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I went grocery shopping on Saturday afternoon. Among other places, I went to the butcher's. I had some friends coming over for dinner later that evening, and I had put beef on the menu.
The butcher was very friendly. He took my order, gave me some advice on which particular piece of meat to choose, and then put the one I had picked on his wooden meat-cutting board. The meat required a bit of preparation, so the butcher got to work with his big knife, while I just stood there waiting.
As soon as he started cutting the meat, a man came by and greeted him.
- "I heard you became a father this week", he said. "Congratulations!"
- "Thanks", answered the butcher.
Both men then engaged in small talk about babies, birth and stuff. I was just standing in front of them, so I figured I'd give the butcher my congratulations as well. He thanked me, and started talking about how happy he was, how his life was changing, etc.
The friend asked him: "So how did it go, at the hospital?"
At this point, I expected the butcher to reply something about the miracle of birth, about how brave his wife was, about how nice the nurses were, etc. But no. As he was cutting and slicing through the big piece of meat that I was going to enjoy later with my friends, this is what he said:
- "Oh man, it was great. I got to cut the umbilical cord."
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The dinner with my friends was very pleasant. I ate a lot of lettuce.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
13 votes
4.4
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1411032
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1411041
Mars Hotel2
02/14/2006 02:11 AM
My most disgusting meat story involves a drunk uncle-in-law; an UGLY divorce; a lot of beer; a chest freezer; half a frozen beef; and a cheap mother ... and goes like this ....
Feel free to sing along.
Uncle Joe got drunk one night
do-dah do-dah
With aunt Violet he picked a fight
oh-da-do-dah-day
Said her cooking was piss-piss poor
do-dah do-dah
Opened the chest frezeer, stood on the edge and pissed on the contents
oh-da-do-dah-day
Auntie Violet gave him the heave ho
do-dah do-dah
Called my mommy to help her pack so she could move in with us
oh-da-do-dah-day
Mommy couldn't see throwing away all that good beef
do-dah do-dah
After all it was 'butcher wrapped' and didn't hardly smell at all
oh-da-do-dah-day
For the next six months we ate pissed flavored beef
do-dah do-dah
To this day I want to puke when I see butcher wrapped bundles
oh-da-do-dah-day
Thank you, thank you very much!
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Funny
6 votes
3.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1411043
Chit Eating Grin
02/14/2006 02:12 AM
Did you get invited to the circumcision Mailman ?
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1411049
Lila - Gettin' Hitched This Spring
02/14/2006 02:21 AM
Oh, I saw the Circumcision Mailman at little Henkel's bar mitzva this week!
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1411099
Phuc
02/14/2006 03:43 AM
I got to cut the umbilical cord.
Cut into half inch slices.
Soak in water for 1 hour. Discard and replace water twice.
Soak in buttermilk for 30-60 minutes.
Dredge in seasoned flour.
Fry in half inch ghee.
Serve with wasabi mashed russet potatoes and sauteed broccoli rabe with elephant garlic and afterbirth.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1411182
daisypie
02/14/2006 05:19 AM
If you turned vegetabletarian over that, Mailman, you weren't much
of a carnivore to begin with...
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1411214
SquidBoy
02/14/2006 08:29 AM
My most disgusting meat story involves a drunk uncle-in-law
He touched you in your no-no place, didn't he?
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