Can the Harry Potter Series Stop a Bullet? A video
by Brad Poynter 36,184 48 08/05/2011 12:41 AM 2648 views
"The Beater knocked a bludger toward the Seeker who was after the snitch, but their Nimbus 2000 was too fast, so it ended up hitting a Muggle." If you read that and thought "Gee, Brad has really lost his mind this time!" then you are correct. If, however, you want to scoff at me because Muggles would never be allowed near a Quidditch match, then you too have been ensnared by the wizardly world of Harry Potter.
In the past, I have tested the bullet resistance of many religious texts, such as the Bible and the Twilight saga, but never one as long or as infused with powerful magic as the Harry Potter series. So far, not even the cumulative religious texts of the world have been able to stop every caliber of bullet, but perhaps the mystical power contained in the thousands of pages of Harry Potter would be enough.
Either way, it was time to discover the answer to the question: Can the Harry Potter series stop a bullet?
Maybe the bullet will trip up on one of the names
The Planning
I searched the deep crevasses of the internet until I found a brand new boxed set of the complete Harry Potter series for only fifty dollars, or approximately six galleons and four sickles in Wizarding currency. Purchasing new copies meant that I would not have to worry about any spells previously cast on them, or any of the various nerdy excretions usually found on the used versions.
No magic portals to Hogwarts opened when I placed them in the shape of a lightning bolt
I also needed firearms, because I can't throw bullets hard enough with my hands. I decided to use my trusty AK-47 clone as well as my .22-410 over and under, but that just wasn't enough. I wanted large caliber destruction, so I called up a trio of my gun enthusiast friends and they provided me with a wide variety of lead-slinging devices.
Reading like the seized assets from an ATF raid were the following:
.357 Magnum revolver
.40 cal pistol
.45 cal pistol
.223 cal AR-15 rifle
7.62x39 cal AK clone (you can never have too many)
.303 British bolt action rifle
7mm STW bolt action rifle
12-gauge pump action shotgun shooting 3 inch magnum slugs
Having rounded up all the necessary scientific equipment, I took everything down to my variable-climate open-air laboratory in the woods.
The Experiment
First up was the .22, which went through the first two books, and clung to the third like a fan hoping that Harry and Hermione would someday hook up and have lots of wiz kids.
A prisoner in the cover of The Prisoner of Azkaban
I would have been even more impressed if this had came out as gold
The .223 from the AR-15 must have been an avid fan, because it zipped through the books and started trying to make fan fiction out of the wood pulp behind them.
Good thing that unicorn jumped
I hope that wasn't your wanding arm
On the other hand, the 7.62.x39 disliked the books so much that it wouldn't continue past the sixth.
Pow! Right in the kisser!
It made it through, but only by skimming
The .303 British round felt right at home as it dwelt briefly between the pages of the story set in its native land. However, it was put off that no one offered it a spot of tea, so it exited through the rear with enough force to push the books through the box.
I'm sure you can heal that
The 7mm STW round was the highest-velocity round, with a muzzle velocity somewhere around 3,500 feet per second. It hit the books with a force equivalent to dropping Hagrid on them from the International Space Station, but actually went through instead of just flattening them.
Harry seems concerned by the growing hole in the cover
The last single projectile in the experiment was the 12-gauge 3 inch magnum with a 1 ounce lead slug. It left a perfect hole in the first book, tore its way through next five, and then explosively came to rest in a piece of wood behind the seventh book. Its passage left the books looking as if someone had cast Bombarda on them.
A hole in the plotline
I guess you can add "Blown away!" to the review quotes
Then it was time to try the pistols, and I won't tell you how hard it was to shoot a .357 magnum revolver, a .45 cal and a .40 cal all at the same time, because I didn't. I had a little help. Amazingly enough, after the hail of bulletShakespeare the books, I found one of the .45 bullets sitting perfectly intact in the pile of shredded paper on the microwave, as if by magic. Score one for wizardry.
I don't know whether to be disappointed in the bullet or proud of the books
After we stopped giggling, we picked up the two AK's and the AR-15 and unloaded a total of 90 rounds into the books and their general vicinity. All in the name of science, of course.
Once again, the first book survived by jumping out of the way before things got too bad
The other books took up its slack
And then some
The results of the assault rifle firing squad were about what you would expect from your average Reductor Curse. I personally liken it to that time the raccoons got into my dad's Hustler stash.
With less cursing
Conclusions
I was surprised at the relative ease with which the entire Harry Potter series was blown to bits. It may have been the lack of hard covers, or the small arsenal of weapons we used, but only two bullets out of 120 were stopped. I can only conclude that while tougher than politicians, vampires and religion still have Harry beat.
The ultimate lesson: no matter how badly we want magic to win, science always kicks its butt.
Love it, Brad! You're write-up cracked me up - especially because I enjoyed the Harry Potter series. Nice way to intertwine nerdy Harry Potter talk with not-so-nerdy gun talk.
By the way - through the use of magic* I foresaw you were going to write this four days ago!
* Your moving portrait was delivered by a number mimick. (Specifically, a number equivalent to ten raised to the power of a hundred.)
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