Sprog 9,049 12
09/06/2011 02:33 PM

I've just had a Shakespeare so big that Angelina Jolie tried to adopt it.

I am The Lobster. 18,572 33
09/06/2011 02:40 PM

Why do Mexicans put their names on their cars?


So they don't steal their own.

Drewcifer CDXX 46,366 58
09/06/2011 02:43 PM

Porn has made me believe that Aisan men don't exist.

Sprog 9,049 12
09/06/2011 02:43 PM

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.

Sprog 9,049 12
09/06/2011 02:44 PM

Why did the prophet Muhammad marry a 9yr old?
Because he was a pedophile.

The Mailman 176,467 56 looks at the first few posts in the thread
09/06/2011 03:47 PM

Ethnic Jokes without being racist

Hoping this would work should instantly restore your ZUG account to n00b status.

Sprog 9,049 12
09/06/2011 03:50 PM

What's brown & rhymes with snoop?
Dr. Dre.

The Mailman 176,467 56
09/06/2011 03:50 PM

Q: Why is it a holiday in France the day after the Tour de France is over?

A: So the population can go see the French cyclists cross the finish line.

Sprog 9,049 12
09/06/2011 04:21 PM

What do you get if you cross an Italian with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand.

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32 knows he is going to regret this...
09/06/2011 04:32 PM

A Ogden Nash, a kike and a wop go into a college. Four to eight year later, the Ogden Nash graduates with an advanced degree in nuclear physics; the kike gets a Masters in Sport Education, and the wop receives a B.S. in Criminology.

Sprog 9,049 12
09/06/2011 04:36 PM

I hate racism! Racism is a crime & crime is for black people!

The Harbinger of Beer, Midgets. 96,156 48
09/06/2011 05:10 PM

Jock, a Scot, was returning home from the pub,smelling like a distillery.
He flopped on a bus seat next to a priest. His tie was stained,his face was plastered with red lipstick,and a half empty bottle of whiskey was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. Then he asked the priest, "Father,what causes arthritis?" "Well my son,it's the result of loose living,being with cheap,wicked women,too much whisky and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I'll be damned!" Jock muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest,feeling a little guilty, said "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't,Father. But I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Pram 80,728 42
09/06/2011 06:17 PM

A young Swedish woman, old Dutch woman, an Englishman, and a Scotsman are riding a train...

...driven by a Polish conductor.

Mr. Mike 11,439 21
09/06/2011 07:34 PM

What do you call two black motorcycle cops?

Chocolate Chips.

Pram 80,728 42
09/06/2011 08:16 PM

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND POLISH JOKES.

Mr. Mike 11,439 21
09/06/2011 08:17 PM

What's the difference between dog Shakespeare and Ogden Nashes?


When dog Shakespeare gets old it turns White and quits stinking.

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
09/06/2011 08:26 PM

Mr. Mike, in this thread, whenever we are blatantly racist, we at least try to be ironical about it.

Declan on his own Toshiba Satellite 131,891 36
09/06/2011 08:47 PM

I gave Mr. Mike a very ironic five.

Straw's on the Hogwarts Express 98,023 37
09/06/2011 10:42 PM

Poor Thomas. He didn't deserve this thread.

The Harbinger of Beer, Midgets. 96,156 48
09/06/2011 10:44 PM

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?


A Rolling Stone says "Hey you, get off of my cloud!", while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod,get off of my ewe!"

Chit 178,781 15
09/06/2011 11:45 PM

Apply your own racist joke below.

Whistler 186,138 44
09/06/2011 11:46 PM

...the kike gets a Masters in Sport Education...

Quick, name five professional athletes who are Jewish.

Rod Carew does not count. He was a convert.

Straw's on the Hogwarts Express 98,023 37
09/06/2011 11:48 PM

I don't understand, I like fried chicken a lot, but I'm not black.

Declan on his own Toshiba Satellite 131,891 36
09/07/2011 01:05 AM

Sandy Koufax

Mark Spitz

Adam Goldberg

Red Auerbach

Oksana Baiul



Q. E. D., baby bro. I only had to verify Oksana Baiul on Wikipedia.

Declan on his own Toshiba Satellite 131,891 36
09/07/2011 01:07 AM

Also my favourite of all favourites: BILL GOLDBERG.

Declan on his own Toshiba Satellite 131,891 36
09/07/2011 01:16 AM

Max Baer, the boxer, not jr, the Jethro.


Nancy Lieberman, the woman basketball person.

Mr. Mike 11,439 21
09/07/2011 05:20 AM

Apply your own racist joke below.

Apparently, the store realized the only way to sell the Chicken was to appeal to the lowest common denominator...

Pram 80,728 42
09/07/2011 11:48 AM

Most of the people who buy stuff on food stamps at work is white people. And they try to get all kinds of stuff that's not allowed, like energy drinks and batteries (WTF?! Because, yeah, batteries are food).

I Frost-ing hate white people.

Pram 80,728 42 whoops, I AM white people
09/07/2011 11:49 AM

I Frost-ing hate myselves.

snowfoxrox 754 6
09/07/2011 12:05 PM

In order for the cold fried chicken to be taken as racist there should have been some watermelon~ or~ Waffles in the back ground... just sayin.

Hurricane Ravos 63,472 21
09/07/2011 12:07 PM

Waffles are delicious as hell. Ask Aunt Jemima

CHIX ARE TWO THINS INVOLVE 286,647 61
09/07/2011 12:11 PM

Most of the people who buy stuff on food stamps at work is white people.

Nice ebonics, Pramster.

Pram 80,728 42
09/07/2011 01:33 PM

I was thinking of that right after I posted it. We need us some edit buttons.

Drewcifer CDXX 46,366 58
09/07/2011 02:00 PM

What do sharks have in common with people?

The great ones are white.

CHIX ARE TWO THINS INVOLVE 286,647 61
09/07/2011 02:59 PM

signs you might be a Terrorist:

You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
You own a 300 machine gun and a 5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
You have more wives than teeth.
You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry ammunition in your robe.
You've never been asked, 'Does this burka make my ass look big?'
You were amazed to discover that mobile phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
A common compliment is, 'I love what you've done with your cave'.
You wipe your ass with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.

CHIX ARE TWO THINS INVOLVE 286,647 61
09/07/2011 03:14 PM

Two Middle East mothers sitting in a cafe chatting
The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through photos.
This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now
I remember him as a baby says the other mother.
He's a martyr now though" mom confides.
And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21
I remember him says the other happily
he had such curly hair when he was born.
He's a martyr too says mom quietly.
this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18, she whispers.
Yes says the friend enthusiastically, I remember when he first started school.
He's a martyr also says mom, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says.
They blow up so fast don't they?

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
09/07/2011 03:31 PM

A Japanese man goes into a New York bank to convert some Yen into Dollars. He hands the man 10000 yen, gets 750 dollars back and goes on his merry way.

A few days later the man goes to the same man at the same bank and hands him 10000 yen. This time he only gets 700 dollars back so he asks the man why.

"Fluctuations." The man explains shortly.

Quite pissed, the Japanese man turns to walk away but stops halfway to the door, turns and shouts, "Well fluct you americans too!"

Aristo-cuckolded 3,333 17
09/07/2011 03:34 PM

I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai girl.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."

But she did.

Aristo-cuckolded 3,333 17
09/07/2011 04:05 PM

Everyone should be treated as equals, whether they are brown, black, yellow or the normal color.

That's not racist, is it? I think it's actually melatoninist. Am I doing this right?

Aristo-cuckolded 3,333 17
09/07/2011 04:07 PM

Why do we use the word "race" when we talk about ethnicity? I mean, it's not like it's a competition.

Although, if it were, whites would win.

Hurricane Ravos 63,472 21
09/07/2011 04:10 PM

Everyone should be treated as equals, whether they are brown, black, yellow or the normal color.

That's not racist, is it? I think it's actually melatoninist. Am I doing this right?

I don't think so.

Sprog 9,049 12
09/07/2011 04:16 PM

A little black boy is helping his mother bake, he grabs a handful of flour, rubs it all over his face.
"Look mommy!" shouts the little boy, "I'm a white boy!"
His mum looked at him angrily, clipped him upside the head and shouted "You little Shakespeare! Go and tell your father what you just said!"
So the little boy (who can easily assume is a little bit thick) runs to his father and shouts "Look daddy! I'm a white boy! I'm a white boy!"
His father is furious. He slaps him upside the head and yells "You little Shakespeare! Go and tell your brother what you just said!"
So the little boy runs upstairs to his brother and shouts "Look at me bro! I'm a white boy!"
His brother is somewhat angered by this and pimpslaps him upside his face.
"Go and tell your sister what you just said!" shouts his brother.
So the little boy runs to his sisters room and shouts "Laquanita, Laquanita! I'm a white boy! I'm a white boy!"
His sister (Laquanita) is enraged by this and gives him the biggest bitchslap upside his head so the little boy ran downstairs to his mother.
"So what have you learnt from this?" asks his mother.
The little boy looks his mother in the eye and replies "I've only been white for 15 minutes and already I hate you black bastards!"

Drewcifer CDXX 46,366 58
09/07/2011 05:15 PM

I'm not racist, I'm ethnically selective.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
09/07/2011 10:55 PM

I'm a white guy who listens to rap music and likes 211 beer.




I hate Ogden Nashes though. Some of the whitest people I know are Ogden Nashes. Figure that Shakespeare out.

Sprog 9,049 12
09/08/2011 04:25 AM

You mean Wiggers.

Mr. Mike 11,439 21
09/08/2011 05:19 AM

Either that or he's referring to the dictionary definition of Ogden Nash... An ignorant person of any race or creed...

In that case, I know TONS of Ogden Nashes!

Hurricane Ravos 63,472 21
09/08/2011 08:30 AM

The little boy looks his mother in the eye and replies "I've only been white for 15 minutes and already I hate you black bastards!"

Sprog, are you my girlfriend? Because she told me the same joke a few days ago.

Mega-KChiki vs Crocosaurus 128,451 98 puts on the Mod Hat.
09/08/2011 09:42 AM

Please keep in mind that racist jokes toe the line between fun and hate. The topic has proven in the past to almost always devolve and end in tears, hurt feelings, offense and flame-outs.

Overt and continued racism on ZUG has not been tolerated in the past and users have been banned for continued overly racist comments. While the initial premise of this thread was not to post offensive racist jokes, it has quickly and predictably gone zooming downhill.

And now back to your regularly scheduled comedy ::points:: over THERE.

The Harbinger of Beer, Midgets. 96,156 48
09/08/2011 09:49 AM

Exactly what I'd expect one of you to say!

Sprog 9,049 12 takes into account everything the banana fairy said.
09/08/2011 10:43 AM

A white guy walks up to a black guy in a bar and says "Can I get you a beer to apologise for what my ancestors did to your ancestors?"
The black guy accepts the kind offer and they eventually become firm friends.

Mr. Mike 11,439 21 ignores the star farting fairy
09/08/2011 11:30 AM

A white guy walks up to a black guy in a bar and says "Can I get you a beer to apologise for what my ancestors did to your ancestors?"
The black guy accepts the kind offer and he eventually knifes him for his $100 Nikes. FIXED

turtle - working hard 42,578 26
09/08/2011 11:37 AM

Overt and continued racism on ZUG has not been tolerated in the past and users have been banned for continued overly racist comments


Can I vote someone off?

Mega-KChiki vs Crocosaurus 128,451 98
09/08/2011 11:38 AM

Dude, really? I drive the bus here. Don't make me pull it over.

Mega-KChiki vs Crocosaurus 128,451 98
09/08/2011 11:38 AM

Whoops! Collateral Turtle damage!

Mr. Mike 11,439 21 hangs head
09/08/2011 11:43 AM

yes ma'am, please don't tell my mama, she'll get out her belt!

The Harbinger of Beer, Midgets. 96,156 48
09/08/2011 11:51 AM

I drive the bus here.

Thanks for the warning, I'll stay off of the sidewalk.

The Harbinger of Beer, Midgets. 96,156 48
09/08/2011 12:26 PM

See what I did there? I made a sexist comment instead of the easier racist comment.

Although if you were Asian I suppose it would also be racist.

But if you were Asian you'd also be driving slow enough for me to easily walk out of the way.

CHIX ARE TWO THINS INVOLVE 286,647 61
09/08/2011 01:12 PM

Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?"

So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."

The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?"

She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".

Chit 178,781 15
09/08/2011 01:27 PM

I just wanted to share that picture because when I saw it I couldn't believe

1) That any company would have printed up stickers like that.

2) That anyone would have thought that it was a good idea to paste it on the chicken.

In hindsight, I wish I hadn't of posted it. I certainly hope that I didn't hurt anyone's feelings.

I often get confused on this issue because of all the live comedy that I see. Most all modern day comedians (of all races) do a percentage of their set on racial issues. Again, I apologize if I offended anyone.

Midgets 96,156 48
09/08/2011 01:29 PM

What does a Scotsman wear below his kilt?



Socks and shoes.

Aristo-cuckolded 3,333 17
09/08/2011 02:14 PM

This Scottish guy goes to his first baseball game. He figures out when to cheer by listening to the crowd around him, and is soon cheering like a true fan.

The batter gets a hit, and he screams (read it in your best Sean Connery accent) "Run, ye bastard, run!"

This continues throughout the game, until one of the batters gets walked. Our hero sees the batter take off to first base, so he stands and screams "Run, ye bastard, run!"

The guy sitting next to him tells him "No, he gets to walk because he got four balls."

So the Scottish guy yells "Good god, walk with pride, man!"

The Scotsquatch 2,480 11
09/08/2011 02:37 PM

I am utterly offended by the above posts! Unacceptable.

Not all Scots like baseball, sheesh!

Hargrave will be hearing from my attorney.

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
09/08/2011 03:40 PM

Again, I apologize if I offended anyone.

Cracka, please.

Declan on his own Toshiba Satellite 131,891 36
09/08/2011 04:18 PM

It's not funny unless someone is offended!

Declan as Someone Rubinski 131,891 36
09/08/2011 04:20 PM

I find this entire thread to be very offensive.


(Well done, everyone!)

CHIX ARE TWO THINS INVOLVE 286,647 61
09/08/2011 04:36 PM

Q. What do you call 42 fighting midgets who take on one lion.

A. Appetizers.

CHIX ARE TWO THINS INVOLVE 286,647 61
09/08/2011 05:26 PM

Cambodian midgets.

CHIX ARE TWO THINS INVOLVE 286,647 61
09/09/2011 12:02 PM

Some people just can't hear an invitation when it's right there in front of them.

Pram 80,728 42 angling for the rapertunity
09/11/2011 12:16 PM

...has the big black dude got any friends?

Pram 80,728 42
09/11/2011 12:18 PM

..has the big black dude got any friends?^ in prison?

HighSoci 30,109 18
09/11/2011 01:18 PM

Sprog's joke is wrong on so many levels........














1. Black women can't bake.
2. Black kids don't know who their daddys are.
3. Black people don't live in houses with an upstairs.
4. The kid's brother would be in jail or on the corner selling crack. Not in his room.
5. The kid's sister would be at her planned parenting class.

CHIX ARE TWO THINS INVOLVE 286,647 61
09/11/2011 09:54 PM

Black women can't bake?

That Aunt Jemimah has made a career on a lie? This changes everything.

Midgets® 96,156 48
09/11/2011 10:12 PM

Sprog, you must have not met many Southern black women.
The world would be a happier (and fatter) place if we all had an elderly black woman in our kitchen.

Too bad Lincoln had to go and ruin it for everybody.