The Check Cashing Prank A comedy article
by Johnny Plankton 4,102 27 08/30/2011 12:32 AM 5739 views
I was on the YouTube the other day, looking for my new favorite thing (banjo-playing cats), when I came across this commercial from Citizens Bank:
It got me to wondering: if Citizens is truly "Not Your Typical Bank," would they cash one of those giant sweepstakes checks just to prove how atypical they are?
I decided to find out.
Full disclosure: I have no love for Citizens Bank. I once tried to cash a check there, where the teller wearing a nametag of DFGHSFTKJGUJIYIFGJFHI:IOYOFYEGAET informed me that he could not cash the check because the name on the check read "Mike," and my driver's license read "Michael."
"In my country, the United States of America, where we currently are," I explained slowly, "Mike is another way of writing Michael."
On another occasion, I attempted to cash a $40 check, and the young woman (Svetlana, I believe) held out an ink pad, and instructed me to put my thumb in it.
"You must be new," I whispered. "You only need to be fingerprinted if you rob the bank. I'm just cashing a check."
"No, is policy," she said in an accent far less sexy than any of James Bond's Russian babes. "But if you open an account here, is no thumbprint."
"I'd rather put my testicles in a fishtank full of starved piranha," I articulated. "But thank you for asking."
So, would my least-favorite bank cash a legitimate check that had been blown up to a size even larger than Ed McMahon's liver?
EXPERIMENT #1: BANK INSIDE GROCERY STORE
Yes, this Citizens Bank branch was located inside a grocery store, I guess in case the tellers get hungry. I entered, dressed in a grey suit, and approached the teller, while our cameraman hid behind a bunker of dogfood. "I'd like to cash a check," I said, pulling out my five-by-two-foot monstrosity.
He stared at me, unsure how to respond.
"Can I get a big pen, please?" I asked.
"I don't know, sir," he said, making a head gesture to the bank manager, who promptly came over.
"Can I help you?" asked the manager.
"Good morning, sir. I would like to cash this sweepstakes check," I beamed.
"Where did you win the sweepstakes from?" he asked, no doubt noticing the check was only for $75.00.
"Well, it was a pretty crappy sweepstakes," I said, making it up. "It was from Jake's Auto Parts." Awkward silence. "Actually, it was for second place."
The manager began laughing, but shaking his head, as if to say, no f-ing way am I cashing this.
"It's a legitimate check," I reasoned, "and it's from Citizens Bank."
"There's no way I can cash this."
"Why not? You take custom checks, don't you?"
No answer.
"If I had a check with a kitten playing with a ball of yarn on it, you'd caShakespeare, wouldn't you?"
"Yes," he explained. "But this is not a legitimate check." He began to speak more slowly, as if he were explaining the rules of a game to a Special Olympian. "This is a photocopy of a check," he said in retard-speak. "These are done for media events when corporations give prizes to people. They were supposed to send you an actual check."
"But they had a presentation and everything!"
"That's what these are for," said the manager. "You smile and wave and take a picture with one of these -- and that's all."
"DAMN YOU, JAKE'S AUTO PARTS!" I exclaimed, shaking my fist in the air. And I walked away, to my second stop, just a few feet away.
Arellis Software Congratulations. Really astounded with the caliber of the advice presented. I sincerely hope that you keep up with the brilliant work accomplished.
[u]Arellis Software[/u] Congratulations. Really astounded with the caliber of the advice presented. I sincerely hope that you keep up with the brilliant work accomplished.
Wow! My first robo-comment. And they plugged their website while they were at it!
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