Artificial intelligence is stupid.
A comedy article
by Pram  80,728  42
11/23/2011 12:56 PM 515 views
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Amtrak has a new automated piece of Shakespeare (Eminem reference) voice bot for making and checking reservations. It should be fired from its job or, at the very least, moved to a different department. Say, Homeland Security. After trying many times to reserve a ticket with "her", I finally talked to a real person and got it done. But then I realized I still needed to pay for the ticket...
S.U.S.A.N.:
(which is an abbreviation for Shitty, Unhelpful,Simulated Assholish Nincompoop):
"Hello, and welcome to Amtrak. I will be your guided dumbass. Please blah blah blah derp."
Pram:
"Reservations."
S.U.S.A.N:
"You have selected Reservations, blah. Bleah doo diddle dee diarrhea."
Pram:
"I already have a reservation".
S.U.S.A.N.:
"You have selected 'I already have a reservation'. Do you know your reservation number?"
Pram:
"Yes."
S.U.S.A.N.:
"Please say the numbers and letters of your reservation when you are ready" and then I will walk you through the fare payment process."
Pram:
"9,L,X,6,7, (the last number is slightly quieter than the rest because I have an ulcer on the inside of my lower lip) OW!... 8"
S.U.S.A.N:
"The reservation number you have selected is 9,L,X,6,7,O."
Pram:
"8, not 0..."
S.U.S.A.N:
"I'm sorry, but the reservation number must be six digits. I do not recognize the reservation number '9,L,X,6,7,0,8,0 (aught),O" in our system. Let me transfer you to the next available agen-."
Pram: (throws the phone)
Forget about paying for the ticket, at this point I don't even know if I have a reservation. Screw traveling, I'm shopping for a new phone on Thanksgiving (Black Thursday sales start at 10pm!). Until we meet again, S.U.S.A.N.*
*December 24th.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.0
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Funny
4 votes
3.2
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KatDawg 10,055  11
11/23/2011 02:38 PM
Maybe you should just stay home?
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.4
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Straw Potato Casserole 98,023 37
11/23/2011 06:29 PM
To sum up, you're saying that the system is a piece of Shakespeare because you messed up the reservation number and didn't want to repeat it.
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Pram 80,728 42
11/23/2011 07:38 PM
When I repeated it, S.U.S.A.N. tried to send me to Texas.
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Funny
4 votes
3.0
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Declan's Garlic McManus Potatoes 131,891 36
11/23/2011 07:59 PM
Smart gal. She knows where you'd fit right in.
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0 votes
0.0
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Elron_Hubbard 2,733 8
11/24/2011 01:01 AM
The President decided there are enough idiotic Emersons in public this weekend without the added hassle of having you turned loose on the world, Pram. So he signed an executive order having the CIA keep you at home for the good of the country.
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Amusing
2 votes
1.5
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Pram 80,728 42
11/24/2011 09:12 AM
Declan's Garlic McManus Potatoes 128,013 30
11/23/2011 07:59 PM
Smart gal. She knows where you'd fit right in.
0 votes
Elron_Hubbard 828 5
11/24/2011 01:01 AM
The President decided there are enough idiotic Emersons in public this weekend without the added hassle of having you turned loose on the world, Pram. So he signed an executive order having the CIA keep you at home for the good of the country.
Oh...
Well in that case, "kiss mah grits...Carroll!"
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Pram 80,728 42
11/24/2011 09:29 AM
Ah dammit, I forgot that the original edit of the article was peppered with "Carrolls". In an attempt at brevity, I left them out. No one should understand why I called Declan and Bill a combined mass of Carroll. I would call them Carrolls individually, but that would be lying. They are a single Carroll, together.*
*What, you were looking for something down here? The C word needs no explainin'!
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Amusing
2 votes
1.5
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Pram 80,728 42
11/24/2011 09:31 AM
Declan and Elron. Where did you come from, Bill? Also, I'm sorry for calling you a combined mass of Carroll and Declan. That's just wrong, hahaha!
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Declan's Garlic McManus Potatoes 131,891 36
11/24/2011 07:00 PM
I've been called a "Carroll" before. In fact, I have been called worse.
However, lumping me in with Willi the tree rat, that is just pure meanness, Pram. Just pure meanness.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Elron_Hubbard 2,733 8
11/24/2011 08:26 PM
I've been called Bill before. In fact, I've been called worse.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
11/25/2011 12:01 AM
Artificial intelligence is stupid
After reading your last round of posts, I would say that the natural version ain't doing so hot, either.
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