My fave tidbit by Mr. Handy is the one where he was taking his nephew to Disney World, and they passed by some old, burnt out place. So he said, "Oh, Disney must have burnt down." and turned around and drove home while the kid started bawling.

The way he does it is way funnier. But I can't remember it verbatim. So....

Once i told my nephew i was going to drive him to disney world, but instead i drove him to this burnt down warehouse, and said, "i guess disney burned down." He cried and cried. I started to take him to the real disney, then, but it was getting late

I always laugh at this one:

"Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out."

and this one:

"I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."

Or

"here's a tip for all you mad scientist: for all those brains in jars, add a slice of lemon for freshness"

"Im in to astronomy, so I put in a skylight. The people who live above are furious."

thanks wako... tee hee

"Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer."

No prob. I always said i'd do anything for sex.

If trees could scream, would we be so quick to cut them down? Well, maybe, if they just screamed all the time for no good reason.

"Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like."

i started to get confusticated for a moment, there, wondering where sex came into it...























and then i remembered my name.

and the senility sets in....

it's ok, i don't mind. I never mind when head is involved.

mind? what mind? are you accusing me of having a brain?

thou vile scoundrel?

I relent, i relent!! Kindly remove your pincers from my nipples.

so sorry.

but i am a cancer, after all.

Really? i thought you were the cyst...ok, who's the cyst?

find a nice compilation here for those unfamiliar

where's that damn useful clickie when you need it?

the cyst went to bed.

tired.

you know, normally i hate that damn cyst, but he looks so innocent in his sleep