I was born on April Fool's Day, which I consider to be my greatest prank. It was very difficult to get the timing just right on that one, making Mom and Dad horny on that particular day nine months earlier. I was also a breech birth, which I imagine was a real pain in the ass -- no pun intended! Ho ho!

Since then, I've been pranking for so long that I've been long overdue for a spoonful of my own medicine, an Avon call from Revenge. Here's how it happened.

"You have to come see this!" Jade exclaimed as I awoke on the morning of my 29th birthday. "Come outside! Hurry!" I quickly pulled on some clothes and staggered outside to find an immaculately dressed gentleman standing next to a sparkling white Porsche Boxster convertible. "Happy birthday!" applauded my wife.

In my stunned, groggy state, I thought for a moment that she had bought it for me. Images of surly Italian debt collectors flashed through my mind. What would it be like to live in a cardboard refrigerator box?

"I rented it for the day!" she explained, clearly pleased with herself. One of the many reasons I love Jade is that she often comes up with creative, unusual birthday gifts: one year she got me a ride in a Cessna two-seater plane; another year she threw me a huge surprise party complete with a live donkey on which to pin a tail.

The Porsche had been hand-delivered by the gentleman from the rental agency, and he took me on a tour of the auto, pointing out each minute scratch on the car's exterior. "When you close the trunk, be careful your ring doesn't scrape the paint," was the kind of thing he said, along with: "Don't park too close to the curb, or you'll scuff the tires."

"Do we have insurance on this thing?" I asked Jade.

"Don't worry," she said, "I've taken care of it."