracker in the middle of the night???
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
11 votes
4.3
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Funny
4 votes
3.2
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Straw - Clickie Strumpet 98,023  37
06/27/2011 09:57 AM
They wouldn't start shooting right away at a couple of white headlight-adorned cat wranglers. They'd wait until they start to get bored and then use the guns to mix things up a little.
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Funny
7 votes
3.4
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Fratberry 283,052 53
06/27/2011 04:00 PM
Mrs. Fratberry couldn't see me when she heard the firecracker because I was behind a large tree. When I came out from behind she started scolding me for trespassing, which made more noise than me being in the yard. Great. Didn't bring any additional attention to me at all. That, and the fact that her headlight was pointed right at me. Stealthy, that woman.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
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Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
06/27/2011 06:50 PM
Chickens and Straw got it almost right.
Blackcats.
Cat burglars.
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Funny
5 votes
3.2
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MichaelJackson 80,728 42
06/27/2011 10:17 PM
Seriously, though, who the Frost trespasses into strange yards trying to catch stray cats
I must be tired, because I thought you said "who the Frost trapeezes into strange yards"...thought you had joined a circus.
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.2
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MichaelJackson 80,728 42 Say "with all your cats", Pram.
06/28/2011 12:06 AM
...with all your parrots!
Ah, Shakespeare.
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Hilarious
12 votes
4.4
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Fratberry 283,052 53
06/28/2011 08:23 AM
We trapped the other sister yesterday afternoon so she'll be reunited today with the one that's already up at the farm. The two kids who live in the house that helped us with the trapping called us "an answer to their prayers." That's always made me feel uncomfortable. Geez, if I'm the answer to your prayers you need to aim a little higher.
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Funny
5 votes
3.6
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Whistler 186,138 44
06/28/2011 09:49 AM
I know a lot of weird people, Frat, A LOT of weird people. And you're still in the top 10.
Seriously, though, I admire your dedication to this cause. I hope your reward in
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.0
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Whistler 186,138 44
06/28/2011 09:50 AM
heaven is a bed free from slimy hairballs.
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Funny
7 votes
3.4
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Whistler 186,138 44
06/28/2011 09:50 AM
What the Frost just happened to my post?
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Funny
6 votes
3.7
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SIV9939 13,642 16
06/28/2011 04:44 PM
You know there is a lot easier ways to get animals to the "nice farm with lots of room to run around and play."
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