The Awesome, Epic Tale of How I came to My Injury
A comedy article
by Spicey McHaggis  117,791  37
10/12/2011 07:35 PM 387 views
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As you may know, I'm on a business trip this week. I've been helping the locals here with their most heinous of computer problems. It has been exhilarating work, but the IT life is not always as easy as some would have you believe. Today was such a day as will be remembered in the annals of Time. Today I filed my very first Workers' Compensation claim.
In the building I'm working, all of the rooms have raised floors to make it easier to run cabling. But in a bizarre design scheme that must have been called "Eh, Frost it", they stopped the floor about three feet away from every entrance. That left a nice big step and a landing at every entrance to the room.
There is one room, however, that has a lot more landing, and it's at an angle as the door is slightly to the left of step. This gives the illusion that there is not a great cliff of peril waiting for you as you exit the room. Every time I have left this room, I have forgotten about the step and have stumbled into the landing. Today, I was dashing off to the next computer fire when I did a little worse than stumble.
It was a little bigger, but you get the idea.
I fell hard on my knee. Everyone gasped in horror as I hit the concrete floor with a force that so powerful, I can only imagine the damage I have done to the Earth's core. I apologize for the impending cataclysm.
From there everything was a blur. Management swooped in with a speed that I though was not possible at a management level. That paperwork was filed so fast that you dare not get in the way, lest you wish to lose a finger. And that would require more paperwork, so you can imagine the cycle of pain should you choose to be careless.
I got delivered to a medical facility and was told that nothing was broken and I should stay off of my feet and not lift anything heavy. This is difficult to hear for a man like me, who is in his element among 22-inch CRTs. However, there were still other jobs to be done, so I went back to work like the tough guy I am. I limped back to the room to confront the step that felled me. I stepped upon the abomination as best I could and showed it that it will not break me with fear. The room cheered. Then I went back to finish my work.
Now I am back in my hotel room eating the delicious steak the servants brought for me. It is nice and bloody - food for a real man. But it pains me to know that I was injured, not by a flight of stairs nor a flock of seagulls, but rather a lowly step. Surely, nothing so small could do damage to one such as I. There must be a better explanation.
Mmmm. Dead cow.
Help me Zugpatriots! I need you to weave the awesome, epic tale of how I came to my injury! Craft well, and you will be rewarded with many orbs.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
10 votes
4.2
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.8
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Elron_Hubbard 2,733  8
10/12/2011 07:39 PM
Once again, I bask in others pain in misery.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.0
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Bean 8,607 19
10/12/2011 07:42 PM
Giving an epic blowjob
I got nothin.
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Jeeni is ready for Halloweeni 47,815 51
10/12/2011 07:45 PM
I'm going to need to see photos. Give me something to work with, man!
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Funny
10 votes
3.7
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Midgets® 96,156 48
10/12/2011 07:48 PM
You must be on some pretty major pain killers to think asking this group to explain a knee injury is a good idea.
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Hilarious
10 votes
4.3
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UnderWhere? 101,398 77
10/12/2011 09:08 PM
I should stay off of my feet and not lift anything heavy.
So, you'll be sitting down to pee from now on?
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Funny
6 votes
3.0
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Mr. Mike Tricks your Treat! 11,439 21
10/12/2011 09:22 PM
"I was away on a trip... My wife was hundreds upon thousands of miles away...
I had waited for this chance for a very long time...
I ordered the most expensive item I had ordered in a very long time...
He arrived and came with everything I had ever wanted...
Suddenly, he took it out. It was massive and it was pointing straight at me...
But I was too excited and I fell to my knees with the force of 1,000 falling anvils...
Luckily my knee wasn't broken, but sadly, I did not get to eat that cheesy breadstick.
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Funny
5 votes
3.8
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Spicey McHaggis 117,791 37
10/12/2011 09:34 PM
Actually, my wife is here with me. The other night she took me to Hooters.
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Hilarious
9 votes
4.0
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SIV Attacks the Darknss! 13,642 16
10/12/2011 10:51 PM
After leaving Hooters with your lovely wife, you noticed a scuffle on the corner. A crackhead-pedophile-use car salesman-rapist-gang member-carjacker was trying to take an old lady's purse so he could steal her identity. You, being a man of action, ran up, grabbed his head, and pulled it down while your knee smashed into his chin like a crazy Bruce Lee-Jackie Chan-Jet Li-Tony Jaa hybrid. However, the force of the guy's head exploding hurt your knee.
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Funny
6 votes
3.0
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Mr. Mike Tricks your Treat! 11,439 21
10/13/2011 05:24 AM
Actually, my wife is here with me. The other night she took me to Hooters she let me motorboat her beautiful titties.
You cleaned it up, I sent it back to the gutter.
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Chuckleworthy
6 votes
2.8
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UnderWhere? 101,398 77
10/13/2011 07:02 AM
motorboat her beautiful titties
This would not result in him having an injured knee. My knee would be injured from the quick uptake into his balls.
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Funny
5 votes
3.8
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Spicey McHaggis 117,791 37
10/13/2011 07:05 AM
Whatever. You like the motorboat. Admit it.
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Funny
7 votes
3.9
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Bean 8,607 19
10/13/2011 07:32 PM
Waitaminit... you "came" to your injury?
I have heard of sado-masochism, but didn't know you were into it.
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