Duh is attracted to MJ music? You have some splainin' to do mister!

What kind of person thinks kids on halloween are annoying?



Bad people, that's who.



You are a bad person.

The point is: I don't want to see your kids dressed as -insert random sports star here-. Keep them away from my doorstep... and my butterfinger bars...



mmm... butter-

uh... nevermind.

GET OFF OF MY LAWN YOU MANGY KIDS!

I've never been trick or treating.



*stifles sobs*

Butterfinger? I hardly kno-BLAM

Thank God for that. Trick or treating was the worst when I was growing up. They asked me, "trick or treat." I like Trix, okay... so I said: TRICK!



All in all, what I'm getting at is: Mr. Johnson is a terrible human being.

Halloween is awesome. I'm living in a really non-college area this year, so I'm looking forward to scaring the crap out of the neighborhood kids this year.

And Mr. Johnson isn't even human, by the way.

I hate Hallowe'en because no one ever trick or treats or properly dresses up.



Though I was planning on going to the local gay bar this year, dressed up all Rocky Horror.



I just hope I don't get mistaken for a drag queen.

Nah nah. You'll be drag KING! Aha... see... counter-bash 'em back!



*PFF*

YOU! NEW PERSON!

Hey new person - say hi to Yorkie. And make sure to call him by name - he likes that.

Ah, yes. I see. You know...



wait...



crap.

The kids that show up at my door are Frost-ing mean spirited punks. I live in a predominantly white apartment complex. So white that the couple that lives above us, saw Robin, and said to her, "Oh finally some more white people move in downstairs." Then she saw me and didn't speak to us again. But now I get these little white punk kids that show up at my door and say this "Trick or Treaty!" That is so not Frost-ing funny man! I'm passing out Arsenic coated toffees this year.

Every Halloween I've always handed out candy at my parents house to the little kids.



This year, since I'm in my own apartment, I'm handing out beer.



Responsibility be damned.

There is a law against selling to people under 21, I don't know about just giving it away...

This year, since I'm in my own apartment, I'm handing out beer.





Where do you live?

What if I give them Natty Ice?



How can there be a law against that? No sane adult wants to drink that garbage anyway.

Where do you live?



Florida - Land of the Almost Dead.

Speaking of Halloween and beer, this is my costume this year.

There is a God.

My parents never let me go trick or treating when I was little because of the news stories about ground glass in cookies.



When I was 14, I got up the nerve to go trick or treating for the first time. Unfortunately, I was six feet tall at the time and I got some pretty shocked faces and people telling me I was too old. I had to explain to them that I was only 14 and that it was my first time. Then people took pity on me and gave me extra candy.

I bought candy last year, no kids were trick-or-treating.



This year, if I don't buy any, they'll show up and I'll feel bad. (And the little Shakespeares will probably egg may house.)



The last place I lived, we got hardly any kids, even though we always decorated our house and there were kids in the neighborhood going door to door. The problem was, we lived on a side street and no one on our street ever had their porch lights on, so I guess the kids didn't want to bother to even come down the street.



One year (yes, I posted this before--shut up), my ex-husband said, "Look at all those kids over there (on the cross street)!" He went into the street in front of our house and started waving his arms at them and said, "Hey kids! We have candy!"



Surprisingly enough, none of them came over.

I was only 14 and that it was my first time



I still the same shocked faces from guys when I tell them this.

my ex-husband said



I missed the ex in the first read-through and my head almost exploded.





...not in the good way.

What--my being married bothers you?

I mean, I'm still pretty much married to my ex-husband. We don't live together, but we talk on the phone all the time and I still stop by all the time.



Not to have sex. We hardly ever had sex when we were married, anyway.

A young frat-boy can dream can't he?













...keg party on friday... just so you know.

What--you need someone old enough to go pick up the keg?

How'd you know?

Halloween is a beautiful thing. It's my birthday. When I was little I thought kids dressed up and went trick-or-treating because it was my birthday.



Now I give all the non-costumed kids who show up for candy the little plastic combs I use for my job.

Oooh I was thinking maybe this year I'd paint my whole body red, wrap a coathanger around my neck and go as an aborted fetus!

Speaking of Halloween and beer, this is my costume this year.



fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap...

Oooh I was thinking maybe this year I'd paint my whole body red, wrap a coathanger around my neck and go as an aborted fetus!



fapfapfapfapfapfapfap

He went into the street in front of our house and started waving his arms at them and said, "Hey kids! We have candy!"



When I was sixteen I was that Emerson still trick or treating and I used to go around with three of my girl friends. One time we were skipping a side street and three forty something year olds all got up and were waving their arms at us, "Hey girls! We've got candy!" Yeah and I'm sure they had a puppy in their basement they needed us to look at too.



So anyway, we went over by them to get some candy and they're all dressed in flannel with a cooler between them. We were forced to socialize with them for at least fifteen minutes before they gave us some damn candy. Stupid creepy drunk guys. Now creepy drunk girls, that's just damn funny. And I plan on being really really funny this year.