Drinking games are the the best sport in the world. They combine training, competition and the celebrations in one step and everybody wins. The most effective and useful is the movie drinking game, which works with any number of people, any level of intelligence (which can change during the game), and guarantees fun in 90 minutes or less.
Unfortunately most of the drinking games found online aren't fun, they're undiagnosed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder pretending to party. Lunatic fans list every event in their favorite movie as a "rule", because nothing spells drinking spontaneity like three pages of close-typed text. They look like legal documents and are even less fun to read. They might as well say "Drink once at 0:01:23, twice at 0:01:56, once at at 0:01:59, pretend other people are with you."
That's why proper movie drinking games only have one rule. A big, stupid, general rule that happens a lot and can be shouted about. Which is why Team Drunk are going to enjoy three of the greatest, simplest drinking game movies in the world and rate them scientifically. Obviously such a sophisticated experiment requires careful and complex preparations.
Done.
A crate of beer can be a real fridge-space-killer, but luckily I have North America's largest refridgerator.
Leaving the crate on the balcony keeps it cool, not that it matters. With these movies I could be living in the Sahara and the drinks wouldn't have time to lose their condensation.
Movie 1: Evil Dead II & Army of Darkness
Evil Dead II is one of the funnest movies ever made, and what happens when you give a director a film budget instead of a time machine. Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell lived the dream of going back and re-enacting their childhoods without all the stupid mistakes. They looked at Evil Dead I and realised the only things they'd got right were Bruce Campbell and chainsaws.
And that's more than enough.
If your friends don't like Evil Deads II and III, find new friends. You'll thank us later.
The Rule: Drink every time Ash iShakespeare in the head.
What you might not remember is that Bruce Campbell takes more blows to the head in his movies than Rocky. He certainly doesn't remember, but that's because everything we know of anatomy and physics tells us his head should two-dimensional by now. He takes more shots to the head in 180 minutes than Mike Tyson allowed in an entire career.
If you think this hurt him, wait until you play the game
I'm amazed he can still walk, let alone act, but that might be because his entire mind was knocked out and now he just believes he is whatever the director tells him.
Which would explain a lot
I don't know what Bruce or skulls did to Sam Raimi, but he is out to destroy them. He lands more shots to the head than Modern Warfare 3. The only other cinematic event to hate heads so much had tank tracks at the start of Terminator.
That skull is how we felt the morning after playing
Drinkmograph
The original plan was to track exactly how many drinks we had, and their frequency, which is exactly the kind of stupid plan you make before you start drinking. As opposed to the much better stupid plans you make afterwards. We collected five minutes of data before collectively deciding the pen and paper could reproduce with themselves, partially because the concussive shots which were hammering into our livers like an earthquake. Which reminded me that humanity had already invented a measuring tool for this sort of disaster.
Behold, the the DRINKMOGRAPH!
Normally a graph like this means you're alive. Here it'll cause the opposite.
Drinking Game Rating
We rated the drinking game on Quantity, Frequency, Urinary (bladder breaks), and Talky.
Quantity: Klaatu Barada Nikto (unleashing evil)
You might have an entire scene without a single drink, then Bruce Campbell will impersonate a woodpecker using his forehead as a beak.
Frequency: Groovy
Surprisingly frequent, partially because of the Memento effect -- your memory is destroyed and you keep finding yourself going "What, again? GLUG." Luckily this loss of memory makes quoting the movie fun again.
Urinary: Memory-assisted
On the one hand, every scene is good and you won't want to miss anything. On the other, anyone who doesn't already know these movies deserves to miss good things, because their abdomen is in pain.
Talky: Quotastic
It's important that a drinking game movie can be talked over because it's the anti-cinema - during the party it's the one shouting "Shhhhh!" that's the Emerson. Luckily every scene is "Bruce Campbell vs. whatever else is in shot," and it's hard to talk over a man with a chainsaw.
Next: The Classic UK College Drinking Game!
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