FAO SCHWARZ: Thanks for calling FAO Schwarz, this is Jean.



JOHN HARGRAVE: Hi, Jean. I recently received your catalog, and I was looking at the Grand Victorian Mansion, item #845602.



FAO: Yes. Isn't it beautiful?



JH: It certainly is. And not a bad price, either. If you knew the price of real estate around here, you'd jump all over this.



FAO: [Laughs]



JH: Now, does it come assembled?



FAO: No, sir.



JH: So you just ship the materials and I build it myself?



FAO: OK ... let me just read it here ... the description says "assembly required."



JH: So you're going to just dump a bunch of shingles and wood on my lawn?



FAO: Ah ... OK, I'm just accessing some additional information.



JH: I mean, I could just go to Home Depot and buy that crap.



FAO: Right. Let me see here. It says that the delivery company will assist you with the assembly.



JH: How many bathrooms does it have?



FAO: It says, let me see, it doesn't say how many bathrooms are in the playhouse.



JH: That's usually a standard feature of real estate, you list the number of bedrooms and bathrooms. Strange.



FAO: Right...



JH: What are the children's names?



FAO: I'm sorry?



JH: The children, in the picture. What are their names?



FAO: Oh, I honestly don't know that. They're just little actors.



JH: So the children don't come with the house?



FAO: [Pause] No.



JH: So it's $19,000 just for this house?



FAO: Yes.



JH: Are the children sold separately?



FAO: We don't sell children at FAO Schwarz.



JH: I'm sorry. You don't...?



FAO: No. It's against the law to do that.



JH: Not even a la carte?



FAO: [Very long pause] No. Do you need anything else?



JH: Well, this is sounding less and less attractive. A $19,000 playhouse is ... geez. Look: I just want to know that it's a comfortable place for the kids to live.



FAO: OK, well, it is supposed to be a playhouse, it's not supposed to be a place for children to live.



JH: [Pause] I'm sorry, I don't understand.



FAO: It's a playhouse. For children to play in.



JH: Come on. I'm looking at these kids in the picture, and it's very clear they're not playing. They're on their way to work or something.



FAO: I don't know what to tell you.



JH: They're probably working to pay off their mortgage.



FAO: Would you mind holding for one moment, sir?



JH: No, I think I'm good. I'm going to need to talk this over with the wife. Thanks for your help.



FAO: Thank you for calling FAO Schwarz.

But John, it features a brass doorknocker! That alone has to be worth a grand!

I don't care how well dressed they are, I don't think FAO Schwarz should be endorsing premarital sex for the under 10 crowd, I don't care how waspy they are.

I wonder if the delivery company also assists with the landscaping in front of the playhouse.

There's no ramp out front is that boy supposed to just hobble up that step into the front door... UNHEARD OF! They should have a handicapped accessible version... think of the poor crippled kids!

Are the children sold separately?



That was sweet.

What about their cars? where are they going to park The Audi? this is UNBELIEVABLE!! IM CALLING MY SENATOR!

with a door that small how will they get their uglydoll in there

What's wrong with these people. I usually don't start at $25,000 for a playhouse.

You should be able to buy the children, too.

$18,500 in beautiful Arkansas, baby.

I think I'd rather live in the playhouse...

I haven't laughed this hard at a prank call since the one that brought me to Zug.



Way to go, Jeff.

Sorry, a little short for my taste.