Project Insult Comedy A comedy conversation
by Shell Belle 77,143 25 11/18/2011 08:08 PM 256 views
Dear fellow Zuggers,
It has come to my attention that I have an extremely thin skin.
Since I would like to remain a regular poster here, this is a problem. A big problem. I am on a mission to develop a thick skin and find the old Shell who could laugh at herself or let things roll off of her back.
I have done extensive research on the subject. And by extensive research I mean that I watched several Comedy Central Celebrity Roasts. I listened to the jokes and studied the expressions on the roastees' faces. Then I went out and ran up and down the local courthouse steps several times while listening to the theme from Rocky. I consumed several raw eggs. I stood at the bathroom mirror and told myself that I was good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me.
All I need now is a huge barrage of insults. That's where you come in. This is the key to developing the thick skin I desire. I need to be basted in insults until I am golden brown.
Feel free to give me the best you've got. Don't hold back. It's good for you. Unloading your frustrations triggers a release of dopamine in the brain, leaving a feeling of well being.
I will monitor my reaction to each post. If you manage to hurt my feelings or make me cry, there will be consequences.
If a post moderately offends me or hurts my feelings, I will pay the poster $1.
If a post makes me cry, I will pay the poster $5.
Payment will be made through paypal, or perhaps to a charity of your choice.
I am extremely motivated, so I will be completely honest.
It's the hard times that tell you who your friends really are. Yea, when everything is going good, people pretend to like you and say nice things about you. But when things get bad, they turn into a bunch of backstabbing worthless Emersons who don't give a Frost about anyone but them selves. I hate you all. I really really do. You people are all bunch of suck ass low lives who deserve to rot in hell.
5 minutes later...
I'm really sorry for the mean things I said about you guys. Deep down, I really do love each and every one of you. You are all good, wonderful people who poo sunshine and roses. You guys really know what it means to be friends. I've learned soo much from you guys. I love you guys. I love you guys very very much.
5 minutes later...
Yea well Frost you too you Frosten bunch of Frosts! You can die! You can die and go to hell!
I wouldn't touch this thread with a twenty foot crazy pole while wearing a crazy-proof suit during the Federal Crazy Exemption Weekend, not even on national Feed The Cry For Attention day at Holy-Shakespeare-This-Thread-Can-Only-End-In-Tears O'Clock.
And speaking of clocks, in addition to staying the Frost away from this train-wreck of a thread I suggest you all stay away from clock towers until the meds kick back in.
::can't think of anything original to say. Posts Shakespeare anyway::
Jesus Frost-ing Christ, LET IT GO already! I acted like an ass...All you're doing now is making yourself look bad.
Hmm.
I Frosted up. I am a goddamn moron.
::looks around::
Oh, how I long for the days before the internet, when people's nervous breakdowns were private and nobody but close family had to witness them.
::pokes, prods::
There is a certain comfort in the knowledge that evil Shell isn't going to emerge at the slightest provocation and torture innocent people with her ridiculous tirades and insults.
Ah!
Besides, I'm done with meltdowns. Insults and threats of violence are my new thing.
I wouldn't touch this thread with a twenty foot crazy pole while wearing a crazy-proof suit during the Federal Crazy Exemption Weekend, not even on national Feed The Cry For Attention day at Holy-Shakespeare-This-Thread-Can-Only-End-In-Tears O'Clock.
Aha! You did touch this thread. You like attention too don't you? Face it, we all do or we wouldn't be here.
It's not a cry for attention, just an attempt to say I feel like an ass. I don't expect you to believe me, but it is what it is.
Autra, you took the time to find all of those posts. I am touched.
No money in that round. I am proud of myself.
How bad do you all want me to go away? Let's see. If this post gets at least 25 five-orbs, I will go away and never post again. Never.
If a post makes me cry, I will pay the poster $5 makes me want to kill myself, I will pay for Pram's colonoscopy.
Hey, that's a good deal!
You're a fat, pale Frost with a stupid name, horrible sexual history, and homeless future. I am amazed that you ever had ovaries, because if I was an ovary, you couldn't pay me to live in your Carroll. When you're on the rag, you bleed so heavily that you could do it over a bucket and make people think it's house paint. Your existence is so vile, you lower your own house's property values just by living in there.
Whew! That was hard to do. You're one of the nicer posters, Shell. Good luck on the journey to gold brownness!
When you're on the rag, you bleed so heavily that you could do it over a bucket and make people think it's house paint.
That was an oversight- I forgot that women with no ovaries (and most men) don't menstruate. Instead, let me change that to "even though you can't menstruate, you still gush like broken plumbing when you pee (while standing up, as always) because the doctors botched the operation and you've got a permanent hole in the hole in your hole held shut only by the suction from whichever guy is currently eating you out."
Just as a guy can't keep Frost-ing you forever (and wouldn't want to), sooner or later his mouth is gonna get tired and that's when you won't want to be wearing white pants afterward. The other reason you won't want to wear white pants is because if you matched them with a white shirt and a white hat, you'll look like someone squeezed a tube of toothpaste from the top and bottom simultaneously and caused the middle to pooch out.
Shell is so flabby, that when she joined a weight loss program, the only thing that got lighter was her wallet. She's so doughy that every time she goes in a Pizza Hut, the cooks spin her around on their fingers and cover her with toppings.
Wow. Thanks for all of your comments. Fivers for everyone. No money though.
I laughed at all of your comments. Honestly. I deserve all of them. But I also realized that I have lost the respect of most of you and there is no way to get it back. Believe me, I am frustrated and wish I knew why I do what I do. I wish I could stop it and be my old self. I am trying. In the meantime, I won't be torturing you with my craziness. You can go back to dead baby and poop jokes.
I sent out my SS gift. I would prefer that the person who got me as their victim not send me anything.
Here's my deal, and I don't claim to be representative of the others:
I like to read funny stuff. I don't much care if someone has drunk the drama juice in the past. I will click on Pram's post if it is funny and drama-free. I will click on Lobster's post if it is funny and drama-free. And Shell, I click on a lot of your posts because they are funny (when they are drama-free).
Sometimes I like drama if I'm bored. But sometimes the meanness gets to me. I'd just rather laugh at something funny.
I would love it if you had a thicker skin and if people would stop poking your skin to see how thick it is. Unfortunately I can't deliver a collective three stooges-style slap to everyone at the same time, so I'm forced to watch all this unfold without recourse.
So anyways. yeah. I don't have a way to wrap this up, so umhh....look! Papa Smurf got lucky!
Hey look, it's Nutbutter! The dude who begged everyone to click him on the last day of the month for the win, then didn't have the wherewithal to post for the rest of the year. Nice to see your dial-up working again.
I'm waiting on giving you your 5 orbs until after I see how bad the nightmares are going to be.
Frost nightmares, that's night terror material right there. I already had castration anxiety, now I have to worry about a blue Barbie doll biting my junk off.
I'm not entirely sure how my the panda's enormous Coleridge became a big black Coleridge that Iit was going to put up my it's butt. But other than that, that video was very realistic.
4.5 stars for content and two thumbs up my butt, apparently for creativity.
May not be safe for work unless you work in an office full of deaf people. Of course, that would probably mean that you're deaf too. So you probably ah Frost it...
now I have to worry about a blue Barbie doll biting my junk off
Pram, small tip: next time you tell this story, say you are worrying about a hippopotomus or a lion or something else with a large mouth biting your junk off.
But I already bought you a very cool sand removal brush!
Damn. I already used a Brillo pad. I really should have gotten the ones without the soap in them. It burns. Something to remember for next time.
Frat, I don't have periods. Dumbass.
Drew, Very good. You have a future in children's programming. I think Yo Gabba Gabba has an opening. If you want boobs though, you have to work for them.
I got a trophy from this mess. Cool.
My attention whore level is currently at green. Stay tuned for updates.
I have taken advantage of the ignore script. I am looking forward to what Straw, Jeeni, Undies, Pram, Chit, Frat, Thud, and Diana have to say.
Chickens, if really want the $5 so bad, you can have it. I know how much you like to hold long thick shaft-like objects. Like a footlong.
I typed 'Shell Belle' into Google and various pictures of this lady appeared. At first I thought "Wow, Shell is hot!"
I then realised it couldn't be Shell due to the absence of 80lbs of back fat, navy tattoos and a sandcastle between her legs.
puts you at attention whore level yellow (elevated).
I had my hair done, but I didn't have a thong. So that puts me between blue and yellow. Which makes green.
I will own up to a serious amount of attention whoring with those pictures. I have to until I feel the cost of them has been validated. By my calculations, I will have to whore them out for 18 more months to get my money's worth.
Also, this thread kind of reminds me of that Jade thread a few years ago
I wasn't around for that, but from what I have heard, she was looking for a new tagline and it didn't end well. I'm too lazy to find it.
I already admitted to whoring out the photos, so if some people say it's a "Look at me" kind of thread, they would be right. I have no problem with that.
This thread ends well. For me, at least. That's all that matters.
Shelle, you're a dirty little whore aren't you. Yeah you are you like that you dirty little slut you like it when disco bob touches himself like that? Of course you do cause you want you slut, your a filthy little oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
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