The Pizza Limo Prank
A comedy article
by John Hargrave  128,751  73
08/18/2011 11:21 PM 5942 views
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My friend Rob Coleridgeerham, who runs the brilliant C0ckeyed.com, is a prankster (see his awesome collection of pranks here). And yet, it recently occurred to me that while the two of us have pranked half of Planet Earth between us, we have never pranked each other.
What would that be like? I pictured two gods turning their powers upon each other in a terrifying (but wildly hilarious) display of immortal fury. Volcanos of molten cheese, whoopee cushions that could dislodge continents, that sort of thing. It sounded fun.
Since Rob lives in Sacramento and I live in Boston, I spent some time thinking about how I could prank him long distance. I wanted a classic prank, but with a twist. Sending him a bunch of pizzas and making him pay for them was the obvious choice, but that's been done before.
No, instead of sending the pizzas to Rob's house, I would send a limo to Rob's house, which would drive him to the pizzas. He would have to pay for the pizzas and the limo, and when he got home, he would open his pizzas to find the words "JOHN RULES" spelled out in pepperoni.
At least, that was the plan.
Rob does not like to spend money, as you can tell from this photo.
Hiring the limo was the easy part. But finding someone willing to spell words on pizza was surprisingly difficult.
"The cook says he can't do that," said the guy on the phone at one Sacramento pizza place. "Too difficult."
I paused, not knowing how to respond. My five-year-old could spell words out of pepperoni, and sometimes does, in the bathtub. "Is the cook illiterate?" I asked.
"No, he just can't do it."
"Why not? Does he need a special permit?"
"Thank you," he said politely, before rudely hanging up.
After several more fails, I finally called OneSpeed Pizza, who agreed to do it. "But I can't guarantee the letters will hold their shape after cooking," warned Eric, the guy taking my order.
"That's fine," I said. "Just make sure it gets to my friend Rob when he comes to pick it up. ROB is his name. R-O-B."
Size of limo may be slightly exaggerated.
Fortunately, Rob was home when the limo arrived to pick him up. The driver told him that John had organized the ride, and even though he could have meant famed mobster John Gotti, Rob trustingly got in the limo, unaware of where it would take him next.
The limo wound through the terrifying inner city streets of Sacramento, where even stray cats have a meth problem. I had ordered the driver not to tell Rob where they were going, so Rob grew more and more nervous as they passed alcoholic babies and heavily armed grandmothers. Finally, the limo stopped in front of OneSpeed.
It's that kind of pizza place.
Rob went inside and approached the counter. "My name is Rob," he said. "Are you expecting me?"
"No," replied Eric.
"Are you sure?" asked Rob, puzzled.
"Never heard of a Rob."
Argh! My plan, so cunning and brilliant, was backfiring! Maybe the first pizza guy was right: it WAS too difficult!
Rob sat down and ordered another pizza, this one without a message! He kept nervously glancing out the window, expecting the driver to peel out and yell, "See ya, sucker!"
Finally, the pizza was ready. Rob paid for it, then got back in the limo. The driver took Rob back home, they settled up, and the prank was over.
Or was it?!
After I heard what happened, I called in another pizza order a few nights later, this one to Pizza Guys. This time I demanded to speak directly with the manager, who promised to personally oversee the pepperoni placement. And boy did they deliver:
Rob and his wife Stacy enjoy a dinner of prank
Oh, yes. Yes, he does.
It may not have been a volcano of molten cheese, but we're working our way up to that. And for what it's worth, I did order the extra cheese. I'm sure Rob was happy to pick up the tab.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
15 votes
4.3
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
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CHIX ARE TWO THINS INVOLVE 286,647  61
08/18/2011 11:40 PM
No way, daddy-o
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Funny
5 votes
3.6
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Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
08/18/2011 11:41 PM
Okay, I've gotta say it: they don't sell pizza at the Super Bowl?
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Funny
6 votes
3.8
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Jeeni 47,815 51
08/19/2011 01:01 AM
Did you really make them pay for it? If so, why are they smiling so much? Nice prank John, but I have one more nagging question: Why does his wife has to wear a name tag?
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Funny
4 votes
3.8
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KChiki with cold water on top 128,451 98
08/19/2011 09:01 AM
She's probably just ONE of the wives. The nametag is so he can be polite and keep track and not call them all by each other's names.
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Funny
4 votes
3.0
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Nemephosis 209 5
08/19/2011 09:04 PM
You should have named the pizza place with the retarded illiterate chef who can't spell words with pepperoni, so everyone can avoid them and/or shame them. Social networking is a real bitch these days.
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Dark Helmet 47,815 51
08/19/2011 09:35 PM
Naw, he got the upside, I got the downside.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.0
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Dasypygal 14,811 17
08/19/2011 10:09 PM
Strange kids lurking in hallways always skeeve me out.
Hopefully it belongs to them, otherwise they've got a pretty creepy ghost problem and it wants to go swimming.
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Funny
4 votes
3.2
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SIV Attacks the Darknss! 13,642 16
08/20/2011 01:16 PM
I really hope this is the start of a East Coast/ West Coast Prankers war.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
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CrackedBag 198 6
08/27/2011 01:19 PM
I hope this prank war spirals out of control, because I wouldn't mind seeing more pictures of Rob's wife.
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