Embarassing!
A comedy article
by Mr. Mike  11,439  21
09/01/2011 12:16 PM 419 views
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What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you? Have you puked during an interview? Perhaps you’ve forgotten the name of someone important. Maybe you’ve had your pants pulled down in gym? Nothing is as embarrassing as my tale of woee
So there I was in this club and she walks in. A goddess! What the hell she saw in me I don't know!! Any way one thing led to the next and she was asking me back to her place. Problem was I really needed to take a dump but asking her to wait while I went to the john didn't seem the right thing to do at the time. So.... I sucked it up and we went back to her place.
20 minutes later, we're getting off with each other in her place and I just can't hold it any more so I ask her if I can borrow her toilet for a second. She says fine but tells me that she wants to take a shower first so why don't I wait for her in the bedroom! You see my predicament! There I am with this sex kitten but I need to take a dump! Well, I couldn't stop her from taking a shower so trying not to shake too much I head into her room. I turn down the lights to make it nice and moody and sit there on the bed imagining the joys that were sure to follow. By this time however, I really need to go so. I'm dying and am trying to think of what I can do!!! Then it hits me!! The greatest idea since sliced bread! I take off a sock, pull down my jeans and boxers and proceed to do the business in the sock. Unbelievably, I don't spill a drop and by tying it up, I can use the top to wipe my ass too. After finishing up, the only problem I have to deal with is disposing with the dirty sock. I look around the room but am unable to find suitable places for the offending garment to be hidden. Then I spy the window.
Looking out I see that after a small back yard, there is a wall and beyond that a park. So I'm thinking to myself that if I make it over the wall I'm safe. No problem. I start swinging the sock around my head. Once! Twice! and then i let FLY! The sock sails over the wall and well into the park. I feel as if I've scored the winning goal in the World Cup!!
Feeling relieved and horny, I sit on the bed, take the rest of my gear off and wait for the angel to exit the shower. I hear her finish and she enters the room! She looks hot in the towel and as she lowers it to the ground and turns on the light, her face turns from one of lust to one of horror!!! and I see WHY!
Splattered on all 4 walls is Shakespeare which must have leaked out through the sock while I was spinning it round my head!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
7 votes
3.7
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Funny
8 votes
3.9
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The Harbinger of Beer, Midgets. 96,156  48
09/01/2011 01:04 PM
I call bullShakespeare.
But if I'm wrong, any woman not turned on by that isn't worth wasting your Hello Kitty Nipple Clamps on.
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Funny
7 votes
3.0
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turtle - working hard 42,578 26
09/01/2011 01:06 PM
I opened this thread, does that count as my worst moment?
At least he remembered to remove the "fwd:" before copy and pasting
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Funny
8 votes
3.9
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I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
09/01/2011 01:27 PM
Very well written. Good use of pictures, and that wall of text in the middle, made my day!
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Funny
9 votes
3.3
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No less than 100zer of Straw 98,023 37
09/01/2011 01:32 PM
This story is totally believable. Whenever a guest in my house asks to use the bathrom, I always make them wait while I take a shower.
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Funny
7 votes
3.0
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The Harbinger of Beer, Midgets. 96,156 48
09/01/2011 01:35 PM
Which explains the rainbow Shakespeare on your living room rug.
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Funny
5 votes
3.2
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Mr. Mike 11,439 21
09/01/2011 02:28 PM
Well you're a disgusting lot. You didn't ask the other chap for pictures of his mutilated pecker so why are you asking for pics of me Shakespeare-ing in a sock?
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Hilarious
11 votes
4.5
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UnderWhere? 101,398 77
09/01/2011 02:29 PM
If you pooped nicely enough to catch it all in the sock, it'd have to have been big ol' logs and not a shower of Shakespeare, or else you'd have sprayed it every which where to begin with. When swinging the sock, thick logs would not shoot all over the wall, but plop down to the ground. If they had enough momentum to hit a wall, then you'd have heard the thumps.
Also, if you wiped your ass on the top, what part did you grab to start the swinging? If you grabbed where you tied the sock off, then there's no place for the poop to come out.
Unless, of course, you had holes in the sock. You seem like the type of guy to have holes in his socks. I bet they were cheap white athletic socks from Walmart.
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Hilarious
13 votes
4.4
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UnderWhere? 101,398 77
09/01/2011 02:31 PM
My most embarrassing moment was just now, when I realized that my daughter is sitting next to me on her laptop, working hard on typing an essay about what the Declaration of Independence means to her. I am writing about Shakespeare-ing in a sock.
FML.
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Funny
5 votes
3.0
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The Harbinger of Beer, Midgets. 96,156 48
09/01/2011 02:33 PM
You didn't ask the other chap for pictures of his mutilated pecker so why are you asking for pics of me Shakespeare-ing in a sock?
Because he had the foresight to foreward them to our inboxes when he posted.
Everyone else got them, right?
Right?
RIGHT?
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Funny
3 votes
3.3
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Drewcifer CDXX 46,366 58
09/01/2011 03:20 PM
Was it corn-laden?
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.3
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Fratberry 283,052 53
09/01/2011 03:36 PM
daughter is sitting next to me on her laptop, working hard on
Thank you for that. Seriously, thanks.
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.5
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HighSoci 30,109 18
09/01/2011 06:45 PM
So did you get laid or not? At least finish the story.
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