Like any good person, I hate furries. I shun their websites, I mock their lifestyle and I punch every puppy I see to make sure it's not an elaborate costume. Why? Because furries are creepy.
But despite my hate, I don't know much about furries. To me they're just people who dress up as animals and create a lot of horrifying porn. One day, as I punched an especially suspicious puppy, I thought to myself, "Maybe furries don't deserve the hate they get. There has to be more to furries than sex, right?"
...right?
That picture is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of furries, and that's the sort of bias I wanted to put behind me. I wanted to find out if I had furries all wrong, and the only way to do that was to join them. Read on to see if I got in touch with my inner fox, or if I was driven celibate by one too many pictures of large breasted giraffes.
The Basics
The Internet made furries infamous, but furry fandom predates the web. Hell, humanity has been dressing up as animals since the dawn of civilization.
The original furries.
There's a difference between furries and people who just like stories with animals in them. Watership Down and The Lion King are beloved classics, and Cheetara from ThunderCats gave every boy who watched the show at least one erection. That's normal. But draw a picture of Cheetara naked and suddenly you're a pervert. Where do you draw the line?
According to furry historian Fred Patten, furries emerged in 1980 at a sci-fi convention, where fans of anthropomorphic characters in fiction formed a discussion group. Thank God we have furry historians to record these facts, so future generations can benefit from our wisdom.
He will go down as one of the world's greatest scholars.
From that fabled day in 1980 sprung fanzines, conventions and eventually Internet communities, where enthusiasts from around the world can debate the ideal tail bushiness. It's actually pretty amazing that such a large subculture developed in such a short time. Think about it: there are people alive today who once lived in a world where men and women didn't have sex with each other in animal costumes.
Oh, how lucky our forefathers were.
Today, there are dozens of furry conventions around the world, each attracting thousands of visitors. Thousands more frequent the many websites dedicated to furries, and scientists believe we are rapidly approaching the point where the Internet is made up entirely of furry porn.
So, what's the attraction? For many furries it's just escapism, or the chance to socialize with those who feel the same way about animals as they do. Other furries are more serious, believing that deep down they have the soul of a beautiful feline or a free-spirited wolf (one survey suggested that about a quarter of furries think they aren't 100% human). Finally, many furries see the community as an outlet for expressing their creativity.
Or for expressing their madness.
Developing my Fursona
There are two things you need to know about furries. First, they don't just dress up as a dog one day and a bear the next -- they develop a "fursona," a furry alter ego. Second, they use words like "fursona" constantly. If I wanted to join the furry community I had to create a fursona of my own, so I did that furst before I furgot.
Pictured: typical fursona, typical retarded fursona name.
A fursona as detailed as Jigsaw Forte takes time to develop--you have to determine what animal is your favorite and what that signifies, then create a character based on those traits. But I just couldn't wait to have a foxy version of myself running around the Internet, so I got my fursona the same was I got my law degree: I took an online test.
The test asked challenging and meaningful questions like "Do you like to be free?" The potential answers were even more thought provoking.
...Either?
The test concluded I was a feline, but that's vague--I could have been anything from a housecat to a sabre-toothed tiger. Wait, was this test trying to tell me I'm a catgirl?
Because I don't think I can pull off the costume.
After some introspection I decided I was just a simple housecat. I don't want much out of life, only the ability to sleep all day and throw up wherever I feel like. So, without further ado, I began to turn myself into a giant Poe. My fursona wouldn't be complete until it had a name, appearance and backstory.
I have the artistic talent of Rembrandt, if Rembrandt had lost his arms in a tragic clog accident. There are countless artists who will draw your fursona for a fee, but the good ones are expensive and the cheap ones "draw" in the sense that drunkenly throwing up on your bathroom wall is "repainting." My only option was to use an online fursona generator, which is exactly what the creators of the Internet had hoped their work would be used for.
Furry names come in a few categories, including Names that Aren't Names (Jigsaw Forte), Pretentious Names (Empathy) and "Creative" Names (Keilidh). I hedged my bets with a combination. Allow me to introduce you to my fursona, Razor Justice McLdihaiah.
Or Razor for short, because he will cut you.
Razor needed a background and personality. I think I found a nice compromise between unrealistic and too realistic, but I'll let you be the judge:
Personality: Strong and confident, Razor is the kind of cat that guy cats want to be, and lady cats want to be with. He can be forceful and assertive, but deep down he's a sensitive kitten looking for love. Razor has battled alcoholism and catnip addiction for years, but is now on the verge of overcoming his problems. His hobbies include gun collecting, punching dogs in the face and knitting.
History: Orphaned at a young age, Razor was forced to fend for himself on the mean streets of Harlem. He quickly learned that the only way to survive was to run with the gangs, and catnip smuggling became his greatest talent. But after a close shave with a hit bull (a pit bull assassin) sent by a rival gang made him reconsider his criminal ways, Razor dedicated his life to keeping impressionable kittens from going down his dark path. Now he speaks at schools across the country, but he's about to get a lesson of his own: the past won't always let you go.
I had finished creating my fursona. It was generic and riddled with cliches -- in other words, it would blend into the furry community perfectly.
Please continue to Part 2: Fursuits and Furry Forums!
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