Plans for the Weekend - Aug 19-21 2011 Edition A comedy conversation
by Mega-KChiki vs Crocosaurus 128,451 98 08/19/2011 10:06 AM 187 views
I am going to be headed out into the woods to go camping and river-floating/spring swimming with a bunch of metal-heads. There will be alcohol, loud music, floats, debauchery, bugs, snakes, crocosaurus alligators and pooping in the woods. I'm not entirely sure I'm not participating in a B-rated horror movie. Just to be sure, I will not be wandering off alone.
I also will likely have little to no cell phone reception and limited access to the interwebs. ::starts to panic now::
My youngest daughter's birthfamily is coming to our house for a visit. Well, her next-youngest sibling, anyway. She hasn't seen her little sister in 6 or 7 years. It should be quite an event.
Not just because of the reunion, but also because the little sister was adopted by two moms. My parents are crazy conservatives. I fear for them being in the same room with openly gay people - they haven't learn to put up a filter between their brains and their mouths. I may have to ditch some corpses later.*
*Kchiki - Do you think the B-movie will be more of a slasher flick, or a water terror sort of thing? I ask for no reason.
You know, I'm having a hard time deciding if it's going to be slasher film or water terror.
On one hand, because of the springs, the water is really clear, even in the river.
On the other hand, that means you can see all the way down into the gaping maw of the springs, which is spooky as hell. There could be anything living in those caves.
Regardless, if I manage to make it out of the water in order to flee through the woods, it'll totally turn slasher film anyway.
Undies, you should make some bingo cards. Try to think of all possible phrases that may come out of your parents mouth, and arrange them on the cards. Pass them out to everyone, and whenever your parents actually utter one of the phrases, someone can X it out on their card. The first person to get bingo wins.
Straw, that sounds awesome. However, I don't think I could fit all the possible phrases onto a regulation-sized card. Once my parents get going, they don't pause for breath between statements. Things like "God destroyed New Orleans with a hurricane because of the gays"* and "Obama is a Muslim and he has destroyed this country and now New York lets people like you get married, it's his fault the gays are taking over."*
Tonight and tomorrow, my wife and I will be attending an extreme weight loss program called "prenatal classes." The due date is less than 2 months away, so it's about time for me to start listening for subtle clues of labor like "DRIVE ME TO THE HOSPITAL" screamed in my ear. I hope they also give me tips for taking advantage of the rare opportunity to run red lights right in front of police officers and get away it. Should I use my four-way flashers?
On Sunday, I'll be running a half-marathon. I figure I'll do it in 2:15, which will put me in the bottom third, but should be ahead of at least one skinny guy who will cry when he realizes he lost to me. There's a brunch afterwards, so I'm going to load up 2 or 3 plates of food and then sit next to the crying skinny guy to eat.
My husband thinks that I am going to help him install tile in the basement. I have no clue where he got that idea. I mean, I did tell him that I would help, but you'd think he would know better by now.
I'll be enjoying the fact that I finally am done with school, which means I can sleep in, surf the Internets, watch TV, read... basically be a lazy non-productive member of society. I'll also be planning my graduation/35th Birthday bash.
Which, by the way, is after my commencement ceremony on September 11th, 2011. Ten years to the date. Could we have picked a more awful day to have a celebration?!
(Anyone who feels like making a trek to Comeblowus, OH is welcome to the party! There will be alcohol and food! )
I'll be enjoying the fact that I finally am done with school, which means I can sleep in, surf the Internets, watch TV, read... basically be a lazy non-productive member of society
I'll be doing a lot of the same in two weeks when I am done with summer and turn the kids over to the public school system.
I wish I could come down for your graduation party since I am so close by, but I am walking for lupus that weekend.
Tonight, I'll have to cut my drinking in half as I have to go into the Bronx at midnight to set up for a 2:00 a.m. network upgrade.
Saturday in the Bronx on a hot August night and we are causing downtime to the switch stack that supports the Emergency Dept. I don't care who you are, that's funny in a hospital.
This is the first weekend I've had off in over a month so I was planning to sleep a lot and watching movies. However, my 10 month old woke me up at 5 am this morning crying. While she was still crying I heard thunder outside. This is important because the driver's side window had jumped off the track and was down.
I threw on some clothes and went outside. "I need keys" I thought, so I went back inside and grabbed the wife's keys. I get out the my car and it starts to rain. "Why did I need keys, the window is down and the button only makes a bad grinding sound." I popped off the seal, pushed the window up, like I've done before, and throw the seal back on. As I was walking back to the house I hear the window slide down and shatter.
Now, in a barbaric rage, I go out back and grab the baseball bat with the plan of hitting it against things until my hands hurt. On the first swing the bat breaks. Everything else is kind of a blur of anger and swearing, but I think I used the bigger peace of the bat on the garage.
Let's see, today I went school clothes shopping for my almost 4 year old. Spent way too much money in the Polo store, and then more in Tommy Hilfiger. Looking for an overpriced dinosaur backback I ran into my new manager and his partner walking their dogs. Awkward introductions ensued and we moved on. The above mentioned 3.9 year old decides to have a total meltdown leaving a store forcing us to leave before we wanted to. Next I got home and dug a hole to make a kick ass sandbox. Then moved about 325 pounds of sand into said hole. After the kids went to sleep I started working on a work project I need to get done. I don't need sleep.
Next I got home and dug a hole to make a kick ass sandbox. Then moved about 325 pounds of sand into said hole
Wow, your kids are lucky. Just be sure to keep it covered or the neighborhood cats will start using it as a litter box. I learned this lesson the hard way.
I'm not the one whose vagina melts into glass every time someone insults the state I live in. Or economics. Or ice.
That's true. You are a much, much bigger woman than I am. Much bigger.
This is the last time I am going to respond to your juvenile insults. Yes, I act like an idiot sometimes. So what. Get over it. Most everyone else has. Please just leave me alone.
I know that you have all been waiting with bated breath on the outcome of my network upgrade. We finished pretty much on schedule and I got home at six ay em.
However, once again it became clear that at four in the morning, while my body may be awake, the part of my brain that stops me from being a dick goes to sleep. At one point I was shouting into the phone that if one guy didn't stop asking me when the work would be done, I was going to reach through the phone and rip his face off.
My daughter decided to cut her own hair! I don't know why she thought she'd suddenly gained this skill, but the state of the mess that greeted me this morning was quite crazy. She now has bangs that she'll have to straighten every day since her hair is naturally curly. She's lucky that it wasn't completely ruined though - at one point I was shouting that I was just going to have them shave it off. I posted the pic on Facebook, but I'm too lazy to put it here.
I'm glad it was fixable - my oldest daughter had it worse. When she turned 13 she decided to trim her own eyebrows. They were missing for 2 years.
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