Happy Wednesday, lazy humans, and welcome to the time of the week when office boneheads insist on popping into your cubicle to wish you a happy Hump Day.
These are, of course, the same people who get on the elevator and say, "What is this, the local?" when it stops at every floor. Also, the same folks who have to comment on the weather, even though it is obviously "hot enough for you" if you're visibly sweating through your shirt or cold enough for you if you're pelting them with icy snowballs because shut up, shut up, oh my God in heaven, please shut up.
These people must be stopped, is what we're saying. But because dealing with them has really taken all the starch out of your collar, etc., we have compiled a list of pranks so effortless, you can do them while sitting, fuming, at your very own desk.
Mac Users Must Pay
Honesty compels us to admit that this first prank will require you to at least lean over to your coworker's desk and hit three keys. That's why we put it first on the list: We wanted to get to you before your long day of reading the internet wore you right down to a cinder.
If you can summon the energy, though, this one is worth it. For a measly three key punches, you can totally freak out your Mac-using coworker by making his computer appear possessed. Bonus points if you say, in response to his tantrum, "I don't know. I guess it finally got a virus."
The Facebook Facebreaking Prank
Otherwise known as "Facebook Photo Hunt," this prank is beautiful in its subtlety. You can pretty much pull this on anyone you're connected to on Facebook, but at this time of year, we'd especially like to remind you of how easy it is to alter pictures from the company holiday party.
Which would you rather do? Finish that report, or Photoshop bush babies into your friends' vacation photos?
This Photo Restricted by Your Workplace
Facebook lends itself to these kinds of lazy workplace pranks. They couldn't be easier: For one thing, you're probably already logged in on another tab, as we speak.
This prank is a variation on that "Facebook Gold" thing your Mom keeps sending you, in between email warnings about tampons and fake anecdotes featuring Obama's wedding ring and Ramadan. This prank gets extra points for requiring minimum effort and having the potential to freak out not only your coworkers, but all of your Facebook friends who still have jobs. (So, like, three of them, as of this writing.)
World's Worst Cover Letter: A Free Downloadable Prank for the Frustrated Job Seeker
And speaking of not having a job, what if you're among the unemployed? You can't very well prank your coworkers when you don't have any coworkers, can you?
Fear not. Career counselors are always telling us that looking for a job is a full-time job. And if your job is looking for a job, the whole world is your company. Which means that you can go right ahead and work that pranking magic on prospective employers.
Just don't tell the Unemployment Office we said so.
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