Drewcifer Never 46,380 58
02/19/2012 09:31 PM

I wish someone would draw me a fish.

Midgets 96,156 48
02/19/2012 10:12 PM

Not mine, but surely a Zug fish.

Cruz. Limited Est. 1985 9,993 12
02/20/2012 06:43 AM

How about hunt you like a Quayle?

Dogs Akimbo 211,630 32
02/20/2012 09:56 AM

why bring the poor dogs into the discussion? What did they ever do?

Okay, I'm gonna stop calling you JackyDrew now.

KatDawg 10,055 11
02/20/2012 12:39 PM

I hate it when one of my girlfriends refer to men as dogs. Dogs are sweet, loving, and loyal. Men are toads.

Chickens don't usually get this old 286,651 61
02/20/2012 12:59 PM

Women don't seem to like it when we refer to them as female dogs either.

Chickens don't usually get this old 286,651 61
02/20/2012 01:00 PM

The only B word you should call a woman is Beautiful.

Bitches loved being called beautiful.





*ducks thrown high heel shoe*

That better not have been Pram.

35 yr old Panda with old eggs 181,795 70
02/20/2012 01:06 PM

I hate it when one of my girlfriends refer to men as dogs. Dogs are sweet, loving, and loyal. Men are toads.

This probably has something to do with the fact that men dogs will hump almost anything and pee outside every chance they get.

Chickens don't usually get this old 286,651 61
02/20/2012 01:08 PM

See? Panda understands.

Closet Friend 7,665 11
02/20/2012 01:50 PM

This is confusing. Should I pee in a woman's hands or her bush?

Drewcifer Never 46,380 58
02/20/2012 07:40 PM

I'm disappointed in you guys. I thought for sure several of you would have had some sort death threat experience to share. Giving or receiving. No one? Pram? Lobster? Panda? Really?

Lorenzo Duke 3,183 11
02/20/2012 09:16 PM

I will hunt you down and cause you a pain so emotionally scarring, unjust and merciless you'll feel the burning spasmodic, soul crushing agony of a college student who asked a reasonable question at a free forum in a democratic society.

"Please...Don't threaten me bro!"

HighSoci 30,109 18
02/20/2012 09:24 PM

I receive at least three death threats a week. Multiplied by 7 years.... hmmm.... that's 546 un-carried out death threats that I have received and none have been carried out. I guess they are waiting to make parole.

Thud 68,525 19
02/20/2012 10:41 PM

Math isn't your forte, is it?

Midgets 96,156 48
02/20/2012 10:48 PM

Do you think he'd be a cop if he'd finished school?

Pudding Pops's Ghost 1,379 9
02/21/2012 12:29 AM

When I was ten, this girl that my mom always made me hang out with because she was friends with her mom told me that everyone has a keyhole inside their throats that can turn their lives on or off. She said she had the key to mine and she knew how to get it into the keyhole if she wanted to.


I hate kids.

Dasypygal 14,815 17
02/21/2012 01:47 AM

I receive at least three death threats a week. Multiplied by 7 years.... hmmm.... that's 546 un-carried out death threats that I have received and none have been carried out. I guess they are waiting to make parole.


Your comment would have been so much funnier if you left off the 'le' in parole...

BOOM!

Dasypygal 14,815 17
02/21/2012 02:03 AM

I don't get as many death threats from folks as I do the following exchange:

Cranky Folks: I'll have your job, goddammit!

Me: Please, take my job. I gift you my job. Perhaps it will force me to do something more pleasant.

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
02/21/2012 09:26 AM

I've never had a death threat unless you count being shot at.

The Lobster. 18,572 33
02/21/2012 10:01 AM

My death threat story is so deliciously white trash. I'm sure none of you want to hear it, though, so I'll skulk off to the corner.

HighSoci 30,109 18
02/21/2012 10:21 AM

Math isn't your forte, is it?


No, but these would be......

Fratberry 283,059 53
02/21/2012 10:46 AM

If someone threatened to kill me I'd say "well it's about damn time."

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/21/2012 11:29 AM

Surprisingly, no one has ever threatened to kill me.

Drewcifer Never 46,380 58
02/21/2012 02:34 PM

That does surprise me.

Drewcifer Never 46,380 58
02/21/2012 02:40 PM

My death threat story is so deliciously white trash. I'm sure none of you want to hear it, though, so I'll skulk off to the corner.

Lobster, I am begging you. I will SYMT if you would please share your deliciously white trash death threat tale. I'm really hoping for something to recreate and take to Jerry Springer.

Pram 80,728 42
02/21/2012 02:50 PM

I'm disappointed in you guys. I thought for sure several of you would have had some sort death threat experience to share. Giving or receiving. No one? Pram? Lobster? Panda? Really?

The only death threats I ever got were from people who were suicidal.

The only death threats I ever gave were to people who were suicidal.

I'm not sure if they killed themselves or I scared them to death.

Suzy Creamcheese 3,009 9
02/21/2012 02:52 PM

No one has ever threatened my life, but I used to chase my little sister around with a butcher knife. I've mellowed out since.

The Lobster. 18,572 33
02/21/2012 02:59 PM

I had dated this guy for about 3 months when I found out I was pregnant. He insisted I have an abortion because if I kept it he would not stick around to raise it. I refused the abortion and left him.

About 3 months later, after stalking me, calling all his and my friends to tell them what a horrible person I was, leaving nasty notes on my MySpace and Facebook pages, basically making my life a living hell, he decided to pull up in my driveway and be the hero or whatever. That I would forget all the nasty things he said and did and all would be forgiven and he would be my knight in shining armor come to rescue me from my destitute situation.

I greeted him at the cattle gate with a shotgun pointed at his brand new truck and my cell phone with the sheriff's office on the line.

I gave him to the count of 3 to get back in his truck and drive off, or he wasn't going nowhere until the sheriff arrived. And if he refused to stop walking toward me there would be a hole in his radiator and his kneecap.

I told him he was dead to me, and that I already called his momma and told her all the things he'd said and done, and I printed out the messages from Myspace and Facebook if he tried to take me to court.

He got in his truck and left, but I swear to god I'd have killed him on the spot if he took another step toward me and because of the backward laws in Texas I'd have been acquitted.

The Lobster. 18,572 33
02/21/2012 03:02 PM

On with the boobyshowing. Email in profile if you're shy or whatever.

Drewcifer Never 46,380 58
02/21/2012 03:03 PM

I had no idea Nutbutter was such a dick in real life.

Pram 80,728 42
02/21/2012 03:04 PM

I used to chase my little sister around with a butcher knife. I've mellowed out since.

What a coincidence, my little sister used to chase me around with a butcher knife!

Fratberry 283,059 53
02/21/2012 03:23 PM

Have I ever seen Lobster's boobs?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/21/2012 04:01 PM

Who hasn't seen her boobs?

Fratberry 283,059 53
02/21/2012 04:16 PM

I was totally going to spoof you to say that you either had seen everyone's boobs or that everyone else had seen hers but it was just too obvious of a joke (and I got tired). That, and I figured you'd chime in eventually anyway.

Fratberry 283,059 53
02/21/2012 04:16 PM

email in profile

Brad Poynter 36,184 48
02/21/2012 04:25 PM

How to Boobjack a thread on Zug.

1. Mention boobs

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/21/2012 04:27 PM

For being considered one of the biggest Emersons on GAB, I really have seen a lot of boobs.

Fratberry 283,059 53
02/21/2012 05:09 PM

You put that on your resume fresh out of law school, didja?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/21/2012 05:13 PM

Damn right.

KChiki - Techno Geek Nerd Princess 128,455 98
02/21/2012 05:37 PM

I am proud to say that almost no one has seen my boobs.

KChiki - Techno Geek Nerd Princess 128,455 98
02/21/2012 05:38 PM

You know, since not that many people own high-powered microscopic equipment.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/21/2012 05:46 PM

I have not seen KChiki's boobs...yet.

Pram 80,728 42
02/21/2012 05:59 PM

To see Kchiki's boobs, you have to guess the secret woid.

Barney is not Brad 2,612 19
02/21/2012 06:13 PM

Surprisingly, no one has ever threatened to kill me.



I'm guessing that they dont want you dead....Just in a lot of pain.

Barney is not Brad 2,612 19
02/21/2012 06:13 PM

Surprisingly, no one has ever threatened to kill me.



I'm guessing that they dont want you dead....Just in a lot of pain.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/21/2012 06:32 PM

I don't think that's it.

Pram 80,728 42
02/21/2012 07:04 PM

This is more like a Zug fish. Note the pink eye, which could have many causes- but which is most likely from semen irritation.

Shelle 77,143 25
02/22/2012 02:13 PM

I recently had a PTA parent who was helping out at school take my eleven year-old daughter aside and tell her that she needed to wear looser shirts because she was more developed than all of the other girls. She wears Aeropostale t-shirts and hoodies, just like everyone else.

I told her that if she ever spoke to my child again, I would kill her. Of course I wouldn't do that, but I wouldn't feel too bad about giving her a fat lip and a limp for a few days.

I did make her cry though. It was awesome.

Declan's Garlic McManus Potatoes 131,891 36
02/22/2012 05:11 PM

Merciful Heavens!


There is NO need whatsoever for death threats. If some people get one, they ignore it. Some people laugh at them. A few people make sure there's a witness and call their Legal Services Provider.


No.


The best of the best is to simply! say "I hope that you get everything you deserve," in a neutral sort of voice.


If the twatFrostwaffle has a guilty conscience toward you, saying "I hope you get everything you deserve," will be more than plenty.

Chopped liver and Beans 8,607 19
02/22/2012 05:23 PM

This probably has something to do with the fact that men dogs will hump almost anything and pee outside every chance they get.

Word

Barney is not Brad 2,612 19
02/22/2012 05:33 PM

The best death threats are the improbable ones.




Boy I'm going to rip your head off and Shakespeare in your neck!

Shelle 77,143 25
02/22/2012 05:41 PM

If the twatFrostwaffle has a guilty conscience toward you, saying "I hope you get everything you deserve," will be more than plenty.

True, but sometimes you just can't help wanting to move the process of them getting everything they deserve along.

Pram 80,728 42
02/22/2012 06:06 PM

I told her that if she ever spoke to my child again, I would kill her.

You would kill your child? How does that help anything?

Thud 68,525 19
02/22/2012 07:11 PM

I told her that if she ever spoke to my child again, I would kill her. Of course I wouldn't do that, but I wouldn't feel too bad about giving her a fat lip and a limp for a few days.

Now I know I want to hang out with Shelle.

The Laziest Ravos 63,472 21
02/23/2012 03:26 AM

I greeted him at the cattle gate with a shotgun pointed at his brand new truck and my cell phone with the sheriff's office on the line.


They let you out of the barn to graze, did they?