fired on the first day?
A comedy conversation
by Disco Bob  4,322  8
01/10/2012 10:20 PM 154 views
|
|
anyone know an attorney who can keep a straight face while arguing that drinking at work is not the same as being drunk at work.
Monday was my first day at a new company, and as expected they drug tested me. Now I laid off the hard stuff so the drug test is no problem, the issue is the breathalyzer. I blew a 0.04 which is well below legal limit, I was pretty happy about it. However my new boss is apparently an optimist (to him 0.04 means I'm half drunk, where as in my view it means I'm half empty). What kinda fag doesn't have a couple beers at lunch on the first day?
I'm probably fired huh?
|
|
|
Like This? Rate It!
|
|
Funny
14 votes
3.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220101
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Funny
9 votes
3.6
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220102
Thud 68,525  19
01/10/2012 10:26 PM
Nah, just show up for work tomorrow like nothing happened. If he brings up the test then you beat him to death for besmirching your good-ish name.
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
17 votes
4.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220103
Manhole 21,658 29
01/10/2012 10:29 PM
Give us your boss's email and we'll totally vouch for you.
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hilarious
14 votes
4.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220112
Fratberry 283,052 53
01/10/2012 11:29 PM
"I was so nervous this morning that I accidentally swallowed my Listerine instead of spitting it out. You'll find that I "accidentally" swallow lots of things."
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
7 votes
4.1
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220114
Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
01/10/2012 11:32 PM
Tell him to stop being a Carroll. You'll get your work done and if you're half drunk he has half a chance of you not Frost-ing his wife.
|
| |
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
8 votes
2.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220115
Elron_Hubbard 2,733 8
01/10/2012 11:40 PM
.04? That is a tall shot of Nyquil because you didn't want to call in sick on your first day. Man, you guys are amateurs.
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
6 votes
4.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220116
Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
01/10/2012 11:48 PM
You really are new.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
4 votes
3.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220117
Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
01/10/2012 11:59 PM
I never drink at work.
I go out back.
|
| |
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
5 votes
2.6
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220120
Elron_Hubbard 2,733 8
01/11/2012 01:03 AM
You really are new.
Yeah, but at least I don't get fired when I drink on the job. In fact, last time I showed up drunk, my boss gave me some coke to help sober me up.
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
10 votes
4.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220123
Hoppy Gnu Ear Jeeni 47,815 51
01/11/2012 08:07 AM
Never thought snorting a line would help sober someone up. Interesting. Do you shoot heroine to chase the coke?
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
5 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220127
Celebrating Year of The Chickens 286,647 61
01/11/2012 10:21 AM
You'll find that I "accidentally" swallow lots of things."
Like Bankey's jizz-load?
(Yes folks, that's one from the archives, pulled back cause it was just too perfect not to be brought back. Tankuverymuck)
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
4 votes
3.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220128
Fratberry 283,052 53
01/11/2012 10:22 AM
No, just the part-time people.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
4 votes
3.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220129
Fratberry 283,052 53
01/11/2012 10:23 AM
Dammit Chickens.
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
9 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220130
Fratberry 283,052 53
01/11/2012 10:27 AM
Speaking of Chickens and his mastery of the English language, I present to you the email I sent to our IT listserv this morning:
Subject: DrAm aqppt
Body: I have a dictor appt thos morning. I will be in when I am done.
I wasn't even a little drunk.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
7 votes
3.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220131
Celebrating Year of The Chickens 286,647 61
01/11/2012 10:48 AM
It adds to the sick illusion if you lay on the misspellings. It's like the meds are messing with you.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
6 votes
3.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220132
Celebrating Year of The Chickens 286,647 61
01/11/2012 10:49 AM
So you NEED to get behind the wheel and drive to the Dr.'s.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
10 votes
3.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220137
Straw frozen, but not in carbonite 98,023 37
01/11/2012 12:43 PM
I have a dictor appt thos morning. I will be in when I am done.
Your dick makes you schedule when you can touch it? See, this is your problem. You gotta show it who's boss. Beat it into submission.
|
| |
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220160
Disco Bob 4,322 8
01/11/2012 09:46 PM
I worked out a deal with the boss...I share the whiskey he doesn't have to share his wife. Thanks to BIG for the suggestion. Now on to the next issue these bastards use a web filter and I can't get Zug at work.
They want me to be sober...and productive? What kind of fascist nazi loving Carrolls have I signed up to work for?
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
5 votes
4.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220161
Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
01/11/2012 09:49 PM
To get past the web filter, you need to find who the IT guy/girl is and offer them booze/sex/drugs/thinkgeek item/D&D dice for which proxy allows you to get full internet access. Threats should only be used as a back-up plan.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
5 votes
3.4
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220165
Abominable TWSS 27,416 24
01/11/2012 10:39 PM
BIG: Workplace Advisor
Let me know if you ever start your own business. I want in.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
2 votes
3.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220167
Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
01/11/2012 10:46 PM
I want in.
Yeah, you do...wait, what?
|
| |
|
|
|
Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220168
Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
01/11/2012 10:52 PM
Actually, TWSS, if I started a company I might hire you, just so you can move the hell out of where you live now.
|
| |
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220182
Pram 80,728 42
01/12/2012 03:31 AM
Do you shoot heroine (sic) to chase the coke?
No, he hits her with a bat.
|
| |
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220183
Pram 80,728 42
01/12/2012 03:32 AM
...filled with Nyquil.
|
| |
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220185
Pram 80,728 42
01/12/2012 05:48 AM
SHE
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
4 votes
3.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220192
KChikita Banana Fairy Glitter Farts 128,451 98
01/12/2012 10:12 AM
To get past the web filter, you need to find who the IT guy/girl is and offer them booze/sex/drugs/thinkgeek item/D&D dice for which proxy allows you to get full internet access. Threats should only be used as a back-up plan.
I can't argue with that.
|
| |
|
|
|
Funny
10 votes
3.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220196
Abominable TWSS 27,416 24
01/12/2012 11:01 AM
Actually, TWSS, if I started a company I might hire you, just so you can move the hell out of where you live now.
Well, at least its not Ohio.
|
| |
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
5 votes
2.4
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220202
Pubah... 56,851 18
01/12/2012 12:12 PM
I guess you should have inquired about your new job's 'liquid lunch' policy. I'll clean out a spot for your cardboard box and save a bottle of wine I've made from pouring the 'corners' of several discated bottles into one 'semi empty' container.
see you soon
|
| |
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220220
Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
01/12/2012 04:44 PM
booze/sex/drugs/thinkgeek item/D&D dice
I can't argue with that.
Could you prioritize that list for us?
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
Funny
2 votes
3.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220237
Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
01/12/2012 10:15 PM
I can't argue with that.
I'm not getting through life on good looks alone.
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1054220243
Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
01/13/2012 12:21 AM
Don't nobody quit their day job.
|
|
|
|
Store
