The Seduction Community Experiment, Part 2 A comedy article
by Mark Hill 1,817 7 01/10/2012 10:37 PM 1233 views
I had turned to the "seduction community" for dating advice (read Part One here), and now I was going in deep.
The Community
There are several competing seduction websites out there, as the community has been fractured by various schisms. If you believe their claims, choosing one is like choosing a religion. To me, the choice was obvious -- I joined the Venusian Arts Forum. Not only did it have the most pretentious name, it was founded by Mystery himself. If I was lucky, he might even give me some advice!
Here's how an average member of Venusian introduced himself:
What a charming fellow. I emulated his attitude as best I could...
...then told the community what my goals were:
I have to admit that they're very supportive:
...although they're not the best at recognizing obvious sarcasm.
At any rate, I was officially a pickup artist in training, so let the training begin!
Girl Problems
Here's an example of the sort of tasteful dating problem that gets discussed at Venusian:
I don't even know how this guy gets out of bed in the morning with such a terrible burden hanging over him.
Some people advised him to not have sex with the girl so his "layhistory" would remain "classy," while others suggested he go for it because she would be lucky to enjoy the rare opportunity of sleeping with a man of his calibre. Yes, what a lucky lady.
So you can see that members of the Venusian forums give awful advice to even the most mundane problems. That got me wondering. How would they react to some... unique situations?
I began by asking for their advice with a girl problem:
Despite my repeated requests for aid, only one pickup artist stepped up to the challenge...
...and considering his advice was "sleep with her until she feels bad and dumps her boyfriend," maybe he should have stayed sitting down.
My early interactions were uninspiring, but I wanted to get the community's analysis of a "field report." Here's what a typical field report looks like:
I wish I had the spare time to spend eight hours a day studying douchebaggery.
And here was mine:
Their advice was so obvious I can't believe I didn't think of it myself:
Dick head Shakespeare! Of course!
Their advice was helpful. In fact, it was so helpful I ended up with a brand new problem:
This was the most difficult scenario I could throw at the community. They weren't up to the task.
I'm not sure how you "explain in a measured manner" to someone that you're cheating on them with half a dozen other women.
Conclusion
I would have more luck meeting girls if I became a hermit than if I listened to the seduction community. I'd get more women to sleep with me if I told them I was gay.
But maybe the fault lies with me. There has to be something to these techniques, or the community wouldn't have lasted as long as it has, right?
Maybe. Or maybe it's because people like Mystery can sell their methods on a 5 DVD set to lonely guys for 200 dollars.
For that price you could just get a decent hooker.
Or there's "Magic," who runs $2000 "boot camps" and $4500 one-on-one coaching sessions. It would be more accurate to call the seduction community an industry, and it's hard to tell what's sadder -- their attitude towards women, or the fact that they're profiting from it. Or that I just spent several hours browsing their websites when I could have been out meeting women.
Holy crap, Mark. You should supply a magnifying glass with this article. It's funny, but jeez, you make me work too hard to read it!
Keep up the good work sneaking into crazy communities and reporting to us. I had no idea this type of community even existed - and frankly, I'm getting the same vibe from it as I did when I heard night truckers through a CB radio for the first time.
If ever there was a community that needed mocking, it's the Pickup Artists, and if ever there was a hero to do it, it's Mark Hill.
My favorite flaw in those Emersons is how they call the rest of us AFCs - "Average Frustrated Chump", as they assume anyone who doesn't use their secret vagina unlock codes is unable to get laid. Which really says more about their lives than ours.
This article reminded me about that time I triedread heard someone talking about a scoring technique called "Speed Seduction". The idea was to go into a bar, and use the techniques to get laid as quickly as possible.
One of the many techniques that stuck out was, during conversation, using slightly modified phrases that would incite a sexual image into your soon to be lovers head. For instance, in a bar conversation, where you would normally say:
"I just feel that all of these arguments are below me."
Instead, say:
"I just feel that all of these arguments are blow me."
Watch his or her eyes as your saying this, and see if they flick down toward your no no area. If they do, the subject has sex on the mind.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to finish making a dinner that you would sell your shirt for. You take frozen steaks, they have to be rock hard. Then thrust them into a warm oven, and in minutes you'll have succulent, mouth watering meat!
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