The Credit Card Prank II
A comedy article
by John Hargrave  115,416  15
01/18/2005 05:46 PM 687 views
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Sadly, this is my real signature.
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A few years back, it struck me that cashiers no longer checked to make sure your signature matched the one on your credit card. So what was the point in signing your own name? I pulled a little stunt where I signed my credit card receipts with wacky signatures, trying to see how far I could take it. The answer: pretty far.
"The Credit Card Prank" took on a life of its own, vaulting ZUG into the national consciousness. Since then, some thirty million people have read that article -- some of them, it turns out, from the credit card companies themselves. I know this for a fact, since one of these companies (which must remain nameless, as I don't want to destroy my credit rating) actually approached me about using my article for one of their internal newsletters.
Surely, then, the credit card companies must have learned their lesson. Right?
EXPERIMENT 1.
I was visiting the New England Aquarium a few months back, where I was angry over the ridiculously steep entrance fees to go check out a bunch of fish. I can check out the fish for free at my local supermarket, where they are conveniently packed on ice, making them much easier to see than when they are hiding behind coral and rocks.
The only way I could think to fight back at the $40 admission charge was to sign my credit card receipt "Shamu."
Now, someone should have caught this. First of all, everyone knows that Shamu works at Sea World. Second, how could Shamu accurately render a scale drawing of himself? That kind of penmanship would be unlikely from a creature using only its vestigal fins.
And that's when I realized that nothing had changed. The credit card companies still didn't care. Maybe I hadn't gone far enough to prove my point. Maybe, just maybe, I could make them care.
EXPERIMENT 2.
Since my original article, the credit card landscape has changed. Everyone accepts credit cards nowadays -- even fast food chains. I ordered breakfast at a local Dunkin Donuts, which I paid by credit card. Thinking about how Shamu easily slipped into a competitor's aquarium, I wondered what would happen if I signed, clearly and legibly, the name of a competitor's franchise.
The college girl working the register didn't even give it a second glance. Her expression, you might say, was glazed. Which leads you to wonder if they deep-fry everything in hot grease, including the employees.
That gave me another idea.
EXPERIMENT 3.
I visited a local Krispy Kreme, where I brought along my digital camera. Surely if I were snapping photos of the receipt on the counter, this would inspire the cashier to at least glance at the receipt.
After I signed it, she grabbed for the receipt, but I asked her to wait as I took a few shots of the receipt...
Then the register itself...
And finally, a batch of hot donuts coming off the line.
All the while, I carried on a friendly conversation. "Busy today?" I asked her, as I snapped another photo. Clearly I was a corporate spy, the fiendish Dunk N. Donuts, on a mission to gain critical intel on the competition. Only I was the least secretive spy ever.
When I was finally done, she whisked away my receipt and stuffed it in her drawer, so she could turn her attention to the drive-thru customer who had been patiently waiting while I photographed every square inch of the restaurant.
Was there anything I could do to get someone to check the signature?
EXPERIMENT 4.
Another recent development in credit card receipts is the helpful "tip reminder." This is a calculation on the bottom of the receipt of how much you should tip, with figures given for 10%, 15%, and 20%. Call me old-fashioned, but this seems a little presumptious. For instance, what if my server sucks? This was the case in Bickford's, a local franchise of family-style restaurants, where they mixed up our orders, kept us waiting, and didn't apologize.
I decided to use the "tip calculator" to reduce the total bill by the amount I felt I should be credited (10%). Then I signed the bill with my reasoning, and snapped a photo of the copy before I left.
When I got my credit card statement a month later, I found they had charged me the original amount of the bill. Oh well. At least I didn't have to leave a tip.
I was amused by all this, until I discovered what the credit card companies did next. Stay tuned.
John Hargrave, the King of Dot Comedy, is an author, performer, and handwriting analyst. Past articles >>
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
88 votes
5.0
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TableTopJane...look closer 168,381  11
01/18/2005 06:00 PM
Quick question, John. Is it just a coincidence that metafilter happened to have a second thread linking to the first prank a week before you put up the second credit card prank?
Also, I'm looking forward to reading more of this. The credit card prank is what led me to GAB.
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TableTopJane...look closer 168,381 11
01/18/2005 06:01 PM
Sorry, I forgot to say-
First to post!
But did you guys like the way I addressed John like there was a chance he was going to read my post and respond to it?
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The n00b formaly known as Megatron 3,343 6
01/18/2005 06:07 PM
I know this is the wrong thread to say this but "Jane, you ignorant slut"
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Frogpop 153,522 11
01/18/2005 06:19 PM
Ah! That's my Dunkin Donuts from high school! A friend and I "borrowed" the giant "Now Open: Dunkin Donuts" banner from that store and relocated it to my girlfriend's front lawn. How dare you defraud them!
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AussieSarah-feeding babys to dingos for a low$1.99 8,376 7
01/18/2005 06:38 PM
John,
What you should do now is , send the credit card company a letter explaining why you will not be paying for any purchases that are not signed by John Hargrave.
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Lamburger 32,892 6
01/18/2005 07:19 PM
They should just implant chips in our hands. It'd be much more efficient.
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TableTopJane...look closer 168,381 11
01/18/2005 07:31 PM
<action>puts on tinfoil hat</action>Hell no, Lambie. That's how they track you.
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Lamburger 32,892 6
01/18/2005 07:37 PM
Ah don't be paranoid. It's either that or a rectal scan.
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No_Key_Bandit 76,320 7
01/18/2005 09:13 PM
...rectal scan."
Geez. That gives new meaning to the "Discovery" card huh?
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Chris Garrett 86,496 7
01/18/2005 10:37 PM
I'm guessing this is your fault.
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Boots at the Boar 2,296 8
01/19/2005 10:38 AM
<action>waves to cute pink bunnies in the corner.</action>Am I the only one who hears the Dragnet theme song in my head after reading these articles?
Stay tuned. Dum da dum da dummmmm.
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Loociam Yofada 58,435 10
01/19/2005 11:01 AM
These retailers need to get a major clue. I used to do credit card disputes for a retailer. If a customer disputed a charge, I had to produce a receipt with a legitimate signature on it. If not, I had to reverse the charge. John could probably dispute all these charges and win. Well, if he hadn't written an article bragging about it.
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Sarin - Seeking single white female 643 6
01/19/2005 06:51 PM
The reason KK has a deficite is because the Emersons wont sell you any dougnut comming off the line. I wanted the fresh ones they put filling in, and they woudln't sell me them. I had to get the crappy on the shelf non fresh original glazed, which are only good when fresh, and seem to last longer when you buy them fresh...
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robyn 47 6
01/19/2005 08:34 PM
Frost. I want to live in America. In the U.K, the bastards always check my signature. I know I look like a bummy student, but sheesh. It makes me nervous. And then I Coleridge it up, and they look at me. Not just look. Look.
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Prof. Fantabulous 19,541 8
01/19/2005 08:46 PM
I have been watching some sort of computer show that uses a bunch of acronyms and products i could never hope to know or understand. One of the hosts is a hot Chinese girl though, so it gets my full support.
Anyway, last night i was watching and they made mention of the "Credit Card Prank" as done by John Hargrove.
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One Mile Wide 78 6
01/20/2005 07:09 AM
Great John. What did they do? Did they have two 300 lb guys come to your house, set you up in the Clockwork Orange device, and make you watch Howie Mandel films while someone put drops in your eyes?
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GerbilNuzzle 12,005 9
01/20/2005 08:31 AM
I'm guessing the CC Prank Part 3 is John's adventures with a Visa BUXX card, the only card he's legally permitted to use anymore.
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daisypie 49,199 6
01/20/2005 08:40 AM
...could Shamu accurately render a scale drawing of himself
That should have been the tip-off to people who work at an aquarium that this signature was a fake. Everybody knows that Shamu is a killer whale, and would never have penned himself as a sperm whale!
...heh, heh, I said sperm.
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aytcH 0 6
01/20/2005 10:41 AM
until I discovered what the credit card companies did next
Oh crap. I hope the article comes soon. I need to know if I should flee the country.
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daisypie 49,199 6
01/20/2005 10:44 AM
Who the hell buys just 2 munchkins?!
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Racheykins 4 6
01/20/2005 08:51 PM
Chip 'n' Pin!
Soon to be mandatory (in a "do it or you're liable" sorta way) in the UK!
Everytime you pay you enter your wee code - no signatures required.
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Nipz 0 6
01/20/2005 09:27 PM
For some reason I erupted in laughter when I saw the scale drawing of shamu. I cant wait to find out what the CC company did next
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Racheykins 4 6
01/21/2005 06:40 AM
you have to be registered and signed-in.
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adamja 0 6
01/21/2005 06:26 PM
i work in a different kind of environment to where u buy stuff with credit card, because i know most of the people with credit cards by name, so i dont feel the need to check their signatures, but there was one man (like yourself, but older and crankier) who after i let him slide without checking his signature said,"oh so you checked the signature then did you?" being really rude, so i said,"oh, no, give me back your card for a minute" and thouroughly checked the signature against the receipt, after discovering several faults, i asked him to sign something for me again, and again the signatures varied, not dramatically, but enough for me to RING HIS BANK AND HAVE THE POLICE COME DOWN AND MAKE HIM PROVE THAT HE WAS WHO HE SAID HE WAS!!! the man was in my store for about 3 hours dealing with police, ringing banks etc. before i left and was probably in there a while longer before they went to the bank and police station. i think what uve done is hilarious, and really goes to show that people can be big dumbasses, but gee it was funny nailing that smartass. can't wait for the next episode in ur credit card saga!
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