The [insert your favorite adjective here] SS ever!
A comedy article
by Auld Lange Suzy  3,009  9
12/30/2011 08:44 PM 223 views
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This was my first year being victimized by the SS, and I have to confess (especially after reading all the other threads and being terrorized by giant black dildos), I was more than a little nervous. So, there I was, standing in line at the Post Office with my package notification slip in hand, praying there wasn't anything that I would have a hard time hiding explaining to my 15 year old son. The exterior left me a little confused. Here's a picture of my box:
Hmmmm, medical spoons? I was dreaming of the possibilities when I saw this:
AAAwwwww, "Made in China"? Now what was I going to do? I got home, parked my sled dogs, and cozied up in my chair, getting ready to be utterly mortified by what was inside. Aaaaannnnddddd....
What to my wondering eyes should appear, but several neatly wrapped packages, and a really great letter from my SS and new superhero, Midgets! My letter contained directions on what to open first, and hysterical explanations on why each item was purchased. Here are the first two-
if Howard Sterm recommends it, it's gotta be, well, disgusting anyway
YAY! Jude Law is in one of these movies, so here's crossing my fingers for a nude scene!
These movies are dedicated to my obsession with bad movies. I can't wait to subject myself to this painful, painful torture. Next up-
CANDY!
You know the way to my heart, Midge. It may soothe the torture my soul will be taking as I watch those horrible movies. Here in Alaska, we have ice cream called "muktuk", which is essentially creamed seal blubber. Then we have-
I plan on feeding my dogs the silica packet inside, since it will cause less health issues. I'm planning on using the "meat" strips as treads for my exterior stairwell. Last, but not least-
This was so cool. Not only can I make a GIANT chocolate chip cookie (we all know it's better when it's bigger), but I can use the skillet to fend of bear attacks!
In closing, thank you so much, Midgets, I really appreciate everything. Your letter was the best part, I'm still laughing sitting here re-reading it. I am starting to wonder though, where you were really writing from:
(these little items were located at the top of Midgets' note)
I hope you're feeling better soon, your secret is safe with us!
Love, Suzy Creamcheese
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
12 votes
4.4
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Chuckleworthy
6 votes
2.5
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Hoppy Gnu Ear Jeeni 47,815  51
12/30/2011 09:28 PM
Congrats, Suzy! Secret Santa Virgin Victim no more!
I think Midgets is a doctor because he leaves us all in stitches! Har har!
(sorry)
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Hilarious
12 votes
4.4
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Midgets loves the Ho-ho-hos 96,156 48
12/30/2011 09:54 PM
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I didn't have much to go off of, and I have a reputation for buying bad gifts.
It got there later than I hoped but not too bad for sending something to a third world country!
As far as an explanation on the note paper, I'd been working my butt off in the weeks leading up to Christmas and some days the only time I had to slack off and write a letter was at work.
I thought of putting little scratch and sniff boxes on it so that you could guess where my hand had been before touching the paper, but I didn't know how that would fall under the rules about shipping biohazardous materials.
I'm glad you like it! Merry Christmas or whatever you call it in your language!
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.0
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SIV the Hippie Lumberjack 13,642 16
12/30/2011 11:09 PM
The [insert your favorite adjective here] SS ever!
Shortest?
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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Fratberry 283,052 53
01/03/2012 10:19 AM
Looks like someone's been shopping at Stuckey's.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
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Pubah... 56,851 18
01/03/2012 12:37 PM
Cast Iron Skillett...
For waxing muthaFrosta's fo-heads wit!
My kind of Christmas
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