The Michael Jackson Prank
A comedy article
by John Hargrave  119,938  37
03/24/2006 10:44 PM 187 views
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 This is Michael Jackson's credit card.
It's easy to get a credit card in Michael Jackson's name -- or any other celebrity, for that matter. Just get a legitimate card in your own name, then call your credit card company and ask them to add an "additional cardmember." Because credit card companies don't give a rat's ass about anyone's privacy, they'll happily send you a new card in any name you choose.
With your new credit card, you can create all manner of mischief. Like, for instance, staging a public appearance of Michael Jackson in Boston when he was living in Bahrain. Which is exactly what we did, in our greatest media hoax to date.
The first step was to make reservations for Mr. Jackson at every expensive hotel in Boston: the Ritz-Carlton, Four Seasons, and Boston's most elegant hotel, the Fairmont Copley Plaza. Posing as Mr. Jackson's assistant, I booked their most expensive suites, grilling hotel managers and security staff about how they would ensure Mr. Jackson's privacy. I asked for platters of cold cuts to be waiting when he arrived. "Plenty of ham," I demanded. "Mr. Jackson requires plenty of ham."
This stunt was going to cost me thousands of dollars, except I was planning on canceling all the hotel reservations before Saturday night even arrived. I just needed a plausible story for The Media, who were next on my hit list.
Next, I made an anonymous call to the Boston Herald news desk, tipping off the editor that Michael Jackson would be arriving at the Copley Plaza hotel at 6:30 pm on Saturday. Calling from a filthy payphone -- someone had recently dipped the receiver in a carton of chow mein -- I called the hotline for every Boston newspaper and TV station. Then I went home and sent anonymous e-mails to all the Michael Jackson fan sites, who were thrilled to hear that the King of Pop might be making a royal visit to his home country.
Satisfied that the buzz was building, I turned my attention to the most challenging task of all: pulling together the players that would be needed to pull off this caper, an Ocean's Eleven-style heist that would require over a dozen accomplices, and would ultimately make headlines across the world.
It was, quite simply, our greatest prank to date.
WANNA BE STARTIN' SOMETHIN'
I chose my longtime collaborator Moses Blumenstiel to play the part of Michael Jackson. He looks nothing like the famous rock star, but he's a very funny improv comedian who I thought could pull it off. I had to also find trained actors for his bodyguard (Al Natanagara), the paparazzi (professional photographer Andrew Miller), the film crew (Mark Higgins and Mike Hoban), and fans (Jim Merullo, Diana Thom, and a group of volunteers from a local improv group, who were hired to work up the crowd).
I even went to Kinko's and ran off fake business cards for everyone. When people get suspicious about our pranks, a business card usually reassures them: it's impossible to believe that an ordinary practical joker would take the time to draw up fake business cards. (In truth, Kinko's can turn them around in an hour.)
The most difficult task was finding Michael Jackson's "son." His real-life son, Prince, is nine years old. Because a child would be unpredictable in a high-stress environment, I was forced to find the next best alternative: a live midget.
IN OUR SMALL WAY
I swear, it is impossible to find a midget in this town nowadays. I called talent scouts and modeling agencies, begging someone to locate a midget. Where the hell are all the midget actors when you need them? They can't be that busy. Sure, there's an occasional gig as an Oompah Loompah, maybe they need someone for the R2-D2 costume, but I can't imagine they're out auditioning for the lead in Death of a Salesman. Come on. There are only so many Morning Zoo promos you can do.
After twenty or thirty phone calls, I grew so desperate that -- not a joke -- I called the Latina Talent Agency, on the off-chance they had a Mexican midget. I spoke with a lithe young man named Gerson, who assured me, through his thick accent, that they had what I needed.
"Yes," he purred, "we have a small man."
"How small?" I asked. Using medical charts, I had calculated Prince's approximate height.
"He is very small," he assured me. "A very short man."
"I need a midget," I explained. "If I just needed a short guy, I'd use myself. Do you know what a midget is?" I hated sounding like a jerk, but I wasn't sure he knew what the word meant.
"Yes, yes, a midget," he repeated. "Like Tattoo."
"Yes! 'The plane.'"
Gerson laughed. "Yes, the plane. Si. You will like this man I have for you," he insisted. "He is 23 years old, but he looks very young."
"Great," I said. "What's his name?"
"His name is Hugo."
TABLOID JUNKIE
Download the video!
You're just minutes away from watching our hilarious short film that takes you inside this historic prank from start to finish.
Click here!
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Everyone arrived at the studio on Saturday afternoon, and we began filming our documentary. I was delighted to see that Hugo was perfect for the part: a small man of perhaps four and a half feet, he looked like a teenager. Hugo had moved to Boston to take up acting, and this was his first gig. Hugo would have a blanket over his head throughout the caper, just like Michael Jackson's real children, so Gerson came along to serve as his "guide."
I ran our crew of stunt actors through the plan. At precisely 6:30 pm, Michael Jackson would make his grand entrance through the front doors of the Fairmont Copley Plaza, Boston's flashiest hotel. Amidst the cacophony of the film crew, screaming fans, and paparazzi, Michael and his entourage would make their way into the waiting limousine. They would travel to a nearby fashion mall, where Jackson would proceed to vomit all over the window of a Victoria's Secret.
The stunt worked well ... too well, in fact. Stay tuned for part 2.
John Hargrave, the King of Dot-Comedy, is a performer, speaker, and author of the upcoming bestseller Prank the Monkey. Click here to read past articles >>
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
56 votes
4.8
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Also Recommended on ZUG:
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48 Comments on "The Michael Jackson Prank"
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John Hargrave 119,938  37
03/23/2006 11:13 PM
The video is coming soon.
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L.Ron Felipe 160,513 12
03/23/2006 11:17 PM
You magnificent bastard.
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HC: Just HC 16,915 6
03/23/2006 11:38 PM
I love you man.
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Dianapop 26,304 24
03/23/2006 11:52 PM
Man, I need to get my own website so I can fit in with the cool kids.
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Happy PhartSack 11,459 11
03/24/2006 12:27 AM
Can't wait for part 2.
Has thiShakespeare the news yet?
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Roofie Raccoon 56,498 8
03/24/2006 12:39 AM
Man, people are suckers. Delicious suckers.
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Frogpop 160,935 16
03/24/2006 12:55 AM
How many licks does it take to get to the frogpop center of a frogpoppop?
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Randy Dicksin 12,329 9
03/24/2006 07:25 AM
This would have been great to be a part of.
To bad I can't click ya Squidboy.
Good find.
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Piquantrax - Part 2 8,675 6
03/24/2006 07:29 AM
"Look John, all the people look like ants"
"They are ants Al, they are ants."
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Roofie Raccoon 56,498 8
03/24/2006 08:31 AM
The word is out! Nice work, John!
I see the Globe didn't use the word "midget" for that Hugo fella, or even "little person". Pity.
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Jade - Queen of Chocolate Eggs 14,259 6
03/24/2006 08:33 AM
Again, another brilliant prank. These are the reasons why I love Zug.
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Phuc of the Ascension 233,418 16
03/24/2006 08:44 AM
I can't wait to see what happens!
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SalsaShark 6,518 10
03/24/2006 08:45 AM
Holy crap, you guys...well played.
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Chance is the Lollipop Kid 169,584 11
03/24/2006 08:51 AM
That is awesome! Cant wait for part 2.
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Professor Nutbutter 152,466 14
03/24/2006 09:20 AM
I've never seen a bigger bag of vomit.
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Professor Nutbutter 152,466 14
03/24/2006 09:41 AM
Word of his hotel reservations got out.
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The Second Coming of Ian 2,432 6
03/24/2006 09:47 AM
I hope you guys don't mind while I take John to the back room for a few minutes....
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It's That Guy 1,893 5
03/24/2006 10:29 AM
Amazing. Simply amazing.
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Speshul Kake 55,318 10
03/24/2006 10:34 AM
That's the funniest thing you've done in a long time. Can't wait for Pt. 2. I actually know an acting student in boston who's a midget, too. Damn.
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MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,417 7
03/24/2006 11:28 AM
What's above comedy platinum?
Comedy iridium? Comedy tritium?
Maybe comedy uranium. Yes, definately comedy uranium. It's radioactive, and it kills. Also it spreads like wildfire.
This is probably your finest to date.
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Darrin dyed with Paas 21,343 0
03/24/2006 11:43 AM
Aw man. My cheeks are hot I'm so excited.
This is already a total riot.
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Piquantrax - Part 2 8,675 6
03/24/2006 11:55 AM
This is the third time I've read it this morning and still it is funny.
Outstanding.
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Polyphonic Jane 171,320 12
03/24/2006 12:05 PM
John, you are a brilliant, brilliant man, and I love you dearly.
Now, on April 1 when I can't get on GAB because of all the traffic, I'm sure I'll be calling you a bastard. But for now you're still a brilliant man.
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Peter Cockintail 156,293 13
03/24/2006 02:48 PM
Hmmm speaking of April Fools Day.....
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Squeamish 38,188 11
03/24/2006 04:26 PM
That is pretty damn funny.
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Professor Nutbutter 152,466 14
03/24/2006 04:33 PM
If anyone would like to host some video for me, I have video of one of the newscasts. I don't want to host it on my site and youtube won't let me post copyrighted material.
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Captain Dan, Wüstenfuchs 44,017 7
03/24/2006 04:45 PM
You want a midget? I can get you a midget, believe me. There are ways, Hargrave. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
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Squeamish 38,188 11
03/24/2006 04:58 PM
AIM me, Nut.
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Trae 156,293 13
03/24/2006 06:57 PM
If this doesn't prove Hargrave's hidden genius I don't know what does.
Bravo, Sir.
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Millie 111,186 15
03/24/2006 10:57 PM
Congratulations on the media coverage!
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Roofie Raccoon 56,498 8
03/24/2006 11:01 PM
For those who missed it, the link to the video is now up there in the article.
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Dogs Akimbo 163,020 15
03/24/2006 11:08 PM
w00t?
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DinoExplosion 1,741 6
03/25/2006 02:03 AM
So. Funny.
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Senior Destructor: The Record 60,430 10
03/25/2006 05:20 AM
Holy crap.
If any of you don't buy that video, I will personally come to your house and throw goulash all over you.
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The Angel of the Lloyd 48,285 12
03/25/2006 08:12 AM
I cannot believe I just paid money to watch John Hargrave vomit!
I'll never wash my credit card again.
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UnderEgg 77,657 27
03/25/2006 11:42 AM
Awesome.
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Dogs Akimbo 163,020 15
03/25/2006 11:57 AM
I've not learned too many things in life, but I have learned one thing:
Anyone who taks Ipecac for comedic value is god-like.
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Fratberry 233,941 23
03/25/2006 04:04 PM
I've paid my money and I'm downloading it now. I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl.
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Fratberry 233,941 23
03/25/2006 04:13 PM
schweeeeeet.
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Spicey McHaggis 104,555 14
03/25/2006 05:48 PM
Before I buy this video, I need to know if it's crippled by DRM. I assume it's not since John loves us and trusts us, but I need explicit validation.
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Dogs Akimbo 163,020 15
03/25/2006 06:00 PM
I'm not 100% sure how DRM works, but I've streamed it onto the sofest, thickest vellum paper that I could find and now I'm rubbing it on myself.
So evidently DRM doesn't block that.
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Professor Nutbutter 152,466 14
03/25/2006 07:55 PM
What isn't obvious from the video is just how much vomit there was. The bag was HUGE. So big, in fact, Moe wasn't sure how he was going to hide it.
There had to have been a gallon of vomit. It was beautiful.
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Dogs Akimbo 163,020 15
03/25/2006 11:12 PM
I've never seen anyone puke so neatly into a ziploc bag.
Kudos, John.
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