Three brave souls decided to drink an entire beer festival [read Part 1 here], and if it was a horror movie, we're at the part where they're talking about how awesome it is to be young and live forever. It would also be called "DEAD DRUNK." And this is before they're clobbered by highly improbable casks.
When the only legible sign is "Curry, please," it's not a good sign.
Caskapalooza were the mad scientists of the beer festival, insane concoctions unleashed by Great Lakes Brewery and by far the most fantastically horrible beers I've ever had. They were glorious. The Caskapalooza tent was kept in the corner of the field, a hundred meters from every other tent, in the same way dangerous chemical labs are built in cheap huts outside the real facility, so they won't destroy anyone else. These weren't tame failures like "too hoppy": they suffered from "too curry." Professional drinkers will note that the "too curry" threshold is any curry.
Wallybob discovers there can be a downside to drinking everything.
Many people eat Indian food late at night, waShakespeare down with beer, then throw it back up. "Curry, please" tasted like that. Lady X described it as tasting like a mouthful of raw pork, but I disagreed -- raw pork wouldn't have had time to rot. Caskapalooza took the lesser known "random words" approach to beer: other atrocities included "Banana Rama" and "Peach Pepper," and when your drinks list combines meat with several fruity My Little Ponies, you can't expect good things. (Though I'll forgive them everything on the strength of their "Miami Weiss.")
To attract people to their experimental corner of the festival, they installed hearse-dancers!
Excellent for attracting the alcoholic members of the Addams Family.
On the opposite side of the tent they had a firetruck, though it was unclear whether this was for real emergencies, or in case they needed to wash away all the evidence if the FDA arrived. That is, until it pulled off a more impressive transformation than Optimus Prime, converting into a half-naked ladies dance floor.
Autobots! Transform and roll on out for a while, I'm good here!
Just like any exposure to random dangerous chemicals, the Caskapaloozing gave us superpowers. Before we'd merely been drinking: now we were immune to the concept of bad tastes and yet desperate to wash them out of our mouths. We had become SuperDrinkers!
The next stop after the casks was Asahi, which was as close as our beer-drinking rules would allow us to drinking water.
"Maybe if we make the entire stall reflective, it'll distract people from the beer!"
Several shotgunned samples later, we found ourselves at Hop City, where the barmaid was already so giddy she tried to serve me the drink on her T-shirt.
The next stop (that we remember) was one of the best ideas I've ever seen. (Disclaimer: when drinking, I have the "best idea ever" at least once an hour.) Niagara College is a teaching brewery, where students learn how to make beer as well as drink it.
That's the smartest formula since E=mc^2
Of course there are slight problems with beer perpetually made by beginners, but on the other hand, college students will drink anything.
We also, impossibly, ran into Final Destination 5. Which had set up a fairground game.
Throwing foam skulls while drunks cheer is about the level of terror now achieved by the Final Destination series.
Will the drinks rise and take revenge on us (like in all trilogies?) Or will we complete our quest?
Please stagger to Part 3: Prezhudents Choish an' Flyin Monkeesh!
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