When you hear the term "roleplaying" you think of either sex or video games, depending on how nerdy you are. But there's another type you may not be familiar with: online roleplaying.
Half interactive game and half collaborative writing exercise, online roleplayers pretend to be fictional characters and talk with each other to tell a story. For example, a few people might create Jedi alter egos and go on an adventure in the Star Wars universe. Or they might create pony personalities and frolic through the land of My Little Pony. There's a lot of variety.
I find roleplaying baffling, so I decided to join a roleplay to learn more about it. But I wasn't going to settle for any old roleplay -- I would join Shokushu High School, the most Frosted up roleplay in existence. Read on to see what it's about! Here's a hint: it involves tentacles, and it's not about octopuses.
The Basics
I'm going to assume that you're too busy waterskiing and sleeping with supermodels to have any idea how roleplaying works, so I'll explain.
Most roleplayers create their own character, although some play with pre-existing characters. Roleplays usually occur on message boards -- players make a post that's "in character," then go on about their lives while they wait for the other participants to respond.
For example, if I was roleplaying as noted American cinematic protagonist John McClane I would post something like:
John McClane squeezed the trigger of his gun. "I won't let you blow up downtown Milwaukee!" he shouted at the terrorist he was shooting.
And then my fellow roleplayer, in character as a terrorist, would reply:
"Agh! I've been shot!" shouted Terry McTerrorist as he felt McClane's bullet puncture his liver.
Most roleplaying forums are for teenagers who are looking to kill time and are afraid their parents will catch them if they watch porn. Even adult roleplaying forums are pretty casual; they're something to do to wind down after a hard day's work. I may think it's weird, but who am I to judge?
Then there's Shokushu High School. Shokushu is a roleplay about an all-girls school where the students learn, make friends, grow as human beings and get constantly raped by tentacle monsters. I'm going to judge the Shakespeare out of these people.
Yes, that really is their motto. And yes, that really is their color scheme.
Shokushu High School is the worst website I've ever visited, and I've been to Free Republic. Shokushu's users have less respect for women than people who perform female circumcisions. It's a website for people who are too out of shape to be rapists.
This is literally Shokushu's only safe for work picture.
Shokushu is a small community, but its members are insanely dedicated to their pastime. Participants write elaborate backstories for their schoolgirls and tentacle monsters, and many of their roleplaying scenes take months, if not years to complete. These people put more time and effort into their monster rape stories than Tolstoy put into War and Peace.
But War and Peace is more erotic.
Now, this may shock you, but Shokushu is not the most realistic roleplay I've ever seen. Between the crazy concept and the fact that all of Shokushu's members write at a negative fourth grade level (penning such classic lines as, "It was the most sensual shower she had ever taken on the island to date, or at least as far as she could remember"), it can be a pretty stupid place. That got me wondering -- how insane would I have to act before I'd get kicked off a tentacle rape roleplay forum for being unrealistic?
There was only one way to find out. I had to become a girl, just like my parents always wanted.
The Worst High School Ever
I was going to attend Tentacle Rape High, but what good student doesn't learn a little about their new school? Shokushu's founders wrote an elaborate backstory for their institution, but here's the quick and very dirty.
Shokushu High is an all-girls prep school located on a remote tropical island. However, the island is actually on a distant planet -- the girls are tricked into thinking they're still on Earth (presumably their curriculum doesn't cover astronomy).
Why the deception? It's part of a secret truce between humanity and "alien hordes," who get to commit all the rape they want in exchange for leaving Earth alone. When the girls graduate they're taken to the alien "breeding pits," never to be heard from again. Unless an elite military force that has a space station above planet Schoolgirl Rape is able to rescue the girls before they're flown off to become sex slaves. Oh, and there's also a mysterious offshore lab that performs "lascivious sex-experiments." Because if they didn't throw in some evil scientists the story might be too tame.
So, did you get all that?
If you did, I'm sorry. Please accept this picture as an apology.
Observant readers might ask, "If the girls think they're still on Earth, wouldn't they find all the tentacle monsters constantly raping them to be a tad strange?"
You'd think so, but the literary masters at Shokushu have that potential plot hole covered. You see, the monsters commit all their attacks in secrecy, and any stories of rape are immediately suppressed as rumors or pranks. I'm not sure how you write off violent tentacle rape as a wacky prank, but I'm sure I'll learn that neat trick once I start roleplaying. Oh, and of course, many of the girls don't say anything because deep down they love getting raped.
Again, I'm sorry.
Now, your next question is probably, "What the Frost? Why aren't these people in jail?"
And I would have no answer for you. God, how I wish I did.
Please continue to Part 2: Becoming a Schoolgirl!
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