Heavy Sweating: The Craigslist Perspiration Prank
A comedy article
by Betty Piedra  178  5
01/02/2012 09:52 PM 1805 views
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We always hear about the impressive results of consumer testing: "4 out of 5 men regained a full head of hair!" or "This product improved 95% of foot odors!" But who are these mysterious men and women who serve as the guinea pigs for these quick fixes and miracle cures? And where do they find these medical studies, anyway?
As usual, it turns out that you can find them on Craigslist.
On Craigslist you can sample a possible treatment for women with low sex drive or gamble on your future by trying an experimental new birth control, and even devote yourself to product testing completely and make up to $1000 volunteering for clinical studies. Many of the ads for these studies ask you to disclose personal details or are simply embarrassing or awkward in nature, which got us wondering: Just what kinds of hilarious and/or disgusting personal information would people disclose to an anonymous Craigslist email address, if they thought it was for scientific research?
We posted this fake research project to Craigslist, looking for volunteers:
Independent consumer research firm seeks healthy adults ages 18-35 to participate in an upcoming clinical study comparing several name brand ultra-strength deodorants. Participants must be between the ages of 18 and 35 and should consider their average perspiration level to be either mildly or severely uncomfortable. Participants will be paid $30 per product tested ... and will also receive a year's supply of their choice of deodorant at the end of the study.
Interested candidates should include a description of your average perpiration levels throughout the day. Be sure to include "Product Tester" in the subject line.
For some skeptics, $30 per product and free deodorant for a year may sound too good to be true, but dozens of brave dreamers poured their tears and, yes, sweat into their responses, pleading passionately to be part of the study. One selfless and grammatically challenged individual even reached out on behalf of a friend:
While the good Samaritan above was unable to comply with the ad's simple instructions to include certain hygienic details, many respondents had no trouble sharing the requested information, plus a little extra:
Of course, for many sweat sufferers, the dilemma is twofold: odor, as well as moisture, can lead an individual to disclose things they would not want anyone to know under normal circumstances:
And some responses were funny enough to make us wonder if we weren't the only ones out there getting a laugh:
More than a few hopefuls described their educational backgrounds, as if having an advanced degree better prepared them for distinguishing between mild and severe perspiration levels. But this Ivy League poet proved the real value of education when she sent us this philosophical gem:
Unfortunately for these and many other afflicted hopefuls, the study never got off the ground. Despite the outpouring of enthusiastic interest, mitigating circumstances prevented research from ever getting underway:
Dear Respondent:
Thank you for your interest in the perspiration clinical study. We received many emails from prospective participants eager to resolve a variety of perspiration and odor problems. Unfortunately, testing has been delayed indefinitely due to unforeseen and potentially hazardous side effects of several of the products intended for review. Specifically, a number of the deodorants were found to be carcinogenic and therefore prohibited from further human testing.
Thank you again for your interest.
What can we say? Sometimes life stinks.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
18 votes
4.3
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Also Recommended on ZUG:
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.2
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John Hargrave 128,224  71
01/02/2012 09:55 PM
Welcome to our new writer Betty Piedra! Not only is Betty very funny, but apparently she writes for some little humor publication called The Onion.
Give her a warm welcome with your clicks. She really poured out her blood, sweat, and tears for this one.
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.8
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Thud 66,821 17
01/02/2012 10:15 PM
The first person with a "It stinks" joke gets slapped.
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Funny
4 votes
3.0
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Elron_Hubbard 2,728 8
01/03/2012 12:26 AM
Let me get this straight. She writes for the Onion, and yet she is posting here? John, I don't think kidnapping and terrorist threats are a very good way to start off the new year.
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Elron_Hubbard 2,728 8
01/03/2012 12:28 AM
Shakespeare, Obama signed NDAA didn't he? Well, if you don't hear from me again, please send smokes to:
NS Guantanamo Bay, Cuba
Fleet & Family Support Center,
PSC 1005 Box 29
FPO, AE
09593-0029
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
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Elron_Hubbard 2,728 8
01/03/2012 12:29 AM
Actually, that gives me a prank idea...
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Funny
5 votes
3.4
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Betty Piedra 178 5
01/03/2012 12:58 AM
If I'm a writer for the Onion then it's news to me; wonder when they're going to tell me? Or pay me, for that matter.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Celebrating Year of The Chickens 282,535 59
01/03/2012 05:42 AM
The fat bastard one was worth the fiver.
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Fratberry 278,229 52
01/03/2012 10:14 AM
You'll have to excuse Jeff. He gets confused sometimes.
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