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I went grocery shopping today. The store I go to is within walking distance from my house, so I don't have to worry about driving a car, finding a parking spot, etc. I find this very convenient. Unfortunately, it also has its downside.
Among my purchases today: toilet paper. I got the big bag. 24 rolls. Quite cumbersome to carry around. I always feel uncomfortable carrying this huge bag of toilet paper when I am walking down the street. I feel like everyone's looking at me, pointing their finger at me, and laughing... "Ha ha, he's going to poop!"
That's the reason why I buy the biggest bag: to minimize the number of times I have to carry toilet paper when I walk back from the store.
Today's walk was even worse than usual: I bumped into someone I know. Cute girl, very friendly. If there is one downside to being within walking distance to the grocery store, it has to be this: the risk of bumping into a friend while you're carrying toilet paper.
We exchange hellos, and she engages the conversation. All I was thinking at that moment was to make it as short as possible, while trying to hide the toilet paper behind my other purchases, which given the size of the bag, was completely futile.
After two minutes of chit-chat, I excuse myself, and tell her that my bags are pretty heavy and that I need to go home. Her answer, in the most spontaneous and natural voice:
"Oh no problem, I have to run too. The pharmacy's closing in 15 minutes, and I need to buy some Monistat."
Boy was my face red.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
17 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151470
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Side-splitting
8 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151471
Hrududu
03/12/2005 11:53 PM
Haha! You're going to poop!
And your friend has a yeast infection!
Haha!
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151474
Shoogagoogagunga
03/12/2005 11:58 PM
FOR THE LAST TIME I DO NOT HAVE A YEAST INFECTION!
Oh, uh.. nevermind.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151476
Father brandon
03/13/2005 12:01 AM
You should have asked her to help you carry the toilet paper home and show her how it works.
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Side-splitting
14 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151493
Fratberry
03/13/2005 12:20 AM
Years ago I accidentally brushed my teeth with Monistat. I know this stuff works on women because I couldn't eat bread for a week.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151498
Father brandon
03/13/2005 12:25 AM
It makes bread flacid.
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.6
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151572
Fratberry
03/13/2005 02:37 AM
Turns out that joke was a lot funnier than y'all thought it was.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151610
SpecialKake
03/13/2005 04:57 AM
Toilet paper? What's that? You mean you don't have to shower afterwards everytime?
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151611
Fratberry
03/13/2005 04:59 AM
If you're talking to me, then yes, yes I do.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151613
REAPERR-FU
03/13/2005 05:00 AM
Don't you know how to use the shell's?
</some movie.>
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151627
Hammerhead
03/13/2005 05:14 AM
Reaper, that was Demolition Man.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151921
Neep, Santa wears jandals to New Zealand.
03/13/2005 10:51 AM
Hehe, the 3 sea shells. When I have a home of my own, I will have a little shelf over the toilet paper with 3 sea shells on it.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151972
JepRep - Limericking Lunatic till March 17th
03/13/2005 05:25 PM
You know, I've never had any hang-ups about buying any personal items or being seen buying them. It probably stems from complimenting my underaged beer purchases with tampons and diapers in order to look older.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151994
Boots at the Boar
03/13/2005 06:44 PM
Being a po' bastard myself, I buy my toilet paper at Wal-Mart, and I have to ride the bus home. No matter when I shop, if I buy toilet paper, condoms, or pimple cream, I'm sure to meet someone I know on the bus. No one is capable of talking to you without examining your purchases. I don't know why; maybe their looking for a topic of conversation. But just as inevitably, the most embarrassing items will be on top. But lady friends are better to meet than guy friends during times like these. They understand you don't want to talk about it, and they tend to be more mature than your average 20-something guy friends. Guys will always say something like, "God damn! Are you gonna take a massive Shakespeare when you get home or you gonna TP someone's house?" Or, "Jesus, you gonna bath in Clearasil or what?" Or, "Someone's gonna SCOORRRRRRRRE!" in that really annoying Mexican soccer announcer voice.
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