Midgets 96,156 48
02/06/2012 12:07 AM

No trip to LA is complete without participating in a drive by.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/06/2012 12:42 AM

I hear Shreveport is nice.

Straw frozen, but not in carbonite 98,023 37
02/06/2012 12:45 AM

Go to Rodeo Drive and re-enact this scene:

Abominable TWSS 27,416 24
02/06/2012 01:15 AM

Freak out every time you feel the smallest "tremor" in the erf. See how many people you can spread your panic too. Maybe you'll get a flat screen out of it!!

Drewcifer Sometimes 46,380 58
02/06/2012 01:29 AM

It's too bad you can't get down to San Diego for an afternoon. I myself am a San Diego native. I left the left coast back in the mid '80's as a pre-teen, and haven't had an excuse to go back and visit since.

If I were currently in L.A., I would find any means necessary to get down to San Diego (which is a far superior city to Los Angeles in every single way), just to hunt down Bill the Squirrel, and take a look at the massive vagina he grew in the last six months. Then I'd make him take me to Sea World.

Jelly tipped Neep: Open other end. 35,066 15
02/06/2012 03:09 AM

Bike from Santa Monica to Venice. Go to Abbot's Pizza on Abbot Kinney Boulevard. Stuff your face like a Kiwi who has never had American style pizza before.

Make sure to try a big greasy meaty slice then a salad slice. Bagel base with pesto, avocado, lettuce, feta...

I had 4 days in L.A. on my way to London last February. I did a 35 mile bike ride from Hollywood through Beverly Hills, Santa Monica, Venice Beach and back... after not biking since I was a kid. Thought my crotch was going to drop off but loved every second. There is an amazing yarn store in Burbank, but I assume you don't knit. Major side eye. Also... a shop full of every brand of root beer ever! We get one brand here, if we go hunting for it in speciality import stores.

I'm assuming it won't be as different for a North American as for a Kiwi... Walking through downtown L.A. was more of a culture shock than the non-English speaking countries I have been to. Also, in their "drug stores" along side their medicines, cosmetics and health food they also have tobacco, junk food and vodka. And they sell spirits in the supermarket with the wine and beer! Like, a couple of bucks a gallon. Mind blown.

You could also go to the Huntington art gallery and gardens and giggle when you recognise different planets from Star Trek. Also, the Japanese garden at the Tillman water reclamation plant (I don't get it either). Starfleet Academy!

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
02/06/2012 08:06 AM

Bike from Santa Monica to San Diego, park your bike in Bill the Squirrel's massive vagina, fly back using your special powers, and then visit that kick-ass yarn store.

Also, go to Grauman's Chinese Theatre, melt the cement with your laser vision, and leave five impressions.

Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
02/06/2012 09:54 AM

I heard about a company that gave tours through South-Central. That probably is a safe, company expensable activity.

Note: You might opt out of a window seat on the tour bus, make sure your seat mate has that "human shield" look to him.

The Lovely Daggy! 86,705 14
02/06/2012 10:19 AM

Things to do in America. Get out! Go to Australia. Seriously...... stuff is awesome here!

Manhole 21,658 29
02/06/2012 10:44 AM

4. Sit in hotel room by self, drink heavily, and wonder "is that a heavily-armed street gang?" every time I hear a noise.

That's pretty much all I do when I go to LA. The Holiday Inn by the airport has a 7-11 right by it that you can make hourly beer runs to. And there's a Steak & Ale across the street in case 7-11 runs out.

Brubert 771 11
02/06/2012 01:07 PM

Go to The Price is Right and win a prize!!

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
02/06/2012 01:28 PM

I've been to LA; I went with my two older kids when they were 11 & 13. A cable talk show featured us on an episode about older child adoption. We had a limo to drive us around where ever we wanted to go, so we went by and looked up at the Hollywood sign and stopped at McDonald's. So, yeah, I can recommend those two places.

Later that night, we became bored, so I took my kiddos on a walk down the road from the hotel, to see the sights.

Unfortunately, my daughter spotted a bookstore and started squealing about how we had to go inside before I realized it was a gay bookstore. A gay bookstore with a huge crystal phallus right inside the door.*

I then had to drag my children down the road, back to the hotel, as my daughter was now freaking out about why I wouldn't let her look at any of the stuff for sale.

Beware the bookstore, Bob. Go ahead and stay in your room. Things are definitely dangerous out on the streets.


*This was the only gay bookstore I've ever been in, so I dunno, maybe they all have huge crystal Coleridges in the entryway. I don't have any need to know any different.

dinesh 24,862 16
02/06/2012 03:42 PM

go to a poker room and test your skill. commerce, bike, or hustler.

Chit 178,781 15
02/06/2012 05:28 PM

As I recall, Santa Monica is a pretty cool place for home base. I haven't been down there in a few years... but here is what I remember.

Venice beach is always a freak show. (in a good way...sort of)

The Comedy Store on Sunset blvd. is always fun to go check out comedians. Regardless of who is supposed to be headlining that night, you never know who might come in and work on new material. I've seen some pretty big (washed up) names walk in and do a set. Andrew Dice Clay, Louis Anderson, JJ Walker...

Check out what is going on at the UCB Theater too. (Upright Citizens Brigade) Could be anything on any given night, but some funny Shakespeare usually.

We used to go hang out in Hermosa beach sometimes too, but that's better in the day time when you can ogle bikini chicks on the strand. (like a boardwalk or promenade) I think there is also a small "comedy and magic" club there. Why the magic? I don't know.

They have a pretty big Japan town if you dig Japanese food. Some of the best sushi I've ever had, and we have damn good sushi here in San Francisco.

If you are lucky Randall Cleveland (syncope) will happen in here and amend my list. He spent a few years living down there and I'm sure knows his way around a lot better than I do.

Oh yea.... Syncope used to rave about the All You Can Eat Korean BBQ. If you never have had Korean BBQ, I'd check it out.

Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
02/06/2012 06:13 PM

I also lived in LA for a couple years. Here is my advice: There is a place full of very scary people dressed like ducks, dogs, princesses and things. They are scary and to be screamed at. If you poop your pants, your mom will change your them.

I should mention, I moved away when I was 2. The experience may be slightly different for an adult, though maybe not for a Canadian.

Thud 68,525 19
02/06/2012 06:24 PM

I second Chit's recommendation for Korean BBQ. It's an experience that should not be missed.

If you spend any time around locals make sure to talk about how much better you think northern California is, especially The People's Republic of Berkeley and the Mendo area. You must be willing to stand up for your opinion so try to memorize the location of the nearest police department substation.

Remember, in California we call 911 at least twenty minutes before any emergency. Thirty minutes ahead if you would like to talk to someone.

SIV the Hippie Lumberjack 13,645 16
02/06/2012 06:27 PM

I hear there is a lovely neighborhood called Compton that is very excepting of white people. I also hear they think police uniforms are extremely fashionable.

Drewcifer Sometimes 46,380 58
02/06/2012 06:51 PM

Whatever you do, don't cross the border into Arizona. They're pretty racist when it comes to illegal Canadians coming in and taking their jerbs.

Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
02/06/2012 06:55 PM

...will change your them.

I really should proof read before I hit submit. I blame my 9 month old who keeps distracting me from the computer. Freaking kids.

Redwing 3,887 30
02/06/2012 08:00 PM

Don't worry about Arizona, even the most racist Arizonans love Canadians. We know you all got money so you're welcome here anytime. In fact, Arizonans love Canada so much we let you dump the Loseapeg Jets on us. But if you got the time to cross the border into Arizona then you have the time to go to San Diego/Tijuana. Hell, get some 'cid and go to Disneyland if you can.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,048 22
02/07/2012 05:02 PM

The Comedy Store looks pretty awesome. I just hope they enforce a separate two-drink minimum for each of the 14 sets.

Dasypygal 14,815 17
02/07/2012 07:01 PM

Beware of Arizona.

(Matt Smith)

Just sayin'

Fratberry 283,059 53
02/07/2012 08:51 PM

I instinctively thought you were headed to Lower Alabama. If that had been the case I could have told you of a number of places to get awesome seafood. And diseases. Sometimes both at the same time.

Drewcifer Sometimes 46,380 58
02/08/2012 10:47 PM

I just want to apologize to Redwing, and all other Arizonian Livers for claiming that you all hate Canadians. I was mistaken. I had confused Canadians for Hawaiians.



I apologize for my error.

Manhole 21,658 29
02/08/2012 10:52 PM

White Lady: I don't care if you have a big penis...

Obama: Awww C'Mon mannnn.....

Drewcifer Sometimes 46,380 58
02/08/2012 11:16 PM

How does that keep happening?

Frogpop 173,153 25
02/08/2012 11:40 PM

User error mostly.

Thud 68,525 19
02/08/2012 11:47 PM

I prefer the term "operator head space".

Pubah... 56,858 18
02/09/2012 06:58 AM

-Ride the rides at Santa Monica Pier
-Stroll the boardwalk and watch all the 'beautiful people' try to out beautiful each other
-Spend an hour or two on the Santa Monica Parking Lot (otherwise known as the '405') and wonder how stupid does one have to be to do this every day
THEN go back to your room and get drunk...sleep, work and repeat as necessary