GAB on ZUG: GABtionary

Every gabber in Gabland liked funny a lot,

But the ClovisClone who lived just north of Zug did not!

The ClovisClone hated Gab, no one quite knows the reason,
Try as we might, there just was no pleasin'
It could be that he'd run out of porno for fapping,
Or it might just have been that his head needed slapping,
But I think that the likeliest reason of all,
Was the poor ClovisClone's penis was two sizes too small.

But whatever the reason, his porn or his head,
He hated the Gab and he wanted it dead.
Sitting in his basement with a frown on his mug,
He frowned and he pouted and hated the Zug.

"They're all laughing at CapCons" he snarled with a sneer,
"Then later this evening they'll go out for a beer,
They all have such fun with their nasty noob-bashing,
I think that Gab is in need of some trashing!"

Then he got an idea, an awful idea,
The ClovisClone got a nasty, awful idea.

"I know just what to do!" the ClovisClone chuckled,
But first he pulled off a quick 2-knuckle shuffle,
"I'll sabotage Gab with my 'leet h4x0r script,
We'll see if they laugh when their pee's all been sipped!"

He maliciously bashed out some script-kiddie code,
Typing one-handed while he played with his choad,
Then he sat back and watched with a devilish smile,
as his devilish, fiendish code was compiled,

To get his revenge for the funny he lacked,
He planned to launch a two-pronged attack,
The front page of Gab would be totally cleaned,
And replaced with some shite from Feb 17.

Then he'd maha, and he'd maha, and he'd maha, maha, maha.
"And that," he thought, "Will put an end to their Ha-ha."
So he put the first part of the plan into action,
And he waited to see their disappointed reaction,

But Frogpop and Livewire, clever as monkeys,
resurrected the previous threads quick like junkies,
"No problem," he said with his knob in his hand,
"Just wait till I launch phase two of my plan!"

The negaclick script worked without a hitch,
While Eric Nguyen shouted, "YOU FUCKING BITCH!"
The bored clicks piled up by dozens and dozens,
While ClovisClone had impure daydreams about cousins.

"Pooh-pooh to the Gabbers," he fiendishly said,
"By now they should know that the Gab is now dead,
The day shift is coming, I know just what they'll do,
They'll all go to HoB after crying boo-hoo!"

"That's a noise," said the ClovisClone, "That I simply must hear,"
So he cupped his too-hairy palm to his ear,
And he did hear a sound emanating from Zug,
But that sound that he heard was confusing the thug,

This sound wasn't sad, it sounded quite merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry. VERY!

He stared at his monitor, popping his eyes,
What the ClovisClone saw was a shocking surprise,

The Gab carried on, as funny as ever,
They laughed and they laughed at his stupid endeavour,
Then he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore,
But alas, there's no happy end for this whore,
He had left a breadcrumb trail, you see,
so the webmaster Hargrave banned his IP.

And what happened then? Well in Gabland they say,
"Who cares about him? Here's a CapCon, let's play!"