Fratberry 283,052 53
01/17/2012 10:08 AM

Oh yeah, comedy board. Frost-ing POOP.

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/17/2012 10:09 AM

Me: God, why did you make me such a Poe?
God: Well I had to have something to Frost.

Midgets 96,156 48
01/17/2012 10:35 AM

How could an imaginary wizard make your head hurt?
What are you, Harry Frakin Potter?

Blame the likely scenarios.

Your mom smoked roofing tar well into the third trimester. The aliens placed your anal probe incorrectly and it's compressing a nerve. You were assaulted in the shower by your step father.

KChikita Banana Fairy Glitter Farts 128,451 98
01/17/2012 11:08 AM

Jayzus, Frat! :(

I have nothing funny to add here.

Redwing 3,887 30
01/17/2012 11:12 AM

I know someone that had the same symptoms as you, turned out she was allergic to cats. She gave her cat away and never had a problem again.

Declan's Garlic McManus Potatoes 131,891 36
01/17/2012 11:53 AM

Take a(nother) Klonopin and make with the upshutting?



OK, ok---I am slightly, if sincerely, sorry for the physical hell you're going through. Truly wish thsre was something useful I could say to all your conditions, beyond saying that you're a walking Merck Manual.


I happen to have a painful, painful (10+) molar on the lower right, but my dentist is in Chicago until Thursday.

Hoppy Gnu Ear Jeeni 47,815 51
01/17/2012 12:26 PM

Wow, is Redwing is on to something?

I hope you can get some relief. I can't even imagine.

Would weed help? I mean, I don't have any, but I'm just curious. These are desperate times, man.

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/17/2012 12:38 PM

As a matter of fact, weed will knock out a regular migraine relatively quickly. I don't know how it does on the atmospheric pressure migraine though. It's not really an option anymore anyway and it's been years since it was. Stupid laws.

The High Priestess 58,986 29
01/17/2012 12:42 PM

I'm gonna have to say no to an extra cat. I don't know how many you have right now, but I'm sure it's about 5 to many.

The High Priestess 58,986 29
01/17/2012 12:42 PM

Wow, I should read the thread.

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/17/2012 12:43 PM

The cats don't seem to be an issue. They may cause some of the headaches but I can get a migraine virtually anywhere. I definitely don't have a cat dander allergy. I may have built up an immunity to it after all these years.

The cats enjoy the weed too, by the way. And smoking catnip gives you a great high for about ten seconds and it burns your lungs like you wouldn't believe.

The High Priestess 58,986 29
01/17/2012 12:44 PM

If I didn't have to pee in a cup for a job in two days, I'd drive down to ATL and help you smoke your pains away.

Straw frozen, but not in carbonite 98,023 37
01/17/2012 01:35 PM

I think I've found the problem:



Get that removed and you should be right as rain.

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
01/17/2012 01:35 PM

Would weed help?


This reminds me of an old joke: during a play, one of the actors falls to the stage. An old Jewish lady in the balcony shouts out, "Give him some chicken soup!"

As the actors gather around the fallen trouper, the old lady again shouts out, "GIVE HIM SOME CHICKEN SOUP!!"

A stretcher is brought on stage and as they man is lifted onto it, the old lady shouts again, "GIVE HIM SOME CHICKEN SOUP!!".

One of the actors stands and shouts back at the old lady, "Lady! He's dead. It can't help."

"Can't hurt."

Drewcifer the Driving Cat 46,366 58
01/17/2012 01:39 PM

Dude, Frat...

You may find this hard to believe, but I too suffer from a few neurological impairments, including a proclivity to migraines. And yes, this Frosted up weather pattern we've had since late November has been wreaking havoc with said conditions. I feel your pain. Weed does help. I happen to know a guy on the opposite end of Atlanta who would be happy to help you out.

Straw frozen, but not in carbonite 98,023 37
01/17/2012 01:42 PM

I'm thinking it might not be an option for him because of random drug tests?

I was going to make a joke about regretting those horn implants, but after googling some images of horn implants I was too traumatized to follow through with it.

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
01/17/2012 01:43 PM

What I meant to say was, I think god is doing this to you because of you being the funniest one here. (I know Chickens has the most orbs, but look at the orb/post ratio.)

If god didn't do something to make your life a little more miserable, you'd be insufferable, stomping around in big boots, thumbs in your suspenders, all "I'm the funniest and healthiest one here!"

So, my advice is to stop posting this month* and start orbing me so I can get another one of the those Funniest of the Month medallions. You'll feel better immediately.


* You're gonna need to punch JackyDrew in the gut, too.

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/17/2012 04:40 PM

No drug testing here. Probably never will be either. I work at a University in the IT department. Even if they did do testing they'd probably be smart enough to skip us.

Barney already in use 2,612 19
01/17/2012 04:43 PM

No drug testing here. Probably never will be either. I work at a University in the IT department. Even if they did do testing they'd probably be smart enough to skip us.



If you passed the drug screening they would just fire you because they know you cheated on it.

Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
01/17/2012 06:30 PM

Topamax. It saved my life.

I have also heard of people getting permanent disability due to migraines. So you could always look into that... Free money for life!

Thud 68,525 19
01/17/2012 06:45 PM

Fentanyl. Won't solve the underlying condition, but you may not care as much. Try to get the patches. Place them where drool won't make them fall off.

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/17/2012 06:58 PM

I suffer from kidney stones. Topamax made more. And bigger. Passed a 6mm stone (that's right, bitches) but had to get two 7.5mm stones blasted. Oops. Heh, that's how 2010 started basically, ending the year with nearly dying from the embolisms.

Through it all one thing has remained consistent. These God Damned migraines.

Somebody kill me. Kill me now. Righ

Thud 68,525 19
01/17/2012 07:01 PM

Right on, Frat. I passed a 6 last year and a 7.5 the year before (along with various little ones). Have you considered sending them to KChicki to see if she could make some jewelry?

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/17/2012 07:19 PM

Yeah, like I keep a collection of all the stones I've ever passed.

Just most of 'em.

Yes.

SIV the Hippie Lumberjack 13,642 16
01/18/2012 12:11 AM

My mom was on something last year that caused kidney stones. She found that Alka-Seltzer made them easyer to pass. It supposedly makes them squishy or something.

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/18/2012 02:46 PM

If the doctors told me today that the only way to get rid of the migraines was to perform a frontal lobotomy I think I'd take them up on it. I might actually still be able to do my job. :)

Yes, I have one again today. Do you guys think it would be productive if I tried scooping one of my eyes out with a spoon?

KChiki - Techno Geek Nerd Princess 128,451 98
01/18/2012 03:38 PM

I'm pretty sure I could make you a lovely pair of earrings with an even number of kidney stones. A necklace maybe if you have enough.

KChiki - Techno Geek Nerd Princess 128,451 98
01/18/2012 03:39 PM

You could wear it as a warning to all your other ailments.

"SEE THESE?! Frost WITH ME NOW!"

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/19/2012 10:01 AM

I'd just like to say that I STILL HAVE THIS Frost-ing THING. That is all.

Chickens goes down with the ship 286,647 61
01/19/2012 12:42 PM

WOULD ALL OF US TALKING LOUDER HELP AT ALL?

WalrusBreath 71 4
01/19/2012 01:05 PM

Two Advil and a very cold Coke can sometimes help me with migraines, if I catch them early enough. Else 12 Advil, a six pack of cold Coke, a dark room, absolute quiet, an icy washcloth for my forehead, and a nice, violent upchuck are all that will fix it.

Good luck Frat.

Pram 80,728 42
01/19/2012 01:38 PM

Sorry to hear it, Frat.

If you want, we can trade! I'd rather have migraine headaches than a colon that either squirts out soft serve or bricks depending on my stress level.

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/19/2012 05:51 PM

Five straight days of a migraine and six of the last seven days. Including the thunderclap headaches which strike without warning. Those are really cool in a meeting when you're sitting there with your glasses off, hands covering your head, someone is talking and out of Frost-ing nowhere comes David Hasselhoff this shriek like the chair just electrocuted me.

And somehow I've managed to be even funnier. If I win this month Jeff had better send me something illegal for my suffering for the art of comedy. Oh what a load of crap that was.

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/19/2012 06:02 PM

While I'm wigging out, yo, check this. 1995. Hey, take a photo of me with my hands like this because that'll look cool. I still have that sweater. Sadly I no longer have the saddle oxfords. Yeah, yeah, I know... "Sadly???" Jebus, I weigh about 100 pounds more now. Being poor had it's advantages.

Millie 116,989 28
01/19/2012 06:53 PM

You know, you create a no-win situation for me. If I laugh at your post, I'm laughing at a grown man crying because he's suffering. If I tell you that your post is Frost-ing depressing, I'm mean and unsympathetic.

So Frost you!

Oh, and I don't have time to read the whole thread. Sorry about your migraines--used to get them that lasted for weeks in my 20s but don't get them very often now.

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/19/2012 07:32 PM

You can laugh and say "Frost you" at the same time, you know. Make an effort woman!

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/19/2012 07:35 PM

Millie, I think my migraines wouldn't be so bad if you would just start posting more.

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
01/20/2012 12:27 AM

I don't know if you're just teasing us or not, but if you got a stone, I'm bidding.

$20

Straw frozen, but not in carbonite 98,023 37
01/20/2012 01:28 PM

If you want, we can trade! I'd rather have migraine headaches than a colon that either squirts out soft serve or bricks depending on my stress level.

Best remake of Freaky Friday EVARRR!!!!!

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/20/2012 04:49 PM

Seven days in a row. I wonder if something might be wrong. Heh.

35 yr old Panda with old eggs 181,795 70
01/20/2012 05:39 PM

Frat, do you drink diet soda? I've cut my migraines by 75% by eliminating diet soda entirely. And by 75% I mean "a lot" because Frost real math.

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
01/20/2012 05:54 PM

I'm serious about that bid, Frat. I will pay cash for any calcified object that comes out of your ass.

Midgets 96,156 48
01/20/2012 06:10 PM

If Frat has kidney stones coming out of his ass I believe I've discovered at least one of his problems.

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/21/2012 12:47 AM

Frat, do you drink diet soda?

Nope. Any artificial sweeteners will trigger an almost instant migraine. I have to check everything carefully. For example, Splenda is an artificial sweetener and if a product uses the name brand the logo will appear on the container. If they use the generic version, sucralose, they don't have to list it anywhere except in the ingredient list.

There's a whole list of crap I can't drink or eat and the list seems to be getting longer and longer and longer and longBLAM

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
01/21/2012 01:46 PM

If Frat has kidney stones coming out of his ass I believe I've discovered at least one of his problems.


I just looked up kidney stones, and based upon where they actually come out, I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to afford them.

Drewcifer 46,366 58
01/21/2012 04:06 PM

Have you seen the 5-day weather forecast, Frat?

That offer still stands.

KChiki - Techno Geek Nerd Princess 128,451 98
01/22/2012 07:42 PM

Sucralose also triggers migraines for me too! I can't eat or drink anything that uses it.

::fist bump::

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
01/23/2012 12:56 AM

Sucralose gives me wood.

Midgets 96,156 48
01/24/2012 05:26 AM

Tonite I took care of a morbidly obese man.

He had no penis.
I'm not talking "so small you couldn't see it".

He. Had. NO. Penis.
He looked like a woman when he peed.

This just seemed like a good thread to share this information.
Carry on, hope the headaches are better.

Ebenezer Ravos 63,472 21
01/24/2012 08:06 AM

I take it you inspected thoroughly?

Chickens goes down with the ship 286,647 61
01/24/2012 09:12 AM

The internet has ruined Hen's whole family for self-diagnosis. Hen had a real bitch of a virus recently, went online, shared the results with the mother, who promptly printed it out and went to her own doctor because she has self diagnosed herself with the same.

Hypochondriacs unite!

*this in no way means Frat is a hypochondriac. I'm firmly convince it's probably a tumor. GOT YOUR BACK, MAN!.

Midgets 96,156 48
01/24/2012 10:00 AM

I take it you inspected thoroughly?

Hell yes I did!
Under guise of a "Skin Assessment" I checked that Shakespeare out! Who knows when I'd ever see something like it again!

See what this place has done to me?

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/29/2012 05:03 PM

Day 15 of Fratberry's Migraine Hootenanny!

Friday afternoon, migraine firmly in my head, I went to see my Chiropractor to give him a shot at knocking it out. After about a half hour he said "Frost it, go home, take some drugs and knock yourself out." He apologized for not being able to help me and said he wasn't even going to charge me. What a mensch. Yes, he's Jewish.

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
01/29/2012 05:22 PM

Have you tried tennis ball?

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
01/29/2012 05:23 PM

See what this place has done to me?

Evidently not enough since you didn't manage to get pictures.

Midgets 96,156 48
01/29/2012 07:32 PM

Who said I didn't?

Get HIPAA repealed and I may share.

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/29/2012 07:42 PM

Have you tried tennis ball?

They're really hard to peel.

Abominable TWSS 27,416 24
01/29/2012 11:18 PM

I saw a commercial today promoting a website about Chronic Migraines. It was the first time I had ever seen the commercial or heard of the site, but it seemed non-coincidental to all Excedrin being recalled.

This felt almost relevant to this thread. Carry on.

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/29/2012 11:33 PM

The really Shakespearety thing about going to a migraine "specialist" is that all of them are in Atlanta and I just don't have enough sick/vacation time built up at work right now to get to one. Not that I believe anyone can do anything about it. Everyone has said basically the same thing as the Chiropractor.

I know I don't want to live like this but I don't know what else to do at this point. I just feel like I'm in hell right now. I've never had an outbreak like this in my life. I'm doing everything I know to do but nothing is working. I've even come off of some of my medications hoping that would help and no difference at all.

I'm sorry. I'll stop talking about it. I know I'm once again being a whiny bitch and this is a comedy site.

Poop.

Declan's Garlic McManus Potatoes 131,891 36
01/30/2012 12:15 AM

I just don't have enough sick/vacation time. . .

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
01/30/2012 12:27 AM

Have you have had your underwear sized lately?

Chickens goes down with the ship 286,647 61
01/30/2012 05:50 PM

You're not dead yet?

Millie 116,989 28
01/30/2012 05:55 PM

I had a migraine from Thursday through Saturday. It kind of went away Saturday around noon, but I had a customer at about one and I was really dizzy and couldn't see well. I think she thought I was drunk, but I managed to price out her kitchen. Then, even though my price was over 10% less than the quote she brought in, she said she would have to think about it and ran out.

I think it's because I said I hardly get migraines anymore that I got one. I still feel it lurking there, ready to come back.

Fratberry 283,052 53
01/30/2012 06:16 PM

Holy Jebus I've posted 169 times this month. My pain is your comedy gain (or something like that). Millie, I know the feeling. It's like the monster in the closet waiting to come out flamboyantly. And not like Panda's giant black Coleridge.