Q: What did God day when he made the first black person?



A: Shakespeare, I burnt one.

Tell David Duke I'm a fan of his work with children.

How do you know when a woman is going to say something intelligent?

Her sentence begins with a man once told me....

A black, a Jew, and an Indian get into a carwreck. Upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter informs them that it is not their time, they were not supposed to die yet. He offers them a deal, "You give me $20, and I'll let you go back down and live the rest of your lives out."



The black guy says, "Fair enough," and hands St. Peter a twenty. Back on earth at the accident scene, he sits bolt upright, shocking the paramedics that had just pronounced him dead. They all gather around to ask him what happened.



"Well, it wasn't my time, so I paid St. Peter 20 bucks and he let me come back from the dead." Noticing the other victims remained lifeless, the paramedics ask why they didn't also take St. Peter up on his offer. The black guy rolls his eyes and says, "Oh, the Jew is trying to talk him down to $12.50, and the Indian is waiting for the Government to pay for it."

Q: What do you call a white man standing next to 5 black men?



A: Coach.



Q: What do you call a white man standing next to 500 black men?



A: Warden.

And finally...



What do you call a 240 lb, 6'4" black man?



"Sir"

What do you get when you have five Mexicans, an Asian, and four blacks?



A lawn sprinker.



spic

spic

spic

spic

spic

CHINK

nigganigganigganigga

Why can't MLK Jr. walk down the street in Alabama?



















He's dead.

Unless you meant for your post to read:

"How do you know when a black woman is going to say something intelligent?

Her sentence begins with a white man once told me.." you are disqualified for being a moron.

A Chinese man enters a bar to find a Black bartender. He says, "Hey Ogden Nash, give me a jigger."



The Bartender responds, "That's terrible! How would you like it if I said something like that to you? In fact, let's just switch places. You get behind the bar and I'll come in as a customer."



The Chinese man agrees and gets behind the bar. The Black man goes outside.



Upon reentering, he says, "Hey Chink, give me a drink."



To which the Chinese man answers, "Sorry, we don't serve Ogden Nashes here."

There's a black kid, a Methodist kid, and a Baptist kid in the third grade. Which one has the biggest dick?





The black kid, cause he's 23 years old.

Where's the best place to hide a niggas welfare check?







Under his workboots.

Race jokes? Sure!



"How many humans does it take to operate a skellwank projector?



None! Their brains are too primitive!"





















Ok, ok. I stole it from BobJohnson.

Actually, Producer, that was the same joke I read yesterday. Only they wrote it better.

Whats the difference between a Black man and a Pizza?



A Pizza can feed a family of four.

Long joke....so I will try to condense it as best I can:





Little black kid is in China, on vacation. He's walking through the woods, and he comes across a lake. On the shore is a Chinese kid, skipping stones. Black kid notices that every time the stone hits the water it goes, "Ching, Chang, Chung."



Black kid is inquisitive, and says, what are you doing?



Chinese kid says, "Oh, this is special lake. You skip stone, and when it hits the water, it tells of family lineage....Mine says Ching Chang Chung....which is the surnames of my mamasan, papasan, and grandfather."



Black kid says, "Great! Can I try?"



He picks up a stone, and skips it onto the lake, and the lake says,









"Chim, Pan, Zee."

Race Jokes,



Hmmm....



Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Rusty Wallace go to a bar. Rusty looks at DaBLAMMO!

<action>rewords CG's joke</action> What does NAACP stand for?







Now Apes Are Called People

How do you get a black person to wear a condom?







Put a Nike logo on it

The world and it's people are like a bowl of jellybeans. Everyone hates the black ones.





But seriously,

Why do blacks have white palms?



It rubs off from the cop car.

Whats the difference between a black guy and a tire?





Tires don't sing when you put the chains to them.

What do you get when you cross a Ogden Nash and a frenchman?







Jacques Custodian.

A straight white christian person of non-relevant gender walks into a bar and asks the bartender for an alcoholic beverage.



The bartender looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, I cannot serve you that beverage".



The person asks, with some irritation, "Why not?"



And the bartender replies (*snicker*) "Because of a stereotypical assumption about you, that I am misapplying comically!".



BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!



I love that one.

I don't get it.

What did one landscaper say to the other landscaper?









I don't know, I don't speak Spanish.

What did the honkey say to the cracker?



Do these pants make my penis look small?

Have you heard about the Jewish sports car?





It stops on a dime, then picks it up.

2 Spics and a Darkie are cruising in a car... Who's driving?





















Officer Steve.

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?







Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven.

I have nothing relevant to add to this conversation.

What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?









He breaks his nose.

What do you say to a black guy in a three-piece suit?





"Will the defendant please rise??"

God you guys are so racist.

Mahas all around.

Oh. My. God that is WELL racist.



</vickipollard>

So this guy walks into a bar on 5th avenue. He goes up to the bartender and sees that the bartender is, in fact, a horse.







Ogden Nash.

Told this one a few days ago to a small audience.







What is the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson ?





One of them walks ON the moon,





And the other Frosts young boys in the ass.

I have no qualms being racist as long as no dirty Ogden Nashes can hear me Lila asks.

George W. Bush and Tony Blair are at a White House dinner. One of the important guests walks over to them and asks what they are talking about.

"We are making up the plans for WW III", says Bush.

"Wow", says the guest. "And what are the plans?"

"We are gonna kill 14 million Muslims and one dentist", answers Bush.

"The guest looks to be a bit confused. One...dentist?" He says. "Why? "Why will you kill one dentist?"

"Blair pats Bush on the shoulder and says, "What did I tell you? Nobody is even gonna ask about the Muslims."

What do you call a black guy that got your sister prego?







Dead.







Why are the only spots that are white on a black guy his palms and bottum of his feet?



When they are born the Doc stands em against the wall (like this) befor spray paintin em.



Imagine.

This one might be Janey's I'm not sure.







How many racists does it take to change a light bulb?



None - racists hate being enlightened.

Why do police dogs lick their asses?



To get the taste of Ogden Nash out of their mouth.

A riddle:



A rich black man walks up to you. He has millions of dollars, but has not stolen anything, has not sold drugs, nor done anything else illegal.



What do you ask him?







































What team do you play for?

Why are black men getting stronger and tougher?





TV's are getting larger...

Dear people of color (mostly black, brown, and yellow),



I would like to take this time to apologize for the actions of all my white brothers and siters in this thread.



Not for being racists, that is their right as Americans, but for telling so man god damn unfunny jokes.



Sincerly,



Nutbutter







Why did the *colored person* do *stupid thing*



Because *stereotype*

Q: What does a white woman and a tampon have in common?



A: They're both stuck up Carrolls.

Q: What do you call a White man with a sheep under each arm?



A: A Pimp.

White people jokes are ruining GAB.

C'mon, Al, there's no need to be offensive.

What did Chang Huong and his wife Mary Smith say when their baby was born?



Phuc...

<action>sees the line in the thread</action>



Well, that has obviously been crossed...

Q: 100 years ago when 100 white people chase a black person that was called the KKK. What is it called today?



A: The PGA

What do you call a black woman who has an abortion?





A crime stopper!







Remember kids, aborted babies don't kill people, un-aborted babies kill people!

How long does it take for a white women to take a crap???





9 months

What did the black guy do with his M&Ms?

Eat them.



What did they white guy try and do with his?

Put them in alphabetical order.

What did the Texan see when he looked at his family tree?



A straight line.

Does W come before, or after M?

A cracker girl came up to her dad who was sitting in a beaten up armchair. "Pa, kin ah borrow the truck to-nahgt?" she asked. Her dad looked up to her and said, "Darlin', yew know what yew haf t'do if'n yew wants to borrer th' truck." "But Pa! Ah haf t'go naow!" the cracker girl cried. Her daddy stood up and unzipped his pants. "Yew know perfectly well what yew haf t'do. On yer knees, bitch!" The cracker wench complied and started sucking her dad's Coleridge. After a few seconds she stopped in disgust and looked up to her dad. "Gee Pa, yore dick shore tastes like Shakespeare!" Her dad slapped his forhead and said, "Dammit, Ah forgot! Ah already loaned the truck to yer brother just a few minutes ago!"

Two Canadians are sitting in a bar, and getting bored. They decide to play 20 questions. The first Canadian tries to think of a word and after a little pondering comes up with the word: mooseColeridge.



The second Canadian tries his first question, "Is it something good to eat?"



The first guy thinks a moment then laughs and replies "Sure, I suppose you could eat it."



The second Canadian says, "Is it a mooseColeridge?

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a Southerner?







If it was invented by anyone else they would have called it a "teethbrush".

Hey Nerd, get on YIM, will ya?

Why does hockey only have three periods? Canadians can't count to four.

Canadians cant count to four.





Thats better than you yankees thinking y'all invented it.

We think we invented four?

A spaceship lands, and an alien jumps out and has gold chains around his neck, and rings on almost every finger, with big gemstones on most of them, and a woman who was observing all this, asked "Do all you aliens look like that?"

and the alien replied, "No just us Jews"

... Yes.

An African, an Asian, and an American walk into a bar.



The bartenders says, "You must be joking me."

bartenders

A teacher starts her Friday morning history class by attempting to spice up the routine lessons with a contest of sorts. She announces,



'I am going to read some quotes, whoever can tell me who said them may have Monday off'.



1st quote: 'Four score and seven years ago...'



little boy: 'I know, Abraham Lincoln'



teacher: 'Excellent, you may have Monday off.'



little boy: 'No teacher I think Mister lincoln would want me to learn as much as I can so I'll be here on Monday if that is ok with you'.



2nd quote: 'I have a dream...'



Little Black girl: 'I know, Dr. Martin Luther King.'



Teacher: 'Very good, You may have Monday off.'



little black girl: 'No if it is all the same to you teacher, Dr.King was big on education and I'm sure He would want me to be here.'



White kid behind her mutters: 'Stupid Frost-ing Ogden Nash'



Imediately the teacher responds with: 'WHO SAID THAT!'



Another random white student seated in the back raises his hand and says: 'Mark Furman, and I'll see you all on Tuesday.'

Supplies! Okay seriously, I am dating a Vietnamese guy and I want to tell him the original joke..... what is is?

How did the Texan mom know when her daughter was on the rag?



Her son's dick tasted funny.

Don't mess with Texas, dude.

What do crackers do on Halloween?



Pump-kin.

What do you call the moisture between two Alabamans (howzat?) having sex?



Relative Humidity.

Actually, Producer, that was the same joke I read yesterday. Only they wrote it better



I'm not a real racist, I only play one on the intranet

A Northwest flight while enrout from Houston to Minneapolis lost an engine. The Captain came over the PA and said: "Ladies and Gentlemen, due to malfunction I had to shut down one of our engines.

To drop some weight I regret to inform you that some passengers are going to have to parachute out of the plane. Our flight attendant will give you further instructions."

So the flight attendant gets on the PA and says: "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have some parachutes but we don't have enough for every one so just to be fair we are going to go in alphabetical order. Starting with the A's would all the African Americans please stand up." ...No body stands up... "Alright moving to the B's, would all the Black people please stand up." ...And no body stands up... "C's would all the Colored people please stand up." This little boy looks up at his Daddy and asked: "Daddy aren't we colored?", His father replies, "No son, not today we arent. Today we are Ogden Nashes, and we go right after the Mexicans."

What did the Atlantans say to the Yankee's who moved there?



"Go Home"

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?



Unemployed.

Want proof Elvis is DEAD?



Michael Jackson married his daughter!



For the record, I'm not burnt, I'm painstakenly roasted to a perfectly golden brown.



Caucasians must PAY for suck cooking

SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RO0LZ!!!!!11!1

I work in a club owned by some Mexicans and I just over heard one of them talking to a British booker on the telephone. The Brit asked the Mexican if he needs and Irish workers and the Mexican said, "I can always use some Irish workers". The Brit then replied, "You know that's a racist term right?".



"Yes."





I got nothing.

This is a toy for Polish* people.

Follow the directions!

Scroll down...





































































Scroll up!













*Or your choice of ethnicities

Trae, know the difference between a Yankee and a Damned Yankee? A Yankee comes to visit, and a Damned Yankee comes to stay. But as Brother Dave Gardner once said, "Did you ever hear of anyone retiring and moving NORTH?".

What do you call a Ogden Nash priest?









Holy Shakespeare.

What do you call a Ogden Nash having sex?





Rape.

Wow, what a great thread. John must be proud.

You know what?



I would like to interrupt this thread for a moment of seriousness.



As you can see, if you scroll up, I participated in this thread several times earlier today. I posted jokes that I have heard in the past, and thought that they would go over as being funny, but all I succeeded in doing was HIGHLY offending some people. For that I apologize.



I joined GAB to be funny, not to piss people off, or make enemies.



I already know of one person I offended, I said I was sorry to this person through Email, and IM.



I hope this person accepts the apology, and we can move on with the funny.



To anyone else I might have offended, I wanted to apologize in the thread, in public.



Sorry all....I can be an ass sometimes......I DON'T try to be.



That is all.

"kill black babies before they become criminals"

"once you go mexican..



you'll never want sex again."

In the words of NOFX:



"Oh yeah, oh yeah, kill all de white man."

I already know of one person I offended, I said I was sorry to this person through Email, and IM.





penalty: "offending other races"



10 clickie penalty





Still first down

How do you circumcise a Texan?



Kick his sister in the back of the head.

What's the difference between a fairy tale from the north and a fairy tale from the south?





A fairy tale from the north begins with "once upon a time" and a fairy tale from the south begins with, "you guys ain't gonna believe this."

Q:How much money does an Irishman spend on liquor?







A: A staggering amount

Why is the Mexican Olympic team so bad?





Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already in the U.S.

An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with

2000 yen and walked out with $72.



The following week he walked in with 2000 yen and was handed $66.

He asked the teller why he got less money than he received the

previous week.



The lady answers, "Fluctuations".



The Asian man stormed out and, just before slamming the door,

he turned around and said, "Fluc you Amelicans too!"

You are all going to hell.

note to self: racism = not funny



retarded limbless babies = comedy

How come there's no Mexicans on Star Trek?





They don't work in the future either.

How do you piss off a white man?



Tell him you'd love to ride his teenage daughter's sweet ass.



How do you piss off a white woman?



Tell her you liked riding her husband's sweet Coleridge.



How do you piss off a black man?



Tell his teenage daughter you'd love to ride her daddy's sweet ass.



How do you piss off a black woman?



Hire her to replace her husband.

A fairy tale from the north begins with "once upon a time" and a fairy tale from the south begins with, "you guysY'all ain't gonna believe this ."

You guys are all awesome. And to any who were "offended" by any of these hilarious jokes lighten the Frost up - people like you are the reason we can't move on past the color of each other's skin.

The more ridiculous we make racism, the more ridiculous it will be to become racist.



Thanks to all of you who contributed.

<action>racism's Lila</action>

I heard this one in Mississippi...



How do you stop a Ogden Nash from walking on your front lawn?





Hang 'em in the back.

I know this is an old one.



What's yellow and sleeps alone?



























Yoko Ono.

A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up.



"You've been on for five miles--that'll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase."



The Scotsman responds, "I ha'not, I want a ha'penny fare, just got on this vera moment."



They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged, and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman's suitcase and hurls it out of the bus. It lands in the river and sinks without a trace.



The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "Not only are ye tryin' to overcharge me for the ticket--but now ye've gone an' drowned me boy Angus!"

For the one who asked for the "Supplies" joke.



A foreman at a construction site gathers three of his workers: an Irishman, an Italian and a Chinese.



He says to the Irishman, "you're in charge of Sweeping,I want this whole area swept up before I get back".



He says to the Italian, "You're in charge of shoveling. I want that pile shoveled into the truck so they can haul it away."



He says to the Chinaman, "You're in charge of supplies. No make sure that all gets done before I get back."



Three hours later, he returns and none of the work is done. The Irishman says, "I couldnt find a broom. You left the Chinaman in charge of supplies and he disappeared." The Italian says "And I couldn't find a shovel".



So the forman starts walking and looking for the chinaman. Just then, the Chinaman jumps out from behind a pillar and screams "SUPPLIES!!"

This one might be Janey's I'm not sure.







How many racists does it take to change a light bulb?



None - racists hate being enlightened.





Chit, I did post that, but it was months ago. How in the Hell did you remember the joke, let alone the fact that I was the one that posted it.



Damn it, if I go through the trouble of stalking you only to discover you're stalking me and have 12,000 pages of info on me, I'm going to be really pissed.

Be serious , It isn't in page format anyway.



I have every post you have ever made,

(some covered by other ones that I enjoy more)

printed and torn from the page and rubber cemented to my walls in my basement....

Right next to my Tom Waits and Paul Rubens Voo-Doo dolls..

<b>I KILL YOU ALL</b> !!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE

OH MY GOD!!!



I KNOW WHERE I LIVE TOO!



I'm starting to think Chit might know where I live, too. I bet he thinks about me and rubs on off when he's watching SNL, too.

What do you call a bunch of black people standing in a field?



Antique Farm Equpiment.

Aaww, I made Alpo cry...



From Al:

>>You are such an unbelieveable douchebag. You're white. You have and never will have a Frost-ing clue how truly offensive and hurtful that Shakespeare is. You don't make racism ridiculous, you feed it. To imagine that a bunch of white people posting Ogden Nashespic and chink jokes on a public message board can in some way contribute to racial harmony only shows the depth of your stupidity and it proves that you are in fact a

flaming racist.

You can continue to twist this Shakespeare any way you like, but if there's any justice, you'll get dragged behind a truck by a bunch of black, mexican, and chinese

people.

Feel free to post this GAB. Not like I'm going to see it. You Frosters have shown your true color and you can all rot and die.

--Al



Well, since you're "not going to see this":

>>Al, I HOPE you're kidding.

You are the biggest ass Gab has ever seen and the most unpleasant prick we've ever had the "pleasure" of knowing. But you know what? I love you anyway. Heed my post and lighten the Frost up. My best friend of 10 years is black and she laughed at the jokes just as I did.

By the by, ignoramus, I'm not white. So check your facts before you go off on a tangent.

And quit littering my email inbox with your whiny bullShakespeare, K?

Thanks.

Love ya!

Lila

funniest racist joke = oxymoron



racist = just plain moron

Racist jokes on a message board can only hurt a person if they let it. I don't think anyone on this board is trying to be mean. They're just trying to have fun. Racial slurs are only words. It's the meaning we attach to them that make them bad. By laughing, however, we can make the words harmless. In a better world, racist jokes would be told all the time because everyone knows that racism is a ridiculous idea and that it can no longer harm them. I'm not saying it's wrong for a person to get offended when someone uses racism to hurt them. But when mere words can stop people from having fun, then racists have won.

You Frosters have shown your true color



















Who's the racist now?

Briham, I just imagined Bob Saget telling that to the Full House girls with that cheesey music in the background.

I'm a white person.... I'm so white in fact that I am reflective. The apparently un-funny joke I posted was about a white ethnicity - not one I happen to be descended from, but a white ethnicity nonetheless. Can't I make fun of myself?

You know, if we just jabbed everyones eyes out with sticks, there would be no racism.



Vote Oedipus in 2008!

strange, i just posted about this stuff.



well again, it's good to see that gabbers always strive to be funny instead of simply insulting and showing their blatant insecurities here, as we see in a few more posts.

How come you don't include yourself with GABbers? Yet you are here. Critisising. Constantly. A lot.



Asking us to make with the funny, which we do, and we get peed on to prove it, and you have not been peed on?



Explain your lack of funny!

Al, I HOPE you're kidding.

You are the biggest ass Gab has ever seen and the most unpleasant prick we've ever had the "pleasure" of knowing.

and to think i thought i had something to be proud of.

My best friend of 10 years is black...

lila, how do you do it? you somehow always with 100% accuracy come up with the lamest, most transperant and generic of all bullShakespeare answers every time! truely is a gift, i must say.

By the by, ignoramus, I'm not white. So check your facts before you go off on a tangent.

she hates bush as well, dude. just ask her.

And quit littering my email inbox with your whiny bullShakespeare...

you know what would really be funny? lila should have her own thread where she posts her daily flame emails with commentary a la that seal clubber guy.

Explain your lack of funny!



mine is just like everyone elses, simply lame when not funny. doesn't need an explanation.

i just don't need to struggle and try to get into the circle jerk of clickies to feel loved. i click the funny, and ignore the not. getting clicks from a little clique won't leave me feeling any funnier. some people need these false securities, i don't.

Sucks to be you.

i apologise, daggs. you are right. that there is some hella funny posting you are doing yourself there!



i really am constipated, maybe that's it.

Eyes out!



WITH STICKS!

You may not call me daggs.

of course i can, daggs!



and you can call me 'bean curd'.



then we can adopt cats together and farm them in south america for their fur.

Whats wrong with the name Daggs?

My best friend of 10 years is black



Last time I admitted to having a best friend of 10 years old, I had the police knocking at my door.

what do you call a chinamen driving off a cliff in a ute? a waste, you couldv fit 5 more

i click the funny



Checks turkey's profile. Notes he has clicked exatcly 24 times. Notes again that he is a miserly Emerson and is so full of Shakespeare his eyes are likely dark brown.



Would you PLEASE get the clue that no one gives a flying Frost what you think and stop posting here? Do I need to get someone to tattoo it to your forehead whilst you sleep: GAB DOESN'T WANT YOU.

lila, i almost want to listen to gab and stop posting.



however, my drive to annoy you overrides any thought of actually doing that. YOU are honestly the main reason i continue to post, to be honest.

You're such a bad Frost-ing liar it's pathetic. I've hardly posted in any of your threads and you done a miserable job of fighting with everyone else here on your own.

I don't give a Shakespeare whether you live or die and I honestly skim over 99% of your posts now because there is nothing in them worth reading.

Post til your head explodes. You popped up one day out of the blue, disappeared for months then came back to whine about the entire board over and over once your girlfriend also reappeared to whine about you.

You will be gone soon enough and no one will even remember you existed, much less miss you.

A taxi driver, in a moment of inattention, does not see an old lady crossing the street. Barely, by mere inches, he manages to avoid the said lady. A moment later his passenger, an eskimo, proclaims: "White hunter - bad hunter. Inuit not opened door, escape pray."

Three Black men, a Mexican and two Asians go into a white woman...





...HO!

Feel free to post this GAB. Not like I'm going to see it. You Frosters have shown your true color and you can all rot and die.

--Al





Guys, if we run Al off, daddy John is going to be really mad. I'm not offended by this thread, but I do think it's not the best idea to have it here. If someone comes to GAB today for the first time, they just might find this thread at the top of the page. They'll make a judgement based on that without reading the other threads. John isn't going to want someone getting the wrong idea about this place.

Damn it, someone keeps slipping me these sensitivity pills. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

<action>Hugs Jane</action>



(as if I'd ever pass up an opportunity), but Jane is right. I feel soiled for participating in this most base of threads.



(closes action tag)</italics>



We should preoccupy ourselves with the perpetual motion of hips, inserting things in other's naughty bits, having sex in any position necessary...oh, and poop.



Pubah has spoken!

What I find offensive is that the two "funniest" threads of the month are actually devoid of notable funniness, while my uproariously funny thread gets pushed down into the depths.

inserting things in other's naughty bits



Huh?



Ah, Frost it.

<action> orders a bucket of KFC and a hooker </action>

<action>Inserts a chicken bone in the sombrero's naughty bits while counting pubes</action>



Orders em to do what?

I was going to post a long winded post. But I didn't.

I grew up in a small town in Mississippi that refers to a remote control as the "electric Ogden Nash".



I however am anything but a racist. For the past six years, I've lived in a city that is 65% African American / 10% other / 25% white. We've had a black mayor for 12 years. I think it's safe to say I'm in the minority. So, it's OK for blacks in the minority to make jokes about white people and have their own college funds and free money to start their own businesses, but I'm not allowed to post somthing I heard in Mississippi ten years ago on a message board. Which reminds me of a story that I'll tell in another post to whore clickies...

Me and my boy Mark (worksafe) pulled up to a mall in east Memphis. I told Mark to get in to the trunk, and he knowingly obliged. I drove around the parking lot looking for a good mark and found it in the form of a little old lady exiting her vehicle.



So, I pulled up in the parking place accross from her vehicle. I exited my car and waved at the old lady with a smile mentioning something about the weather. I placed my key into the trunk and opened it. I then reached my hand into the trunk to grasp Mark's arm.



"Get out of the trunk, Ogden Nash!" I shouted.



Mark then climed out of the trunk and ran full throttle to the mall entrance screaming, "AAAHH, he try'n to kill me!"



I ran after him screaming racial epithets.



We laughed our asses off when we reached the door.



Good times, good times.

This actually happened while I was in China last month.



The whole family was gathered around the table eating lunch, and my mom and my grandma were discussing how I've sworn up and down that I'd never marry an Asian guy. My grandma then turned to me and said, "At least you'd never marry a black person, right?" then burst out laughing. I stared back at her in silence until my uncle changed the subject.

Jacob Levy had finished his sales rounds for the week and had done very well. So he thought he would give himself a justly deserved reward and went to a brothel.



The Madam said, "Well, you can have this nice Chinese girl over there for $5, then I have a redhead for $10 and this terrific blonde for $15."



Jacob decided to spend $10.



More than thirty years later, Jacob's wife died and he felt lonely, so once again he went to the brothel. He recognized the redhead who was now the Madam, and there was a loud reunion. Whereupon a huge man of about 30 appeared and called out, "Mom, is this guy bothering you?"



"No, no," said the Madam, "in fact, John, I'd like you to meet your father."



"What?" said John, 'this little Jewish guy's my father?"



To which Jacob responded, "Watch your manners! If I hadn't been so generous, you'd have been a Chinaman."

Good thinking there, Sylvester. Now is the perfect time to break out the jokes about asian people.



It's almost as good as your plan yesterday to make the Superturkey thread go away posting in it after it had finally fallen off the front page.



Once again I say-Go sit in the corner, dumbass.

Aaah. So it's you that's meen mahaing me, Sylvester.



I'm sorry, but you are a bit of a dumbass. You decided to post that joke after the whole lila/phuc thing? You not only posted another joke in this POS thread, but you made an asian joke. And, instead of being a good little n00b, you decide to bring negative attention to yourself.



You're a dumbass!

My turn! My turn!



To Sylvester, from Briham with love.

Anyone know any chav jokes?

Piemaster -



I didn't know you were gay?! And was it the Oak Court mall? Nothin' but soccer moms in their suburban assault vehicles around there so I'm sure you drew attention to yourself.

I didn't know you were gay?! And was it the Oak Court mall?



I'm not... and I believe it was the Mall of Memphis, before it shut down... I tell ya, it was pretty rough finding a little old white lady down there. If I would have done it to some black lady it would have been just plain offensive.

Mark then climed out of the trunk and ran full throttle to the mall entrance screaming, "AAAHH, he try'n to kill me!"



You're both male - correct? And you referred to him as "my boy"? And you have a pic of him making a gay ghetto pose?

The pieces are not fitting into the puzzle here.

You're both male - correct? And you referred to him as "my boy"? And you have a pic of him making a gay ghetto pose?

The pieces are not fitting into the puzzle here.





Oh Lila, I can see you've spent so much time in the suburbs you forget about life in the innercity.



My Boy - An inner city slang term for "my friend". see also: my home boy, my homie, my home chickens, and whud up muhnig



As for the picture... I can't excuse that. He just looks funny.

If you had said, "mah bwah" I would have understood.

If that makes any kind of sense.

By the by, we'll be moving to the midtown area by way or McLean and Hawthorne in March - looks like we'll be neighbors after all.

Not a bad area for midtown. Nice, quiet historic district... a hop, skip, and a jump away from Overton Park/Zoo. You can get weed cheep in that area...

When you start spelling "cheep" with two E's it's time to start laying off the reefer.

whats black and white and read all over?









a huterite and a seagul fighting over a gopher

so theres an american a black person and a chinese man and they are in a contest to see who could walk the dog all around the park and make it not crap. so the american gose and the dog craps and the black man goes half way and the dog craps and then the china man goes all around and the dog doesnt crap and they say how did ya do it and the china man said me chinese me no dumb me stick corky up dogs bum

wow, this thread really sucks ass.



TTT!

What's white and longer then 8inches....





Nothing.





When a white guy dies and goes to heaven and gets his wings you call him an angel



A black guy dies and goes to heaven and gets his wings you call him an angel



A white baby dies and goes to heaven and gets his wings you call him an angel



A black baby dies and goes to heaven and gets his wings what do you call it....













A BAT!

What do you call foreplay in Alabama?



'Hey sis, you awake?

What goes black white black white down a hill?



An ethiopian and a seagull fighting over a chip.

How do you know when an ethiopian is about to puke?



All his friends are standing around him with bowls.

What do ya call an Irish queer?



A man who prefers women over Guinness.

hey niggas

Hi Athiest trying to attack the black

What does Yoko Ono have in common with a aborigine?



They both live on dead beatles..

How does a gay man give a Karate chop?



(Slap!)Bitch!!!

Since this thread has been oh-so-courteously resurrected I would like to take the opportunity to repost this little gem:



lila, i almost want to listen to gab and stop posting.

however, my drive to annoy you overrides any thought of actually doing that. YOU are honestly the main reason i continue to post, to be honest.



This was addressed to me by none other than Gab's most dreaded prodigal moron: turkey. Just wanted the powers that be to note for the record he doesn't keep coming back here because of Miracles but his reasons for coming back here change almost daily and all of them are sadist.

Drunken, stalking psychos are ruining Gab.

I'll trade you a negro for a white

A Connecticut WASP enters the bar





























but doesn't practice law; he just arranges trust funds for other rich white mother-Frosters.

Yeah, I know it's passes the bar. Shut up, whitey.

Aaannnddd the Civil War continues...

I'm going to hell for these:

What do you throw a drowning pakistani?



His Family.



When does a black man become a Ogden Nash?



As soon as he leaves the room.

What do you call a fat Chinese person?

A Chunk!

What do you call two niggas in a sleeping bag?

A Twix!

How do you get 100 Ethopians into a phone box?

Throw in a tin of beans.

How do you get them out again?

Show them the tin opener!

What do you call 100 black people in a swimming pool?

Coco Pops! (chocolate cereal)

How do you save an Ethopian from drowning?

Throw him a polo mint!

How do you hide a black man in a coal shed?

Kick out his teeth!

What's white and fourteen inches long?

Absolutely nothing!
 

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, white men will screw anything.

 If someone comes to GAB today for the first time, they just might find this thread at the top of the page. They'll make a judgement based on that without reading the other threads.

Hey, I'm new and I'm still sticking around.

I have a chav joke, someone requested one...

A social worker visits a chav mother who has 15 children. She asks to see them and the mother shouts: "Jamie!" and all of the kids come running. She explains she named them all the same to make it easier to call them.

The social worker says: "What do you do if you want to call them individually?"

She replies: "I call them by their last names."

I think it can be applied to anyone, but I first heard it as a chav joke. And I'm sorry about my terrible re-telling abilities.

 chav

This is America, sir, and we'll thank you to leave your fancy-pants talk in your London tea rooms.

Why blacks and mexicans don't marry?.......They're afraid their kids might be to lazy to steal.

Why do black men date white women?

''Cause when you date a black bitch, ain't nobody notice yo ass.

 What do you say when your TV rises in the dark?

Drop it nigga

Wanna know how to get clickies on GAB?





Stop bumping this thread.



(I'm just sayin'...Trust me!)

 

Wanna know how to get clickies on GAB? Stop bumping this thread.

I don't get it. Are clickies black people or something?