How NOT to fix your computer, part 2. A comedy article
by Manhole 21,658 29 12/02/2011 09:48 PM 11330 views
It all started just a few hours ago. I was on the web, when out of the blue, I heard this awful noise coming from my computer. It was a whining, irritating noise. It's hard to describe really. The best way I can describe it is by having you read some of Shelle's posts, while thinking of sound.
I thought, "Oh Boy, my professionally installed CPU fan has failed." You can read about this here. But upon closer inspection, I discovered the CPU fan humming along just like it should. The noise was coming from a fan, but a different fan. This time, it was the video card cooling fan. And this was a problem, a big problem.
It will probably come as a surprise to most of you that the video card is a little, um, rigged. I got the non-working computer years ago, and found the AGP socket was wore out. I was able to correct this by applying solder to the video card pins, allowing them to put more pressure on the AGP socket. The downside to this is that, well, you can't really remove the video card anymore.
So, I guess that's it, right? I mean, how am I supposed to fix this? I can't replace the fan without removing the card. And if I don't replace it, the video card will fry from overheating.
But I have plan.
It was a few minutes before I developed a solution to my dilemma. My idea would require the following:
A drill.
A rotary cutting device
An old PCI card.
A small cooling fan.
And some Scotch tape.
Now, here are a couple views of the problem video card and failed fan.
Notice the professionally installed CPU cooling fan in the top of the picture.
If you look closely, you will see the large copper veins used to channel the heat away from the chips behind it. The veins are actually apart of one single large heat sink. My idea is to bolt a fan to the PCI card below it and use it to blow air on the copper veins, there by cooling the video card.
There is a small problem, however. A large piece of plastic is covering most of the copper veins.
But not for long...
That's better! As you can see, the copper veins are now completely exposed, heh. Now all I have to do is mount the fan below it!
Drilled the hole in the PCI card to mount the fan too.
MOUNTEDEDEDDED!
Scotch tape to isolate the pins from the PCI bus.
Modified PCI card installed!
Below is the modified computer in action.
As you can see, everything is working well. Now, to run some tesssssssssssssssssssssssssss............
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0X485HFD FATAL ERROR.................
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0XFFBCD BEGIN MEMORY DUMP........
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Manhole, I am sure that you are a brilliant guy, and truly a man among men, but I didn't understand Shakespeare past "The best way I can describe it is by having you read some of Shelle's posts, while thinking of sound."
I gave you four for that sentence alone, though. Party on.
Look at all the dust inside your computer. Maybe if you cleaned it every once in a while, you wouldn't be having to "fix" stuff all the time. I mean if you are talented enough to "fix" those problems, I am sure you are talented enough to operate a can of compressed air or even a vacuum cleaner.
Well, the only complaint I do have about my singing fish (which of course you know that I would never destroy) is that it arrived incredibly dusty. I would have tried to vacuum the flux capacitor, but I didn't want to have to travel back to the 60s and make sure my parents got pregnant with my sister so they would have to get married.
I had to ask Manhole what that is in the picture Analog posted. I'll pass along my interpretation of what he said to others like myself who have never seen such a thing: you put the strap thingy on your wrist and the roach clip to something metal (i.e., if you have a spare member of ACDC lying around). The purpose of it is so that balloons won't stick to your head.
In my head, I read this sentence in the voice of Manhole's rotary cutting device
My husband says you're wrong. A rotary cutter isn't nearly irritating enough.
Okay, I thought that thing Analog posted was for someone to use static electricity to deliver shocks to their balls. Which is what my husband does instead of having a conversation with me.
Psst: Anytime I say "Frost you. Frost you very much", it's a joke. I only write it that way to posters I like.
"Congratulations, you won the killer of comedy trophy!"
And I was like "Cool!" But then I saw it was for this thread. I thought this was weird because this thread was not as popular as my first computer fixing thread. So I figured John might have put it one the front page. But it wasn't there.
So I did a little detective work. Looks like Mailman linked to it on Digg. And now it's everywhere. To the great annoyance of many, it has taxed out the bandwidth of my photobucket account.
I'll be sending the goatse pictures to admin for them to work their HTML magic.
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